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My Dad has a terminal illness, what should I be thinking about?

Giddytimes
Posts: 435 Forumite
My head is a complete mess as I'm sure anyones would be. My Dad does not have long left.
The financial side has been the least of my worries in the last few months, we only found out this is terminal last week. It has occured to me that my Mum is not going to consider the financial impact at all, if things need to be set in motion before his death I need to be strong and sort this, but I don't really know where to start!
I think we can claim benefits for him to cover the cost of hospital trips etc if the doctor says he likely has less than 6 months left (which he does)?
At present my Mum and Dad have seperate accounts and a joint account. I don't know how much my Dad has in his. If it is a reasonable sum and he has to go into care for his final days will this money be taken?
I've spoken to him about spending what money he has now, making sure he doesn't want for anything and I'll ensure my Mum is OK financially in the future. But he's always lived a simple life. His idea of treating himself has been to spend a couple of pound on a nice cup of coffee from time to time.
My Dad retired last year (at 60) and was self employed before that so there will not be any workplace insurance policies.
I feel awful even trying to think about such practical things, but I don't want a situation where we are all grieving and trying to sort financial matters too.
Is there anything I should be thinking about before the dreadful day arrives?
The financial side has been the least of my worries in the last few months, we only found out this is terminal last week. It has occured to me that my Mum is not going to consider the financial impact at all, if things need to be set in motion before his death I need to be strong and sort this, but I don't really know where to start!
I think we can claim benefits for him to cover the cost of hospital trips etc if the doctor says he likely has less than 6 months left (which he does)?
At present my Mum and Dad have seperate accounts and a joint account. I don't know how much my Dad has in his. If it is a reasonable sum and he has to go into care for his final days will this money be taken?
I've spoken to him about spending what money he has now, making sure he doesn't want for anything and I'll ensure my Mum is OK financially in the future. But he's always lived a simple life. His idea of treating himself has been to spend a couple of pound on a nice cup of coffee from time to time.
My Dad retired last year (at 60) and was self employed before that so there will not be any workplace insurance policies.
I feel awful even trying to think about such practical things, but I don't want a situation where we are all grieving and trying to sort financial matters too.
Is there anything I should be thinking about before the dreadful day arrives?
Debt at 1/5/09 £21,996 _pale_
Current debt- 0 :j Final payment made October 2012.
Current debt- 0 :j Final payment made October 2012.

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I think you are very brave to think about all of this. The obvious things that come to mind for me are: has your mum (or you) got access to all the financial details so that you can close accounts/ notify the necessary departments, etc when the time comes? Also, has your dad thought about what he wants for his funeral and how is this going to be paid for?
I'm so sorry for you, your dad and your family. 60 is no age at all.LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
"The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints0 -
I'm so sorry to hear and think you are very brave to deal with this. He is entitled to DLA under the special rules as he is not expected to live long and that should be fairly straightforward.Lost my soulmate so life is empty.
I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
Diana Gabaldon, Outlander0 -
I'm sorry to hear of your situation and congratulate you on wanting to help.
Personally I would concentrate on enjoying the time your father has left rather than the financial side of things (except for claiming benefits). Many people find that doing the practical things after a death give them something concrete to concentrate on and to take them out of themselves.
Also, depending on how your father is in himself, he may well see "putting his affairs in order" as being his responsibility as head of the family.
Tread gently and good luck.0 -
i am sure that mum can claim the following when dad passes
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/DG_10018703
so sorry to hear your news, tough times ahead0 -
Has he made a will?Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0 -
Giddytimes wrote: »My...
Is there anything I should be thinking about before the dreadful day arrives?
Loving him; spending every spare moment you have with him; recalling and sharing fond memories with him. Asking him what he would most like (eat, do, remember etc., ). Laughing with him, letting him know how much he means to you.
Much of the other (financial) stuff can wait (but, as Olderbutwiser said, sort the benefits out) - his life, won't!
Wishing you strength, courage, comfort, grace and peace.0 -
As it's terminal and he's retired it might be Attendance Allowance rather than DLA. Once terminal it's paid at the higher rate on a fast-track system and is about £73/week. Nobody told us that and we never got it, but I've since found out that we could have.
People don't tell you stuff though, you have to know to ask - and the form's probably horrendous. The Macmillan nurse (useless) said she was filling out ours, but she obviously didn't as no money ever appeared and it was just under 2 weeks before he died anyway, so too late.0 -
You need to check if he has a Will.
Ask him what his funeral wishes are.
Ask him where his birth certificate, NHS card are.
He will be able to claim DLA under the Special Rules. If it's cancer your McMillan nurse will be able to get the Specialist to sign the Special Rules form.Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I was in the same position earlier in the year so I have gone through it all with my mam.
There is a government helpline you can ring and they will sort any benefits that need adjusting or cancelling, that helped us after she died. If there is any overpayment they will demand it straight back. My mam made a will just before she died as she thought it would make it easy for us afterwards. It did to a degree but we still had to deal with a lot of paperwork, although this was mainly because years earlier they transferred their home to myself and my brother. A lot depends what is in sole or joint names, what kind of savings your dad has etc.
With regards to paying for care, in my mams case the hospital could do no more and we had a choice of a hospice or cared for at home. We didn't have to pay for anything, we had district nurses out everyday and they organised carers for us. It was very hard though as the carers came out at certain times and obviously that's not ideal. I stayed with them to help, I don't think my dad could have managed on his own. The NHS are going down the road of caring at home, and therefore should give you help if that's what you want.
Try to concentrate on today and not think too much about afterwards, you have plenty of time to think about afterwards. Take care, I know what you are going through.0 -
PasturesNew wrote: »As it's terminal and he's retired it might be Attendance Allowance rather than DLA. Once terminal it's paid at the higher rate on a fast-track system and is about £73/week. Nobody told us that and we never got it, but I've since found out that we could have.
People don't tell you stuff though, you have to know to ask - and the form's probably horrendous. The Macmillan nurse (useless) said she was filling out ours, but she obviously didn't as no money ever appeared and it was just under 2 weeks before he died anyway, so too late.
He's under retirement age so it would be DLA. As it's special rules then most of the form isn't filled in.Lost my soulmate so life is empty.
I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
Diana Gabaldon, Outlander0
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