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Daughter's first serious boyfriend.

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Comments

  • I am only 24 and i feel like i was just 14 yesterday! My advice to you is to be her friend but keep out of her business. Thats the only thing mums can do - whatever you say, plead or preach to her - if she is a typical teenager like i was - she wont listern. Its not worth the heartache for you and it may make you unaproachable if she does need advice.
    If instead you be her friend, she may feel like your giving her space to make her own choices - giving her that little bit of freedom that she honestly will respect! She will feel like an adult and not a kid (which she is).
    You then we get to at least find out things from her -ask her questions and seem honestly interested in her life. Dont scare her away though, just ask normal things and see what she says.
    Even if she does want to see this other lad agaisnt your wishes, she will! There is nothing at all you can do about it and then you might jepodise your relationship with your daugther and it could make her want this lad even more!
    I feel sorry for you! Only now i am older i can look back and see just what i was like to her at that age. All part of growing up i am afraid and she will learn!
    My mum was really good with me, keep interested but showed her uneasy feelings if she wasnt happy about the situation, but all in a mature nature towards me. She made me feel like an adult and i respected her for that. In turn, i never caused my mum trouble. I wouldnt do that to her.

    Hope i have helped and good luck!
    wins 2008: nada:angry:
  • frivolous_fay
    frivolous_fay Posts: 13,302 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Judi wrote:
    Nothing ANYONE can do to trigger a break up - it has to come from the person him/herself.

    I wasn't planning on intervening :) I'm just not sure what will make her walk away, when she tolerates behaviour which would have made me leave.
    My TV is broken! :cry:
    Edit: refunded £515 for TV 1.5 years out of warranty - thank you Sale of Goods Act! :j
  • Sorry, didnt realise your a Stuart!! Same advice goes though! whoops!
    wins 2008: nada:angry:
  • inkie
    inkie Posts: 2,609 Forumite
    Mortgage-free Glee!
    I would encourage her to spend time with the 'nice' lad - make provision for him to come along to things that you do as a family, but don't do the same with the other crowd - actions speak louder than words - you would be showing your prference for the 'nice' lad without (speaking) dissing the other crowd.
  • crutches
    crutches Posts: 1,065 Forumite
    i have a 17 yo boy who is a punk,plays in a band,smokes,drinks,been in trouble for minor shoplifting,a few suspensions from school and has a mohican.He has a 14 yo girlfriend.
    I had a chat with him and said that IF they were getting up to anything I hoped that he would be careful.
    He looked really shocked and said indignantly "mum! she's 14!!!!!!!She's underage.Its only 2 years and she's well worth waiting for!"
    sometimes our teens deserve more credit than we give them.
    Every day above ground is a good one ;)
  • stuart1266 wrote:

    It's not easy being a dad!


    Its not easy being a mum in this situation either!

    My 14 year old daughter has got a boyfriend who although a year younger than her, towers above me and has long hair and loads of stubble!! (not quite what I would imagine one of my daughters first boyfriends to be like) I know she like him loads and he is a nice lad but she had 7 boyfriends last year and is abit of a heartbreaker I think!

    I was so timid at her age, I didn't have a boyfriend untill I was nearly 16 and I was very upset when we broke up, I think its good that my daughter doesn't get that attatched though, she just moves onto the next one and is quite grown up about it.

    Sarah x
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,884 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Mel Gibson said it best:

    When my daughter starts dating, I'm just going to kill the first one as a warning to the rest.
    I've only got boys, but they know that death would be preferable to having to tell me they've got a girl into trouble ... :rotfl:
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • crutches wrote:
    i have a 17 yo boy who is a punk,plays in a band,smokes,drinks,been in trouble for minor shoplifting,a few suspensions from school and has a mohican.He has a 14 yo girlfriend.
    I had a chat with him and said that IF they were getting up to anything I hoped that he would be careful.
    He looked really shocked and said indignantly "mum! she's 14!!!!!!!She's underage.Its only 2 years and she's well worth waiting for!"
    sometimes our teens deserve more credit than we give them.
    :T :T :T :T :T :T
    May all your dots fall silently to the ground.
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