Is it normal to cut yourself off from people?

Nicki

happymand wrote: »

Hi Nicki - yes I thought I had closer friendships with these people and so when this happened it just proved to me I suppose that we weren't all that close. I think when your family aren't there for you that you go to your friends or those you consider to be friends. I don't have fair weather friends - I prefer just a few close friends or who I thought was 'close friends'. I went to my G.P and was prescribed anti-deps but they didn't work for me nor the counselling as it was short term and with someone I couldn't connect with. However I am on a waiting list for another charity offering these services so fingers crossed. Am just a bit wary now of new friends or even making the effort of making new friends as I give my all in a friendship and would do and have done so much for others so it hurt me deeply that they didn't want to do the same for me - not even call round for a cup of tea and some company or the offer of it would have been really nice.

I don't mean to sound like some armchair psychiatrist but from what you have said you have a pattern of choosing people to befriend who need help and support from you, but aren't able to give that back in the same way. Good friendships should go both ways. More friends doesn't necessarily mean less quality friends. Everyone has different things to offer, and different things you can offer them. I don't see all of my friends every week, or even every month, but even those I see infrequently I could call on for help if I needed it and knew they could provide it, and similarly would offer it back if called out of the blue.

Anti depressants can be trial and error. Just because one prescription didn't work doesn't mean that none will. There are 3 main types of antidepressant which work in different ways on the brain. It would be worth trying again with a different type under medical supervision if you have been diagnosed as being clinically depressed. As for counselling, finding the right one can be hard, as can strictly time limited therapy, so you have my sympathies there but I don't know the answer to that one I'm afraid.

make_me_wise

Sounds to me like you have 'good weather' friends and family. They only seem to want to know you when things are going well for you and you are upbeat.

Sadly I think peoples lives are so busy now that they dont have the time or energy to be supportive or offer any empathy to people who are going through a tough time. See this as an opportunity to improve your life. Cut loose the dead wood and get out there and make new, valuable friendships where there is give and take and consideration.

MatyMoo

Regardless of friends or family we all grieve at different times and I think you are possibly coming towards the end of that process (google stages of grief, there are two theories but they are basically the same) and are realising that you are lonely.

As a child of seven my two brothers died as the result of a boating accident and I seemed to get through that very easily, at 16 my Dad died & it took me a bit longer to deal with it but it took me 3 years to get to the stage of acceptance when my Mum died 5 years ago. So not only are we all different, we all deal with grief in different ways at different times. There are no right or wrong ways to do it.

With no work and little funds is it worth investigating back to work courses? This would get you out of the house and meeting people. Who knows, you may build a new circle of friends and a job from it!