Disabled and moving in with working boyfriend

Marisco

supersaverkerry wrote: »

Im not sure how that would make a difference to the question I was asking to be fair !

I was asking what would happen with my benefits, where we both live now and what bills we pay is not going to change what benefit I lose is it ?

It would have made a difference, because people were giving you advice, on the assumption your bf already had a place of his own! If you are moving in together "from scratch" then it makes a lot of difference! You need to sit down and work out all the money coming in, and all the money going out, based on his wage and your DLA. He is deffo in for a shock if all he's been paying for "board" is 50 quid a week all in!!!

Oldernotwiser

supersaverkerry wrote: »

£50 a week is an even split for the house, they have a big family home ( no mortgage) and his brother and sister live there as well as his parents, they each put £50 in a week and it covers bills, they all work during the day so their bills are pretty low considering how many of them live there.

But that only pays for the bills, he isn't used to paying any rent out of a large income (for his age).

Also (more alarms ringing!) he expects you to pay half when you go out together for a meal, despite having this amount of money coming in. Is this because he's saving a lot for your future together?

supersaverkerry

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But that only pays for the bills, he isn't used to paying any rent out of a large income (for his age).

Also (more alarms ringing!) he expects you to pay half when you go out together for a meal, despite having this amount of money coming in. Is this because he's saving a lot for your future together?

Oh yes I know its not paying a lot, I was just saying that there is no need for alarm bells with the amount he pays his family, they all pay the same, he isnt being tight fisted with them.

And when we go for a meal I insist on paying my half, I dont think I should expect him to pay for me.

Marisco

This thread got me thinking, so I did a quick calc on our outgoings for a month, and it comes to nearly 600 quid. Our rent is quite low compared to some places, and it doesn't include food, clothes, running the car etc. It's purely on bills, rent, gas/leccie, water etc. This is for a 1 bed flat, so unless the op lives in a place with huge rental costs, it's very doable on 1300 a month.

supersaverkerry

Marisco wrote: »

This thread got me thinking, so I did a quick calc on our outgoings for a month, and it comes to nearly 600 quid. Our rent is quite low compared to some places, and it doesn't include food, clothes, running the car etc. It's purely on bills, rent, gas/leccie, water etc. This is for a 1 bed flat, so unless the op lives in a place with huge rental costs, it's very doable on 1300 a month.

We have estimated -

Rent £450
Council tax £100
Tv £12
Electric £25
Gas £30 ( winter )
internet £25
his mobile £30
my mobile £35
water £ 15
his travel to work £120
food ( including one meal out a week ) £300

so yes we could do it on his wages alone but obviously I want to contribute what I can, it would be so unfair for him to have to work full time and fully support me - yes he loves me and would do it, but it makes me feel a burden ( even though he has never made me feel i would be a burden by doing or saying anything ) its just how I feel inside. I really wish I could just go out to work and have a normal relationship where we both contribute to the household.

Marisco

supersaverkerry wrote: »

We have estimated -

Rent £450
Council tax £100 ask to pay over 12 months to bring the amount down per month
Tv £12
Electric £25
Gas £30 ( winter )
internet £25
his mobile £30 go down a tariff
my mobile £35 ditto
water £ 15
his travel to work £120
food ( including one meal out a week ) £300 this can be cut right down for 2 of you

so yes we could do it on his wages alone but obviously I want to contribute what I can, it would be so unfair for him to have to work full time and fully support me - yes he loves me and would do it, but it makes me feel a burden ( even though he has never made me feel i would be a burden by doing or saying anything ) its just how I feel inside. I really wish I could just go out to work and have a normal relationship where we both contribute to the household.

Why? That's what people used to do years ago, especially if they had kids. My ex supported me when my 2 were little and I didn't work. Then as they grew I went part time and then full time, but in the meantime it was down to him, that's what couples do. It must be an age thing, but I don't subscribe to "his" money and "my" money, as far as I'm concerned it's "our" money. We are both retired now, but oh has a private pension and I don't, so he pays all the bills, and I chip in for bits and bobs!! But it's each to their own really, but I wouldn't beat myself up about not "paying half". Your bf knows the situation, so if he is happy with it, then go with the flow and good luck

bestpud

supersaverkerry wrote: »

We have estimated -

Rent £450
Council tax £100
Tv £12
Electric £25
Gas £30 ( winter )
internet £25
his mobile £30
my mobile £35
water £ 15
his travel to work £120
food ( including one meal out a week ) £300

so yes we could do it on his wages alone but obviously I want to contribute what I can, it would be so unfair for him to have to work full time and fully support me - yes he loves me and would do it, but it makes me feel a burden ( even though he has never made me feel i would be a burden by doing or saying anything ) its just how I feel inside. I really wish I could just go out to work and have a normal relationship where we both contribute to the household.

You are supported by the state now, so I'm not sure why it is worse to be supported by someone who loves and has made a commitment to you?

Oldernotwiser

supersaverkerry wrote: »

And when we go for a meal I insist on paying my half, I dont think I should expect him to pay for me.

Which is fair enough, but what's he spending all the rest on? Is he saving for your future?

Oldernotwiser

supersaverkerry wrote: »

We have estimated -

Rent £450
Council tax £100
Tv £12
Electric £25
Gas £30 ( winter )
internet £25
his mobile £30
my mobile £35
water £ 15
his travel to work £120
food ( including one meal out a week ) £300

so yes we could do it on his wages alone but obviously I want to contribute what I can, it would be so unfair for him to have to work full time and fully support me - yes he loves me and would do it, but it makes me feel a burden ( even though he has never made me feel i would be a burden by doing or saying anything ) its just how I feel inside. I really wish I could just go out to work and have a normal relationship where we both contribute to the household.

You haven't made any allowance for your DLA in this .

KxMx

OP said earlier the DLA was used to pay for her care.