advice on seperating please

tentickles666

(i posted this in the family bit but maybe it belongs here, sorry if you end up reading both!)

my husband and i are separating. there is no way i can afford to stay in our mortgaged house and i dont want to anyway tbh so he is staying in the house. we have agreed to fairly share the children on a week on week off basis and are confident that although we are arguing we can settle this out of court in a civil manner.

currently i am sleeping in the spare room as i need to fnd a job with more hours before any estate agents will rent to me!

a friend has offered me a room for free, which I think i will take. I am not leaving yet, everything will still be at the home address but I will be sleeping at hers more than I am at 'home' even though ill be back to get the kids from school etc (my husband works full time) we are going to write up an agreement on this so in the future he couldnt claim i had walked out on them (unlikely but i want to cover my back!)

So my main question is, I doubt I can claim JSA, im trying to get through to citizens advice to find this out for sure. Does he legally still have to support me? or if i move in with my friend am i 'going it alone' so to speak? we still have a joint bank account and ill still be sorting all the food shopping etc so its quite complicated, also my name is onthe mortgage deeds and there is over 6k in equity. would i have to get my name taken off these?

I know I need to get through to CA but they are constantly engaged so thought id ask on here

thanks in advance

kb92830

helenathena,

I would be very careful here, from your post I am assuming that the children will continue to live at the marital house, if this is the case and you have in fact moved out your Husband will more than likely get priority on the Child benefit, Childrens Tax Credit etc. It is likely that he would also be see as the Primary carer for the children allowing him to pursue a claim for maintenance through the CSA. All of this could cost you a lot more than anything you are likely to see from the benefits office.

I am not saying you husband will follow these actions but having been through a divorce and watched how quickly things deteriorate in terms of agreements etc you may want to get proper legal advice before you make any final decisions.

Whilst I am not advocating that you take your husband to the cleaners financially, if you were to stay in the house with the children he would be liable to pay child maintenance (15% for 1 child, 20% for 2 children or 25% for three or more children based upon his net income) to you, you would also retain the child benefit, be able to claim the reduction on council tax as being a single adult. You may also depending on your income be eligible for Child tax credits, working tax credits etc.

tentickles666

this would only be temporary as hopefully ill get a better job soon (im literally applying for everything) and then our agreement of 1 week on 1 week off will start.

do you think i should ride it out and stay in the main house as long as i can? he isnt malicious but his mother believes i will take the children away from him and pretty much wants him to try and do that to me. she has worked as a health visitor and has seen a lot of women deny their exs their right so obviously as im a woman im going to do that

eta: he has nowhere to stay while we sort this which is why i offered, we moved away from family 3 yrs ago and he hasnt made any friends here

kb92830

helenathena,

Any agreement will probably not be considered later on if you end up dealing with the CSA etc. They will look at where the childrens family home is and make a lot of decisions based upon that. Even with shared care one of the parties is still able to claim maintenance although it is reduced accordingly. As an example a NRP taking home £1000 per month for two children would be liable to pay maintenance of £200. This would then be reduced based upon the number of days they saty with the NRP. If care is split 50/50 this then reduces the amount payable from £46per week to £26 per week, even on this income that amounts to over £100 per month. And as I said one of the parents is legally able to claim against the other and I think where the children live and which parent also lives in that property will define who can claim it.

Go and get some proper legal advice, especially before you moveout. One of the biggest mistakes I made was just to move out when the Ex asked me too, as a result I gave up many rights to anything.

tentickles666

thank you

if care is split 50/50 why should one partner still pay? surely thats not fair!

we would not be dealing with the csa because we would split everything 50/50 but i agree i really need to speak to someone for advice, i dont want to see a solicitor though

RAS

Please note that you will NOT get any help with housing your children during "your week" if you move out and are in a shared care situation; depending on your age you will be entitled to help renting a poor single bedroom flat or a room in a shared house.

The state does not take into account that fact that you are paying 20 or 25 percent of your income towards the CSA when it calculates your entitlement for benefits.

What sort of salary do you earn? What does your OH earn?

RAS

helenathena wrote: »

thank you

if care is split 50/50 why should one partner still pay? surely thats not fair!

we would not be dealing with the csa because we would split everything 50/50 but i agree i really need to speak to someone for advice, i dont want to see a solicitor though

Because that is the way that the state works; only one parent can be responsible for the children in a family for benefit purposes.

Given that the children would be staying in the house with OH, he will get the Child Benefit and all other benefits relating to the children. You get nothing. The minute he is unhappy with anything, he can contact the CSa and you have to pay up.

if you do not see a solicitor you are heading for serious trouble.

tentickles666

he earns just over 30k i earn £200 per month max as i have diffferent hours each week, which is why im looking for something more regular

RAS

helenathena wrote: »

he earns just over 30k i earn £200 per month max as i have diffferent hours each week, which is why im looking for something more regular

You are heading for dire poverty; we had one woman on her who left a seriously abusive husband, who served a prison sentence for GBH against her after she left the house. Their daughter chose to return to dad and she had to pay him CSA despite being borderline for benefits.

tentickles666

wow what a horror story, ot but why on earth would teh daughter want to live with the father? and surely he wasnt safe/fit to be a father

i do realise its going to be awful, but staying with someone i dont love just because i will be better off financially would drive me insane, i am already pretty depressed over the whole situation

RAS

helenathena wrote: »

wow what a horror story, ot but why on earth would teh daughter want to live with the father?

Because mum could only get a grotty council flat and dad offered a smart family home in a nice area and a pony.