Kids not in school

laurel7172

I agree that she might be telling the truth-in some areas school places are in short supply, and nowhere do you get to roll up in the first week of September and pick the school you want. So it might be a half truth, if she's as disorganised as you say-maybe the places on offer are on the other side of town and she doesn't want to pay the bus fares? That said, since our local authority started coordinating these things, it now takes ages to fill a school place. By all means speak to the EWO-it can't hurt, and it might set your mind at rest.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Hmmmmmm, I feel like we're not getting the whole story here.

How long ago did you split up? Was everything OK with the kids education and living arrangements when you were there? She has a mobile phone and calls you when the maintenance is due - how do you actually pay the maintenance, cash or bank transfer? How often do you see the kids? Do they look well cared for, fed, clean tidy, happy etc etc?

Are there any addiction/mental health problems with your ex - her behaviour does soon odd but it's possible she needs some professional help.

As your kids are 8 and 10 now, how about buying them a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile phone each for xmas, then you can keep in touch with them without having to go via their mother. It'll help keep you close to your kids if they know there's a line of communication available to them.

Is there a stepfather on the scene? The father of the one year old perhaps

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

What makes you think that she wouldn't accept you paying her rent? I would have thought she'd be relieved.

Empty_pockets

She'll have less money for fags and wkd.
Sadly, i'm serious.

There may be genuine dificulties in getting them a place but if thats the case why not say so and update me on progress. I've begged her to let me know the outcome of meetings etc but she won't even tell me if she attended. i've I hadn't said I may be going over I wouldn't have even known they were still off school.

Split up before I knew she was preganant with 2nd, 1st wasn't planned. Young and nieive but now older and wiser and trying to make the most out of a difficult situation.

Pay maintaince on the 1st every month by bank transfer and have done for years. Regardless, a few days before I'll get a text asking when i'm paying it.

Tried the mobile phone option, she'll just take it off them and switch it off.

She does undoutbably need help but she doesn't want it, she's quite happy living the chaotic lifestyle she does. You can't force people to change unless they want to, sadly the kids are stuck with it.

AnxiousMum

Empty_pockets wrote: »

She'll have less money for fags and wkd.
Sadly, i'm serious.

There may be genuine dificulties in getting them a place but if thats the case why not say so and update me on progress. I've begged her to let me know the outcome of meetings etc but she won't even tell me if she attended. i've I hadn't said I may be going over I wouldn't have even known they were still off school.

Split up before I knew she was preganant with 2nd, 1st wasn't planned. Young and nieive but now older and wiser and trying to make the most out of a difficult situation.

Pay maintaince on the 1st every month by bank transfer and have done for years. Regardless, a few days before I'll get a text asking when i'm paying it.

Tried the mobile phone option, she'll just take it off them and switch it off.

She does undoutbably need help but she doesn't want it, she's quite happy living the chaotic lifestyle she does. You can't force people to change unless they want to, sadly the kids are stuck with it.

No, the kids are not stuck with it! They have TWO parents, you being the other one.
A father CAN be a resident parent.....and if you think that the children are being neglected, as what you describe is neglect, in any area, then you need to do something about it. If living with you would provide a more stable home environment, a devotion to their education and well being, then you may have to consider this option.

Empty_pockets

I have considered that but as you said above, I'm not even classed as 'Responsible parent'

If I were to go down that route it would be a long, difficult and arduous path causing distress to many including the kids. By the time it has been back and forth through the courts and court orders ignored by the mother the kids will be old enugh to make a deision for themselves.

The best approach in my circumstance is softly softly and trying to help the mother and support her. She's currently fairly easy with access, although I always have to do all the transport (£95 a time and 8 hours driving!), and I don't want to endanger that.

The moment I make any official movement that threatens her at all I can be sure she will stop all contact and no doubt tell the kids it's down to me.

I'm supposed to be taking them away for half term, I feel that may now be in doubt as I've 'hassled' her these last few days. She would be quite gleeful about the fact I would be hundreds of pounds out of pocket.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

What would you like to see happen to improve and stabilise their lives and is there anything personally that you can do to bring this about.

Considering you've been so worried about them for all these years, I'm astonished you've not sought legal advice. And please don't say you have, because if you had you would know what PR was.

Empty_pockets

No, I haven't beacause although difficult, it's been manageable. as said above, Once I go down that road there is no going back and it is likely to cause more problems than it solves. Better the devil you know.

Anyway, this is going off topic, what I wanted to know was what responsibility the education department have and what sway I have with them. It seems from the above, legally, nothing.

I'm going to try and speak to them tomorrow anyway and see what I can find out.

gratefulforhelp_2

Empty_pockets wrote: »

Without going into oo much detail i'm after some advice on what could or should be provided and what can or cannot be done.

I know this is usually the Dad bashing area but would appreciate advice.

I'm happy to bash you if you think you deserve it:D

Seriously, if you can't get any sense out of the mother, speaking as a parent, I would contact social services about this.

Speaking as a teacher (not wanting to worry you unduly) this kind of pattern can be indicative of abuse/neglect.

Act soon and lots of luck (you don't need PR to contact SS).

gratefulforhelp_2

Empty_pockets wrote: »

I always have to do all the transport (£95 a time and 8 hours driving!)

You are stuck with that.

The moment I make any official movement that threatens her at all I can be sure she will stop all contact and no doubt tell the kids it's down to me.

If they're really not in school, call SS you can do it in confidence.