My brother is having suicidal thoughts :(

emylou

I popped round to see my SiL and niece/nephew's earlier, my oldest brother was at golf (his Sunday routine).
My niece (who is 9) told me when I got there that "Daddy was crying on Friday night, he's not well", I asked her what was wrong but she said she didn't know. My SiL came in & whispered to me that she needed to tell me something but that she would cry. Basically she told me she thinks my brother is depressed. He'd had a drink after work on Friday and when he got home he started crying and told her he didn't know why he was crying, SiL says when he's had a drink he opens up & talks to her but the next day he clams up again and she's not sure what to do. He has said he's suicidal and has mentioned being so angry he wants to hurt others?! He tells her he wants to go away from everything but he wont see a Doctor as he doesn't want anything on his record. He does drink a lot and depression runs in my family- my Mum, other brother and cousin suffer from it

Needhelpsaving

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.

From first hand experience, if my family had not have dragged me to the doctors (yes literally), I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here. First get him off the drink, that is a depressant in itself and does nothing for clear thinking.

Secondly, I know its easier said than done, but get him to the doctors. Once it has a hold, depression is a very slippery slope and the lower you go, the harder it is to get back.

My thoughts are with you x

Gingernutty

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

First get him off the drink, that is a depressant in itself and does nothing for clear thinking.

Sure, she'll just get that magic wand from the top of the wardrobe.

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

Secondly, I know its easier said than done, but get him to the doctors.

Getting him to see a doctor is easier said than done, but getting him off the drink is a doddle. Riiiight.

You're right, of course Needhelpsaving, he needs to see a doctor and the booze is no help.

Instead of seeing the doctor, get the doctor to see him NOW/SOON/FAST. Call the doctor out and be loud and be pushy.

Talking of suicide makes medical intervention an urgent priority especially as he's also talking about lashing out and hurting people.

Unless he works in a position where mental illness precludes someone from working (train driver, air traffic controller, police etc) then what's on his medical record won't end his career.

j.e.j.

I'd suggest your SiL has a word with their GP in the first instance, if your brother will not go. Depending on how supportive the doctor is, they might agree to come out to see him, or they may say that SiL needs to get him to come to the surgery first.

I do sympathise. The person I am caring for had mental illness (not depression) and he wouldn't seek medical help because he didn't think he was ill. We were so lucky to have a supportive GP, but in the end my friend did end up being sectioned.

Just another thought, - your brother might find the 'Overcoming Depression' book by Paul Gilbert helpful if he's reluctant to seek medical advice at this stage, but feels he could do with some advice or help?

bobajob_1966

j.e.j. wrote: »

I'd suggest your SiL has a word with their GP in the first instance, if your brother will not go. Depending on how supportive the doctor is, they might agree to come out to see him, or they may say that SiL needs to get him to come to the surgery first.

I do sympathise. The person I am caring for had mental illness (not depression) and he wouldn't seek medical help because he didn't think he was ill. We were so lucky to have a supportive GP, but in the end my friend did end up being sectioned.

Just another thought, - your brother might find the 'Overcoming Depression' book by Paul Gilbert helpful if he's reluctant to seek medical advice at this stage, but feels he could do with some advice or help?

Excellent advice - far more balanced and realistic than Gingernutty's, which suggests such an aggressive approach that it could tip someone over the edge.

OP, it might help to know that far more people have suicidal thoughts than those that actually wish to end their lives. It doesn't mean that what he is feeling is any less serious, and he must be feeling horrible, but he has taken a brave step in admitting he is unhappy and that would indicate that he does want to be helped. As such, I would offer support in him seeking medical assistance, rather than pushing him into it.

meritaten

I honestly dont know what to say - so much depends on your GP and mental health care in your area.
where I am a GP wont come out - sounds strange, but if its trivial they tell you to make an appointment and if its serious they tell you to take them to A&E!
I got my severely depressed son to the doctors (not his usual GP, and she arranged for him to be seen at an 'acute mental health care facility'. despite him physically attacking his partner and saying he wanted to die - they thought he should go home and gave him an appointment to see a psychiatrist a month later!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was effing furious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took him home with me and between me, my DIL (who amazingly still loved him and wanted him to get better) and his Usual GP, he slowly recovered. I dont put his recovery down to the health service - neither does his GP, he recovered because I removed him from his situation and gave him the peace and calm he needed. his OH also helped by changing her lifestyle a bit. we gave him love and understanding after six months he was ready to go back.
NO thanks to the NHS tho! btw - the psychiatrist he saw nearly killed him - she prescribed drugs he was allergic to and His GP went nuts! he thought that she hadnt read his medical notes - he has allergies and they are flagged!

emylou

# 6
meritaten what an awful situation for you, your son and DiL!!



I understand my brother saying things doesn't mean he will actually carry them out and everything but I sometimes feel so helpless, what with my Mum suffering from depression, refusing most help and turning to alcohol for as long as I can remember really. My other brother "P" suffered quite badly a few years ago and apart from work he never left the flat (I lived with him and hated seeing him so miserable and hearing people say "pull yourself together" "what have you got to be miserable about" etc etc because I know they are not helpful comments but I also sometimes got frustrated with him!)

The brother this relates to "S" always seems to be strong and independent hence this is quite shocking to me as I would never have guessed he was not coping with things. Recently he has not come to family functions but earlier this year there was a fall out between my SiL & "P" which never really got resolved so I kind of put his absence at these events down to that "S" doesn't know SiL has spoken to me and I am worried that I will make a mountain out of a molehill but I really don't want them to be suffering without helping as best I can

meritaten

sounds like your bro has fallen apart. I would suggest getting him to His GP - but because of patient confidentiality its difficult telling a GP what is actually going on. but I would try this (my GP knows our family and has been my sons GP since before he was born! that helped) and if you can get your bro into the doctors he may tell the doctor how he feels.
I feel for you and your bro and his family - but, he NEEDS help and the GP is the first port of call. if you or SIL can phone the doctor with your concerns that can only help.

meritaten

emylou - my son is back with his family and enjoying life again - he knows he was in a dark place and he doesnt even know now where his anger was coming from. His GP was brill from the time he took over my sons mental health care from this 'unit'. and we havent looked back. The 'acute mental health unit' were absolutely carp! it may be different where YOU are!
I wish you luck and sincerely hope your brother gets the help he needs.

Kay_Peel

There are some positives in the outlook for your brother: he managed to stick to his routine and play golf with some pals on the Sunday following his emotional collapse.

That means that he was out in the fresh air, bashing a ball around and in the company of up to three other men. I'm a golfer myself, and have had first hand experience of how it enabled me to escape stressful crises/lethargy/hopelessness etc. for 3 or 4 hours. It's a terrific release - physically and mentally.

It's not the answer to depression, though - that's far more serious - so I hope his wife can get the GP/Mental Health professionals to intervene and ease his suffering and bewilderment.

Savvy_Sue

OP, you / your SIL can phone the Samaritans, they may also offer advice either in a crisis or when things are calmer.

If alcohol is a major issue for your SIL, or she feels it's affecting the children, she might want to contact Al-Anon / Al-Ateen. She doesn't have to wait for your brother to acknowledge a problem.