Questions RE: Church Wedding

wanchai_2

I contacted our priest on FB as we were already FB friends (and yes, I do go to church regularly)!! He's very modern!

Kaye1

The vicar can refuse to marry you if the vicar wishes. (Our local vicar, who married us, and we know well, has done this in a couple of instances) However, she did invite them to speak with her several times re: her issues and gave them loads of opportunity to meet with her.

So to the poster who says the 'church is just as bad' for marrying a non church going couple is making sweeping assumptions in every direction.

However, I don't wish to scare the OP- the vicar had MAJOR issues. (ANd it turned out she was right- but that is a whole other post!!!)

kmmr

I emailled my local (catholic) church and got things started. I had never been there before, but they were very welcoming and there was no attitude about me not attending. Although they did say that we should have a wedding liturgy rather than a full mass (ie, including communion) as we didn't attend.

I was keener on it than the OH, due to a stronger family history of religion, but in the end we actually appreciated the whole process so much I think we will attend again. As a first real in depth experience of Catholicism since childhood it was very good, and the church seemed to accept that this was how things can work now. The priest was really excellent, the 'pre-marriage' course was a great mix of religion and practicality, and the support we both got on the day from the priest really helped. I remember arriving at the church a bit stressed (!) and was sooo pleased to see the priest who we had met a number of times before. He was wonderfully calming, and the whole ceremony was so personal everyone loved it.

I also found out that OH had a bit of a stress meltdown before I arrived and the priest took control and calmed him down, and told the best man in no uncertain terms he was to act as a barrier to the hundred random questions people ask as you are waiting there stressing! I think he saved a few crucial family relations there!

So ignore anyone who says its hypocritical. Who knows, could be the start of a much deeper involvement in the church, or just a better understanding of your underlying religious sentiments.

becca0417

Elvis - not helpful, I don't think that's what the OP was asking!

OP - I lived next door to the church we are getting married at and attended so I got the phone number of the vicar in charge of the cluster of churches from the church noticeboard outside and phoned. We arranged a date to go and see him, he was very happy to marry us. Took lots of details (we now live out of parish but as we have connection and attend it's fine) and booked in date. This was in Jan, we have attended every month since (only one service a month, small village church) and should have a meeting to discuss details soon!

split_second

Mrs_Moore_To_Be wrote: »

Ours was VERY strict. You will be fine though xx



What I did was call the Vicar and asked for advice on how to go about booking a wedding. He suggested I/We pop along to the Sunday service and after stay for a quick chat. (I was getting married out of Parish so had lots to discuss on the phone i.e if I was allowed etc)

I went along to the service and after just spoke to him about potential dates and what to do in general terms. We then arranged a meeting at his house to discuss further such as costs, practicalties of the ceremony and how to book. He took us through all the paperwork.

We had a couple more meetings with him once it was all booked (and I had 'qualifies to get married out of parish'), one to discuss the service in depth and another to confirm details. Then there was a rehearsal.

Remember, its ok not to know, for most its the first time they have organised a wedding so you arent meant to know all the answers, and thats okay!

If you want me to answer any more specific questions I may be able to help xx

its the same for us, we are both from out of parish and dont live in the parish either, just saw the church, thought it was the nicest one we had seen and went along and knew it was right. because it is c of e we have looked it up on their site and the official qualifying is 6 attendances, which we have have done, was scary and quite odd at the same time phoning the vicar because first thing she asked was if either of us had been divorced, then where we lived etc. we have discussed worse case scenario and have said if they wont marry us we will find a local one that will and if necessary use our location

i suffer from anxiety so obviously i have worried a fair bit about the whole thing

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

split_second wrote: »

its the same for us, we are both from out of parish and dont live in the parish either, just saw the church, thought it was the nicest one we had seen and went along and knew it was right. because it is c of e we have looked it up on their site and the official qualifying is 6 attendances, which we have have done, was scary and quite odd at the same time phoning the vicar because first thing she asked was if either of us had been divorced, then where we lived etc. we have discussed worse case scenario and have said if they wont marry us we will find a local one that will and if necessary use our location

i suffer from anxiety so obviously i have worried a fair bit about the whole thing

Wow only 6 attentances, you were let of lightly! :rotfl:

I had to attend at least twice a month for six months to qualify, this took us to 6 months before the wedding, then attended for the 6 months up to the wedding. Then our Vicar went a left a month before the wedding!!

Good Luck, I found the congration to be very friendly and welcoming xx

split_second

Mrs_Moore_To_Be wrote: »

Wow only 6 attentances, you were let of lightly! :rotfl:

I had to attend at least twice a month for six months to qualify, this took us to 6 months before the wedding, then attended for the 6 months up to the wedding. Then our Vicar went a left a month before the wedding!!

Good Luck, I found the congration to be very friendly and welcoming xx

6 attendances is the guidelines on the church of england website, when i spoke to the vicar i told her we had been going about 6 weeks, no mention of how many attendances to qualify

minerva_windsong

My sister got married in church and they just phoned the priest to make the arrangements. They also had to go to 'classes' (for want of a better word) to prepare them for getting married but I don't know if that's specifically a Catholic thing, although it may be worth factoring in the time commitment - I think they went one evening a week for about six weeks.

icklepeach

elvis86 wrote: »

. My friends' local church christened both of their children (despite the parents not being married) and eventually married them, despite the fact that aside from these occasions, the pair of them had never set foot in the place.

The Church of England has a policy to baptise any child that it's asked to - the parent's circumstances are irrelevant as it's the child being accepted into the church, and children are essentially innocent.

At our church we make an effort to get our baptism families involved in the worshipping life of our church and we have a very high baptism retention rate (as it were!). Sometimes it's the life events that bring people to faith.

spixplay

icklepeach wrote: »

The Church of England has a policy to baptise any child that it's asked to - the parent's circumstances are irrelevant as it's the child being accepted into the church, and children are essentially innocent.

At our church we make an effort to get our baptism families involved in the worshipping life of our church and we have a very high baptism retention rate (as it were!). Sometimes it's the life events that bring people to faith.

Its the same at our church we got married in our parish church but only started getting involved in it after the baptism of our second child.

To the op contact the vicar ours does wedding evenings with all the local photographers, make up artists, car hire company, the church flower arrangers etc and packs for the wedding couples to try and take the stress out of it all.