Protecting inheritance money?

Padstow

Is she salting the money over to her relatives with a view to dumping you? It's often suggested on here to do just that!

crazyguy

Yep agree secret account its good to have your own stash of cash

DVardysShadow

CapJ wrote: »

1. Separately you need to close all joint accounts with your wife. You need to agree who is paying what bills and where surpluses are going as well as how much spending money you each have. If you wife wants to give money to her mother and sister out of her spending money then fair enough. But at the moment that is not what she is doing and she has shown she can't be trusted with your money. She needs to earn that trust back - and you need to be clear with her about this.
2. If this doesn't work, i.e. if she gives more than spending money so you have to cover her / there is a savings shortfall, the next step is for you to manage her money, having her salary paid into your account with her spending money transferred into her account.
3. If she balks at one of the above steps you need to be talking marriage counselling and / or trial separation. I really think you have problems with your marriage if your wife has taken your money and given it to family against your wishes and if you don't resolve it, it will probably get worse. Mum and Sister know that your wife is now a soft spot and they can continue to leech money off her.

1. I agree with the advice to close all joint accounts
2. I cannot agree with taking over control of the money she brings in. Either she pays her whack fo the household or she does not and you throw a paddy about it or you divorce or you sweet talk her into doing the right thing. But just controlling her money is going to add acrimony while bringing the divorce closer.
3. Yes, there is areal issue if she gives money without consultation.

RAS

CapJ wrote: »

Separately you need to close all joint accounts with your wife. You need to agree who is paying what bills and where surpluses are going as well as how much spending money you each have. If you wife wants to give money to her mother and sister out of her spending money then fair enough. But at the moment that is not what she is doing and she has shown she can't be trusted with your money. She needs to earn that trust back - and you need to be clear with her about this.

Alternatively, keep one joint account into which you both pay your share of the household finances, but insist that all debits and instrctions on this account require both signatures.

She can then spend the rest of her income on what she likes but might have to accept that means she cannot have her cake and eat it, or fund a nice lifestyle and fund her family.

ajs88

CapJ wrote: »

Putting the inheritance in your own account is no problem just do it. As long as you tell your wife it exists then I can't see the problem. I would also suggest you make it clear to your wife that 1) You don't want other people knowing about it 2) You think your relative would have wanted you to spend the money on the two of you as a couple (or invent whatever purpose you want for the money). This might help mitigate problems in the future.

Separately you need to close all joint accounts with your wife. You need to agree who is paying what bills and where surpluses are going as well as how much spending money you each have. If you wife wants to give money to her mother and sister out of her spending money then fair enough. But at the moment that is not what she is doing and she has shown she can't be trusted with your money. She needs to earn that trust back - and you need to be clear with her about this.

If this doesn't work, i.e. if she gives more than spending money so you have to cover her / there is a savings shortfall, the next step is for you to manage her money, having her salary paid into your account with her spending money transferred into her account.

If she balks at one of the above steps you need to be talking marriage counselling and / or trial separation. I really think you have problems with your marriage if your wife has taken your money and given it to family against your wishes and if you don't resolve it, it will probably get worse. Mum and Sister know that your wife is now a soft spot and they can continue to leech money off her.

I have to say that although I respect that your advice may be in reaction to learning the hard way it does seem very over-reactionary to a problem that can be solved quite simply with an ISA in his name which perfectly reasonable as an inheritance is a non-martial asset if its given to just one person.

To suggest demanding the control of his wife's salary, for it to be paid into his account, and then counselling and/or a trial separation if she refuses is a recipe for divorce, if not that a severely unequal and controlling relationship.

pinkshoes

I think the bigger issue is that your wife cannot be trusted with money! If she's giving money from your joint bank account to her relatives against your wishes, then she clearly respects them more than you!

I'd give her an ultimatum - no more money donations, otherwise you'll have to control ALL finances.

ajs88

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think the bigger issue is that your wife cannot be trusted with money! If she's giving money from your joint bank account to her relatives against your wishes, then she clearly respects them more than you!

I'd give her an ultimatum - no more money donations, otherwise you'll have to control ALL finances.

Does that mean that she respects them more (which would be very wrong) or just that her family are very good at manipulating her, does she have a reason to feel that she owes them, have they always made her do things there way

Is does not automatically have to be about respect

victory

It is not 50/50 though if wife is going to over rule the 50/50 and go ahead and give her mother the money though is it?

Danger I feel, cash ISA and offset the mortgage perfect.