Questions RE: Church Wedding

stationaryace

alipops1986 wrote: »

Hello All,

I know this might sound a little naive/daft but, how have people gone about organizing a church wedding?

We know the church we want and it's in the same parish that my OH is from so that shouldn't be a problem.

Do we just need to phone the Vicar? If anyone can enlighten us about what to expect or how to go about it, that'd be super!

Thanks in advance,
Alipops x

Hi Alipops, you sounded just like me when I started arranging our wedding. Despite attending church with my family for my whole life I had no idea how to approach getting married in church - it's been over 30 years since my parents got married and I've only ever gone to weddings as a guest, not an organiser.

I googled to get an idea of what to expect, then filtered for my church. We are getting married outside of the parish so I spent ages trying to decide who to approach first so as not to cause offence - my parish priest or the priest of the church we like. Ridiculous, I know, but sometimes the stress goes to your head and your priorities go skewy. In the end all I had to do was call my priest to make an appointment to discuss what was required.

Just ignore Elvis, that's being antagonistic not helpful.

elvis86

Idiophreak wrote: »

I see, so in your ideal world, how often would you need to go to church to make your an "authentic" churchgoer? If I went to church once a year, could I be married there? Once a month? Once a week? I missed Christmas mass last year, would that make me a hypocrite if I chose to be married in church?

A lot of people believe that being religious is about how you live your life, not how many times you show up.

In my ideal world, organised religion probably wouldn't exist.;)

split_second wrote: »

its the same for us, we are both from out of parish and dont live in the parish either, just saw the church, thought it was the nicest one we had seen and went along and knew it was right. because it is c of e we have looked it up on their site and the official qualifying is 6 attendances, which we have have done

So you're getting married in a church because it looks nice, and have gone through the motions of attending 6 times purely in order to qualify to marry there? Nothing to do with faith whatsoever?

Mrs_Moore_To_Be wrote: »

Wow only 6 attentances, you were let of lightly! :rotfl:

I had to attend at least twice a month for six months to qualify, this took us to 6 months before the wedding, then attended for the 6 months up to the wedding.

Ditto.

It's up to people what they do, and up to the church if they choose to permit it. But IMO, if you've no interest in religion and have no intention of stepping foot in a church except for occasions when it looks nice on the photos, I just think it's kind of hypocritical to get married there.

Have/will either of you attend regularly after your weddings?

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

elvis86 wrote: »

Have/will either of you attend regularly after your weddings?

Was that question aimed at me?

Idiophreak

elvis86 wrote: »

So you're getting married in a church because it looks nice, and have gone through the motions of attending 6 times purely in order to qualify to marry there? Nothing to do with faith whatsoever?

The church need to wise up about this stuff.

Fact of the matter is, like Christmas (turkey dinner!) and Easter (eggs!) church weddings are part of the broader, secular, British tradition. Plenty of people want church weddings just because it's what they see on Neighbours. The problem, really, is that churches resist this. Really, they ought to embrace it. They should have 2 rates, one for recognised members of the church and one (5 times higher?) for non-members.

Then they take all the extra money and do some good with it. They're already starting this model - they're already allowed to charge extra if they think their church is especially picturesque...

aarchk

For once I agree with IdioFreak, a two tier payment system... Although I had heard of some regular church goers not being charged anything over the standard CofE rate. We had to pay more, not sure if it had been waived if we had been more regular church goers. Ours was certainly a pretty church which is why the ceremony (with bells) cost around £800, we didnt begrudge the cost at all as a certain amount will go towards the upkeep of the church.

And before anyone has a go at me, no I was not christened CofE, because at the time the CofE did not want to baptise me. My parents tried for years but the fact my father was a non practising Catholic seemed to rankle with them, I went to Sunday school and church camps for many years. I have moved around alot and church attendance has varied according to how nice and welcoming the vicar and parishoner are (some are unbelievably snooty). My partner was christened but never goes to church so weirdly I am the more religious out of the two of us. Does that mean I was wrong to have a church wedding? Things are never as clear cut as you think and perhaps people should try being a little less judgmental.

I hope the original poster got some useful tips. From what I have found out is every parish has a different system but the first point of call is usually a call to the vicar. If you are lucky the parish will have a dedicated wedding co-ordinator who is a lot easier to get hold of than the vicar!

jonty1970

I don't go to church, but some members of my family do.
i would feel hypocritical just going to the classes, then never going again after the wedding, like a couple of people I know.
And I don't have much faith at all, don't go to church, but would like to be married in church, mainly because think it is more spiritual.
My oh to be doesn't believe in god at all, so he wouldn't want to go to any classes.

It's the town hall for me.

Although, I wouldn't mind getting married (and much later, buried) in the church I was christened in. Is that strange?

Idiophreak

jonty1970 wrote: »

My oh to be doesn't believe in god at all, so he wouldn't want to go to any classes.

Just for the record, the classes I had to attend had nothing to do with God. They were really quite practical and dealt a lot with merging families, moral dilemmas, budgeting, that kinda thing. Didn't grill me at all about my faith (or lack thereof)

LalaGomay

There are a few churches around that have been deconsecrated and now do civil weddings. (I'm planning to use one.)

But I think people should get married wherever it feels right for them, and ideally shouldn't be made to feel bad about it.