Hello.. and how on earth do you stay sane when clearing debt?

andy40

Im in a position a little like AngryDog (what happened to him?), Im working and paying off my debts and have very little left at the end of the month. My partner of 5 years has not been working for most of that time and I have to support the both of us. I would not mind but he does little around the house and nothing to improve his skills and employability. He is also envious of his friends and frequently berates me for not doing better in life! I know long term unemployment can really get to people, and I am lucky to be working, which is why I have tried to avoid criticising him. If I did chuck him out he would be homeless, and I would find it really hard to do that to another human being. My friends think I am a fool to be still with him and they are probably right.

andy

RubySewSew

Hey freelance girl. Welcome to the forums. My debt got out of hand a few years ago following a separation from my husband - he left me with £18,000 worth of debt which I tried to service on a small self employed income whilst reinventing myself, having a life and raising 3 young children. It really went off the rails when I needed 5 months off work and had zero income coming in. By the time I returned to work it had come really unreliable with courses cancelling left right and centre and me completely unable to budget. Eventually, I took a low paid job working part time as a Teaching Assistant, the opportunity for full time work came up after one term and then after the summer I went back to part time as I wasn't coping with the stress. Meanwhile, my ex-h slashed maintenance. It's been a bumpy ride!! I think i'm just about starting to get the balance right now. I'm setting up a debt management plan. I have a budget (hideously tight!) which I intend to stick to.

There are times when I feel motivated, proud, incentivised and even joyful about being thrifty and frugal. I feel relieved to be out of the credit/debt market. I feel proud to be working towards a debt free day. I'm hopeful about a future where I can save for the things me and my kids need and want. I'm hopeful that the repayment habit I'm developing now will become a mortgage overpayment habit and then a savings habit. I feel creative and inspired to be thinking up new and exciting ways of making extra pennies come in.

I don't always find it easy. Some days it really. really depresses me. Like when DS2 has grown out of his shoes and all his clothes just a month after they were last replaced. Like days when I'm too lazy to cook and want to spring for a pizza (although honestly, 20 quid for cheese and bread?!). Like weeks and weeks into the school year when I just want to sack it all off and lay on a beach somewhere. Like days where I've messed the budget up somewhere and we don't have food with two weeks until payday

There are some incredible, dedicated, inspiring and creative people on here. The forums and the debt free diaries are great. Look up Memory Girl's Matrix. And never, never lose sight of how far you have come!

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Andy40

Can he not do voluntary work? Charity shops are always looking for people. Youth clubs, Churches always need people.

My OH works part time at two jobs and volunteers at a youth club as well as looking after the house and The Boy. It can be done, you just have to want to do it. My OH has a phrase for it. Job snobbery - people don't want to do menial work, its beneath them.

Five years unemployed is just an embarrasing joke. Get two part time jobs, get three, work in a pub, collect glasses, petrol stations. Just do something.

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lucystardust

Sometimes it can feel like you're not getting anywhere and sacrificing so much to barely make a dent in it. But I try to think about how good it will feel to be able to AFFORD to do social things with friends and buying what I want without being in debt.

I've got to a point now where having a no spend day and staying in can actually feel better than going out to the pub with others, spending money and then feeling guilty about it after. It's made me be more creative about free/cheap things to do with friends and family. In a way I think being broke has brought about positive changes in me, now I value quality time with friends and family (like going for a long walk in a pretty park and having a good natter) instead of spending money and doing less sociable things like the cinema etc.