In laws..

bride2be2012

well, we are no longer going to visit the in-laws at the weekend

but on the downside, I still don't know if we are receiving a contribution from them. I think what I'm going to do is budget as if it's not coming, then if it does, we can put it towards a honeymoon!

Hope you get things sorted Beetle_lover!

74jax

Beetle_lover wrote: »

Thought maybe this would be the right place to vent as someone probably knows how I feel.

Always gotonwithmy inlaws but now the wedding is causing problems and it's upsetting/stressing me out!! Really try to relax and just let them get on with it, you can't control other people,but just think, at the end of all this you'll end up with a wonderful husband. Whether they choose to make thing easy for you (or not) :j

Basically I live in north east bit all my family is down in the midlands. Just don't feel as if H2Bs parents are bothered about us getting married. They didn't even get us a card. My parents didn't me one either, neither did my brother actually, or H2B's parents, I think maybe some people 'do' cards and other's don't. I would't expect a card though. Did they congratulate you in person? that's worth more than a card.

They appeared at the house one day saying they would pay for a venue they would pay for a particular venue, one catch it only holds 20 people!!! Not having a massive wedding but that isn't enough! Wasn't even cheap as was going to cost over £2000. When I politely declined they said they would still put some money towards the day. blooming nora 20 people! did they want all 20 to be from there side too?

Heard nothing for weeks so when H2B went out for dinner with them I told him to ask about paying for photographer (I thought they would prefer to pay for something rather than give money) they said nothing and then advised that they thought it was too much for a photographer!

My parents were visiting and all MIL did was roll her eyes when talking about it as she thinks that venue is too much and is asking lots of money questions which to be honest at the moment aren't her business. I hate it when people do that, it makes it so embarrassing and awkward.

I'm trying to budget for the wedding and it's hard when I don't know what they are contributing, I'm worried they are goingto go and buy something we don't want. One minute they aren't even bothered about wedding and next min they want to know costs, it's making me feel uncomfortable. Is it too much to want a little support from them? I'm supposed to be joining their family and I feel like they don't care!!


Can I just point out before people get the wrong idea that of they didn't want to contribute that would be fine but they are keeping me in the dark.

I think the best thing to do is budget as though they are not contributing. You can only ask so many times before it becomes awkward. Then if they contribute, you could maybe use it towards the honeymoon or extras that you had to cut back on.

Could they maybe pay for their side of the families meal? That way they can see what their money is going on?

I would try not to get upset. Like you say you are ok if they don't contribute, so maybe even saying this to them might prompt them to say they aren't?

Stephb1986_2

We've been engaged nearly 2 years now and paying for it ourselves, my parents have offered to pay for some stuff and fil2b has offered to pay for our honeymoon. Mil2b well she hasn't said anything we hardly see her which is fine she's in so much debt herself I doubt she will contribute anything. I'm not bothered aslong as she doesn't poke her nose in.

Just budget like the money isn't coming and it will be a nice suprise.

Steph xx

Beetle_lover

Thanks everyone. You really have made me feel better about it

It's nice to talk to people on the outside about it. I think budgeting without them is best idea and then il just have to keep my fingers crossed they don't come up with any stupid not worth the money ideas.

Think I just needed someone that's not my family or friends etc to say yes we see your point of view


Anyone having any last min trouble with in laws that's getting married soon? I hope not!!

Angel_of_Tomfoolery

I hope you find out where you stand soon OP. It is so frustrating when people are open about their intentions and it makes you feel greedy. In laws can have bizarre reasoning sometimes. A while ago, my Step-MIL2B told my OH that he had already had his wedding present. He was a bit puzzled considering he's never been married before so asked what she meant. She reminded him that they had bought him a washing machine when he moved into his first house...with his ex girlfriend...over 10 years ago!:eek: We are not expecting/wanting/asking anything from them but most of their comments about our wedding are about how they can get away with spending as little as possible :rotfl:We do get on quite well though, thankfully.

7roland8

I agree with the comments to budget for your own wedding - without expecting money from anyone.
You can tell then how plans are going - and that you have such and such photographer etc. No point in pining for money that may not come.
I think gone are the days of parents paying for these lavish weddings - and why spoil family relations by bringing money into it.
Why not have a get-together with both mums and see what happens - communication is the key.

This might be of info, ut is the old-fashioned way - I have sons but if we had daughters we couldn't fund a large wedding.

You have a dream wedding planned in your mind, but do you know who’s going to pay for what at the wedding? Traditionally, the bride’s family would pick up the tab but with the average cost of a wedding skyrocketing, and more couples getting married later in life, these traditional roles are far from set in stone.

Some scenarios for who pays for what:

• Traditional Responsiblities
  • The bride’s family pays for:
    - Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
    - Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
    - Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
    - The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
    - Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
    - Favors
    - Photography
    - Transportation
    - Their own attire and travel expenses
  • The groom’s family pays for:
    - The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
    - Their own attire and travel expenses
    - A wedding present
  • The bride pays for:
    - The groom’s wedding ring
    - A wedding gift for the groom
    - Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
    - Gifts for her attendants
    - Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids
  • The groom pays for:
    - The marriage license
    - The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
    - The honeymoon
    - A wedding gift for the bride
    - The bride’s bouquet
    - Gifts for his attendants
    - Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
    - Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
    - Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
    - Fee for the officiant
• When the bride and groom are older, or whose parents don’t have resources
  The bride and groom pay for all wedding costs themselves
• A modern take on who pays for what at a wedding:
  After announcing their engagement, the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding, probably after finding a reception site and making general decisions about theme, style, time of day etc. They then approach their parents and after describing what they’ve decided on so far, say gently, “We were wondering if you would be able to pitch in for any of the costs.” The parents may look at the budget and say, “We’d like to pay for the reception food and the flowers” for example. They may also offer a set amount they’ll contribute. If their parents say they can’t afford to contribute, or only offer a small amount, the bride and groom say, “Thank you for considering,” and perhaps have to revise their budget or find creative ways to pay for the wedding.
• Split the budget three ways
  In this scenario, the bride’s family, the groom’s family, and the bride and groom themselves each pay for one third of the budget. Typically, this means they will also each invite one third of the guests.

And actually the wedding can cost next to nothing - all the 'extras' are just wants - not needs - and these days peopel have enough trouble finding a deposit for a house etc.

anmarj

awwww hugs, I echo what has been suggested don't budget for it and if it comes alone, alls well and good.

basically all we paid for our wedding was the honeymoon, rings, hair & make up, my dress

the rest was paid for by my MIL and FIL. they would of paid for all above had they had it their way..... but I think it was because my OH was the last to get married and had ultimate commitment phobia! and this would be the last real family get together.

When we filling in the paperwork to get married in the catholic church we had to put reasons why we were doing and I said that now I had lived with him for 10 years I felt I could put up with him!:rotfl:

Beetle_lover

7roland8 wrote: »

I agree with the comments to budget for your own wedding - without expecting money from anyone.
You can tell then how plans are going - and that you have such and such photographer etc. No point in pining for money that may not come.
I think gone are the days of parents paying for these lavish weddings - and why spoil family relations by bringing money into it.
Why not have a get-together with both mums and see what happens - communication is the key.

This might be of info, ut is the old-fashioned way - I have sons but if we had daughters we couldn't fund a large wedding.

And actually the wedding can cost next to nothing - all the 'extras' are just wants - not needs - and these days peopel have enough trouble finding a deposit for a house etc.

Tried the meeting of the mothers and that's when all the eye rolling happened

As for wedding costing next to nothing it's not that simple. Especially when you only want to do it once and have the wedding of your dreams. Keeping it as low as I possibly can x

7roland8

and have the wedding of your dreams.

But isn't like that having the holiday of your dreams or the house of your dreams - we mostly can't afford it?? But everyone expects the wedding anyway.

trinity_enigma

7roland8 wrote: »

But isn't like that having the holiday of your dreams or the house of your dreams - we mostly can't afford it?? But everyone expects the wedding anyway.

I don't reall see there is any problem with CHOOSING to have the wedding that you actually want! Surely when you work hard to earn money you should be able to CHOOSE to spend it on way you want without people judging you for your CHOICE.

Nobody ever says it's a waste of money if you save for the holiday of yours dreams so why for the wedding of your dreams?