Sorry just need to vent :o(

teabag29

Just so sick of fighting to get my dd help and getting nowhere. Had her dyspraxia assesment 2 weeks ago and they chucked a huge ball at her which she caught and asked her to hop 4 steps and that was that.... she doesnt have dyspraxia. She fits the criteria for it perfectly and i'm very disappointed with the short assessment. They have however referred her to a paediatrician re my concerns (to me it screams asd but they think it could be an attachment disorder as she was separated from me at age 2 for 9 mths thanks to her abusive father).

Cieps are now involved (psychologists) and are doing 8 sessions with her and decide where to go from there, I have explained that dd wont let you see the other side to her (i.e her very emotional side, her behaviour issues etc) as she doesnt trust people. They seem to think they can build up a trust in this time but i know it wont happen, the only ppl she will and has ever opened up to is me and my mum.

Today we had a caf meeting and i feel drained. Despite her being bullied for the past year and providing photos of the bruises, written statements etc the school say they cant do anything as the other girl says my dd bullies her to. According to dd the other girl only says this to get the teachers to believe her and she has no proof, dd is terrified to go to school and has been skipping school and also stealing things for this other girl to stop her from beating her up. Teachers have a statement from another chid saying that its true this girl threatened to beat dd up if she didnt steal sandwichs for her but they still wont do anything. The thing is my dd has 2 sides and she only shows 1 at school which they take as being cheeky. She lives in a black and white world and says things as she sees them, ie if someone is fat she will tell them so.....it isnt that shes cheeky she just doesnt understand social rules etc and when she realises she's hurt someones feelings she will cry her eyes out and be so upset and continuously apologise.

The ep report highlighted if they dont give her more 1 to 1 help shes at high risk of a clinical disorder but they refuse to. Instead in the caf they turned round and said "and what are you doing to help her?" .... I was furious. I diverted them to her primary school report which highlighted what a supportive parent i have always been and i work well with school in helping dd, I showed them all the signed supervised reading i do with her every night without fail, the maths sheets we've been doing together and told them about the private swimming lessons she has and how i help her with her homework every night and at weekends try and always do educational games like scrabble and seen as I have 4 kids that need my attention not just her I think I do a damn sight more than some parents.

The community police officer also said that regarding dd's stealing she is almost 13 and it wont be tolerated anymore and she will get arrested, i explained that this was one of my biggest concerns but i didnt know what to do. She said your the mother its your job to educate her right from wrong, school do what they can but it needs to come from home to arghhhhh..... I was so cross. I explained that perhaps she should get her facts straight before commenting on my parenting and had she read all the reports she'd actually see that school have done zilch and i'm doing everything I can to help dd. I explained that I have educated her from birth about right from wrong, she steals from home and i've done everything possible to change this, my food is locked in a indoor shed, the cupboards and fridge have locks on them. Ive tried everything i can to stop her stealing, ive tried finding out why she does it, disciplining her, been to various professionals, taken her to the police station myself to scare her into not doing it again, you name it ive tried it but to no avail. How dare she just assume i'm one of these parents that dont care just because she so used to seeing it when a caf is in force.

I went on to explain that it was me that spotted dd was truanting and school didnt even bother to notice 3 weeks in, it was me that initiated the caf meetings even though school kept promising it but never got round to it, it was me who contacted the ep and got him involved as school didnt think she needed an ep report or extra help ( even though dd is 13 and her levels are between age 5 and 7 and she doesnt even know the alphabet) and it was me that made my own camhs referral as school refused to. School most certainly havent done all they have, theyve done !!!! all!

Even after all this they are refusing to give her any more help or do anything about the bulying. I really hope this lady from cieps can help and the paediatrician as i'm so drained. The next nearest school is 2.7 miles away and i have no way of getting her there

Sorry for the long rant, just needed to vent :mad:

wattdallas

teabag29 wrote: »

Just so sick of fighting to get my dd help and getting nowhere. Had her dyspraxia assesment 2 weeks ago and they chucked a huge ball at her which she caught and asked her to hop 4 steps and that was that.... she doesnt have dyspraxia. She fits the criteria for it perfectly and i'm very disappointed with the short assessment. They have however referred her to a paediatrician re my concerns (to me it screams asd but they think it could be an attachment disorder as she was separated from me at age 2 for 9 mths thanks to her abusive father).

Cieps are now involved (psychologists) and are doing 8 sessions with her and decide where to go from there, I have explained that dd wont let you see the other side to her (i.e her very emotional side, her behaviour issues etc) as she doesnt trust people. They seem to think they can build up a trust in this time but i know it wont happen, the only ppl she will and has ever opened up to is me and my mum.

Today we had a caf meeting and i feel drained. Despite her being bullied for the past year and providing photos of the bruises, written statements etc the school say they cant do anything as the other girl says my dd bullies her to. According to dd the other girl only says this to get the teachers to believe her and she has no proof, dd is terrified to go to school and has been skipping school and also stealing things for this other girl to stop her from beating her up. Teachers have a statement from another chid saying that its true this girl threatened to beat dd up if she didnt steal sandwichs for her but they still wont do anything. The thing is my dd has 2 sides and she only shows 1 at school which they take as being cheeky. She lives in a black and white world and says things as she sees them, ie if someone is fat she will tell them so.....it isnt that shes cheeky she just doesnt understand social rules etc and when she realises she's hurt someones feelings she will cry her eyes out and be so upset and continuously apologise.

The ep report highlighted if they dont give her more 1 to 1 help shes at high risk of a clinical disorder but they refuse to. Instead in the caf they turned round and said "and what are you doing to help her?" .... I was furious. I diverted them to her primary school report which highlighted what a supportive parent i have always been and i work well with school in helping dd, I showed them all the signed supervised reading i do with her every night without fail, the maths sheets we've been doing together and told them about the private swimming lessons she has and how i help her with her homework every night and at weekends try and always do educational games like scrabble and seen as I have 4 kids that need my attention not just her I think I do a damn sight more than some parents.

The community police officer also said that regarding dd's stealing she is almost 13 and it wont be tolerated anymore and she will get arrested, i explained that this was one of my biggest concerns but i didnt know what to do. She said your the mother its your job to educate her right from wrong, school do what they can but it needs to come from home to arghhhhh..... I was so cross. I explained that perhaps she should get her facts straight before commenting on my parenting and had she read all the reports she'd actually see that school have done zilch and i'm doing everything I can to help dd. I explained that I have educated her from birth about right from wrong, she steals from home and i've done everything possible to change this, my food is locked in a indoor shed, the cupboards and fridge have locks on them. Ive tried everything i can to stop her stealing, ive tried finding out why she does it, disciplining her, been to various professionals, taken her to the police station myself to scare her into not doing it again, you name it ive tried it but to no avail. How dare she just assume i'm one of these parents that dont care just because she so used to seeing it when a caf is in force.

I went on to explain that it was me that spotted dd was truanting and school didnt even bother to notice 3 weeks in, it was me that initiated the caf meetings even though school kept promising it but never got round to it, it was me who contacted the ep and got him involved as school didnt think she needed an ep report or extra help ( even though dd is 13 and her levels are between age 5 and 7 and she doesnt even know the alphabet) and it was me that made my own camhs referral as school refused to. School most certainly havent done all they have, theyve done !!!! all!

Even after all this they are refusing to give her any more help or do anything about the bulying. I really hope this lady from cieps can help and the paediatrician as i'm so drained. The next nearest school is 2.7 miles away and i have no way of getting her there

Sorry for the long rant, just needed to vent :mad:

Hi teabag have been reading your threads

Could it be possible that she does have attachment disorder -trauma can cause lots of mental health issues in very small children,:)

teabag29

yes it is very possible, this is 1 of the 1st things that rang out to me when i began looking for help but she also hits almost every criteria for aspergers, i just hope the paediatrician desnt fob me off with theres nothing wrong like everyone else has

chivers1977

Teabag (((hugs)))

sunnyone

teabag29 wrote: »

Just so sick of fighting to get my dd help and getting nowhere. Had her dyspraxia assesment 2 weeks ago and they chucked a huge ball at her which she caught and asked her to hop 4 steps and that was that.... she doesnt have dyspraxia. She fits the criteria for it perfectly and i'm very disappointed with the short assessment. They have however referred her to a paediatrician re my concerns (to me it screams asd but they think it could be an attachment disorder as she was separated from me at age 2 for 9 mths thanks to her abusive father).

Cieps are now involved (psychologists) and are doing 8 sessions with her and decide where to go from there, I have explained that dd wont let you see the other side to her (i.e her very emotional side, her behaviour issues etc) as she doesnt trust people. They seem to think they can build up a trust in this time but i know it wont happen, the only ppl she will and has ever opened up to is me and my mum.

Today we had a caf meeting and i feel drained. Despite her being bullied for the past year and providing photos of the bruises, written statements etc the school say they cant do anything as the other girl says my dd bullies her to. According to dd the other girl only says this to get the teachers to believe her and she has no proof, dd is terrified to go to school and has been skipping school and also stealing things for this other girl to stop her from beating her up. Teachers have a statement from another chid saying that its true this girl threatened to beat dd up if she didnt steal sandwichs for her but they still wont do anything. The thing is my dd has 2 sides and she only shows 1 at school which they take as being cheeky. She lives in a black and white world and says things as she sees them, ie if someone is fat she will tell them so.....it isnt that shes cheeky she just doesnt understand social rules etc and when she realises she's hurt someones feelings she will cry her eyes out and be so upset and continuously apologise.

The ep report highlighted if they dont give her more 1 to 1 help shes at high risk of a clinical disorder but they refuse to. Instead in the caf they turned round and said "and what are you doing to help her?" .... I was furious. I diverted them to her primary school report which highlighted what a supportive parent i have always been and i work well with school in helping dd, I showed them all the signed supervised reading i do with her every night without fail, the maths sheets we've been doing together and told them about the private swimming lessons she has and how i help her with her homework every night and at weekends try and always do educational games like scrabble and seen as I have 4 kids that need my attention not just her I think I do a damn sight more than some parents.

The community police officer also said that regarding dd's stealing she is almost 13 and it wont be tolerated anymore and she will get arrested, i explained that this was one of my biggest concerns but i didnt know what to do. She said your the mother its your job to educate her right from wrong, school do what they can but it needs to come from home to arghhhhh..... I was so cross. I explained that perhaps she should get her facts straight before commenting on my parenting and had she read all the reports she'd actually see that school have done zilch and i'm doing everything I can to help dd. I explained that I have educated her from birth about right from wrong, she steals from home and i've done everything possible to change this, my food is locked in a indoor shed, the cupboards and fridge have locks on them. Ive tried everything i can to stop her stealing, ive tried finding out why she does it, disciplining her, been to various professionals, taken her to the police station myself to scare her into not doing it again, you name it ive tried it but to no avail. How dare she just assume i'm one of these parents that dont care just because she so used to seeing it when a caf is in force.

I went on to explain that it was me that spotted dd was truanting and school didnt even bother to notice 3 weeks in, it was me that initiated the caf meetings even though school kept promising it but never got round to it, it was me who contacted the ep and got him involved as school didnt think she needed an ep report or extra help ( even though dd is 13 and her levels are between age 5 and 7 and she doesnt even know the alphabet) and it was me that made my own camhs referral as school refused to. School most certainly havent done all they have, theyve done !!!! all!

Even after all this they are refusing to give her any more help or do anything about the bulying. I really hope this lady from cieps can help and the paediatrician as i'm so drained. The next nearest school is 2.7 miles away and i have no way of getting her there

Sorry for the long rant, just needed to vent :mad:

I dont understand why you keep diagnosing her with things after reading about them online, thats not the way to help her and no matter what you think from your discriptions of her she dosnt have Aspergers no matter how much you want her to have it and while to me its not a disability I wouldnt go out of my way to get diagnosed with it (And I didnt go out of my way to get my diagnosis, its not important)

Self diagnosis via the internet is a very dangerous thing, your daughter has enough qualified medics in her life to diagnose her and you should be helping them to do that.

GlasweJen

Tea bag, I'd stop googling disorders. I'm autistic, my world has very few grey shades and if someone told me that stealing was wrong I wouldn't do it, if that came from someone in authority like a policeman I'd be scared to even pick something up in a shop unless I was buying it (which is actually something I am scared of).

If you don't think the professionals will get through to your daughter in 8 weeks then set a camera up in your living room and film her! Hand it to them and let them see her for themselves.

Keep a diary. At this time I helped x get ready for school, she needed support doing a,b and c because x,y and z. After school we did this homework, we did this therapy. As a family we played this game, x had 45 mins time for herself (which is very important btw), a negative incident happened describe it, what you did, what you said to your daughter, any consequences, punishments etc. something is wrong and the pros would appreciate insight.

As for the school, could you get support to send her to a new school? Local authorities can fund taxis to school for kids who go to one of out catchment If the local one isn't suitable. Is your child statemented?

teabag29

Hi guys thanks for your replies. Firstly i'm not googling things and trying to diagnose her, I had never heard of aspergers until my neighbour mentioned it and said she feels dd has alot of the characteristics, however I am fully aware that there are alot of disorders out there with similar characteristics. The reason I say her symptoms highlight asd is so that I dont have to make the post even longer by writing down all of her symptoms individually (for anyone who hasnt read my threads before). Also regarding attachment disorder, I havent googled this. My dd was seen by a child psychologist when younger as she was separated from me for 9 mths due to her father abusing her, he wrote in his report that there were attachment issues as she had been separated from me and he also said she had characteristics of adhd but too young to diagnose, so this is why I am concerned about attachment disorder, not through looking it up on the net. I disagree about getting her diagnosed not being important. I think knowing exactly whats wrong with her will help myself and others (particularly the school) to understand her behaviour more and hopefully open some doors for her to get some help from the school who so far have refused to help her even at the request of the ep. It will also stop people labelling her as just the naughty kid or the cheeky kid, perhaps they will then understand there is a little more to it than that.

Regarding a diary thats a great idea and its something ive already been doing since March of this year.

I'm afraid I cant get help getting her to another school, I have exhausted every option there. My parent partnership worker has also been on the case but to no avail.

My dd is not statemented even though recommended by the ep, the school say they dont have the funds to give her extra help (they are a school with a huge number of sen kids) and wont support an application for statementing her. Parent partnership say we can apply ourselves but it will be turned down as they will want to see school have done all they can and obviously they havent, also it will take 6 mths and then once turned down we cant apply again for 6 mths

munchings-n-crunchings

I would second what GlasweJen says about stealing.

When my eldesy child was at home, I ended marking money in my purse to prove she was stealing. Yet, my 2 children with Aspergers, would not dream of picking up money that was not their's. I've even spotted a £1 coin on the floor and left it there, to see how long it stays, and after several weeks, pick it up and put it in the loose change pot. Even if I tell my son to take money from my purse, he will hold it and wait for me to do it for him. These children are 16 and 21, so have free will, but it is black and white.

The same with food in the fridge. They both have a drawer for their food items, and if it's anywhere else in the fridge, they will ask who it's for before taking it...even though it can be blatently obvious.

THe hardest thing to accept, was that my son was not going to be accademic. Now, it's not that he was stupid, he was clinically termed 'borderline learning disabilities' but he just could not apply his inteligence to school work in that environment.
As a parent, it was down to me to find the solution, and hammering on at school, even with a clinical diagnosis of Aspergers and communication levelas 10 years below his chronological age, didn't help and was getting me nowhere. After mock exams, he had a complete breakdown, and refused to return to school. After about 4 months, and aged 15 he was found a place on an Entry to employment scheme, not that was the purpose for him, but it was an environment that suited him. Following that, he went to a college scheme for youngsters that were disillusioned with education and this gave him experience of practical skills like plastering, joinery, paving, DIY, Painting and decorating. He is now a fully qualified plasterer, after completing a 2 year course.
From something that was very bleak, a real positive come out from it.

Somethimes, there are no answers, and if there are, they don't actually help. There is a small element of me, that thinks your need and adamance that there must be a reason, may be going against you. It's clear you're desperate for help, and it may not be doing you any favors.

I would suggest speaking to connexions, and see if there are any alternative education projects that may be available. Also, like to 1 to 1 swimming, look at activities like maybe drama or a musical instrument where your daughter maybe can achieve small positive steps, as opposed to so much that is negative.

Regards
Munchie

chivers1977

Sunnyone

I have to say that I do feel that in some ways you are wrong when you say

I dont understand why you keep diagnosing her with things after reading about them online, thats not the way to help her

The school referred my DS for dyspraxia assessment and the NHS CDC told me that he didn't have it. I knew as a parent that there was much much more to my son than the NHS standard recommendations of a wobble cushion and movement breaks. Having got a grant I went private and of course DS does has dyspraxia... and SPD and APD and eye tracking/convergence etc problems (these last two dxed by NHS once I kept pushing). He is now about to have his final appt for HFA/AS assessment. If I had just listened to the NHS CDC, who knows how he would now be a year later? He would have achieved nothing in the school year, still had his physical problems untreated at all and we still would be as a family in a state of despair thinking that our son was lazy/rude/terribly behaved/unsociable etc

I truly believe that as a parent you know your own child and as are our child's only and best advocate, it is our duty to keep pushing for 2nd opinions, 3rd opinions whatever to get the dx that means that our child can access the support they need - whether it is behavioural, physical or social therapy.

Edit: and of course no one person with an ASD is the same, it is merely that all three criteria are met. Maybe this DD just can't understand that stealing is wrong due to her learning issues, who knows until she sees the paed...

teabag29

Thanks, I hear what you're saying. I just feel like showing them from a health point of view that there is something wrong then the school will have to help her more as it will be a requirement, ive tried everything I can for them to listen to me regarding her learning and they just wont help her in school. It is really hard to watch her crying that she doesnt want to go to school and feels like killing herself because of it all and I just dont know what to do anymore. She is around 6 years behind in most subjects so how can they expect her to keep up in a class 6 years above her learning levels. Connextions came to a few of the caf meetings but stopped coming as they said there involvement isnt needed at this stage as she is too young. I have tried to do education things with her out of school but she always refuses to go after a few lessons (basketball, drama lessons, swimming) when it starts getting to tough for her or she gets told what to do either that or she gets banned because of her behaviour. I just wish I knew how I could help her because I've ran out of ideas

teabag29

Chivers thankyou for your post. Do you think the paediatrician will look at things from a fresh angle and start from scratch and listen to my concerns because the few professionals involved so far have only dedicated less than an hour of their time to me and sent me off. The dyspraxia asessment was shocking, even the ep thinks she has this. They didnt test her for anything just through a massive ball at her and got her to hop 4 steps and that was that. They only referred her to the paediatrician because I wrote down all my concerns and showed them along with the ep report.