just want to make sure I've covered all the bases!

MamaMoo_2

Mojisola wrote: »

For your own sakes, I would make sure that she can get her own place as soon as possible. It's great that you're helping her out but you don't want your lives totally disrupted if she carries on a wild life style.

I think she was referring to the Landlords daughter with regards to the drug taking etc, not her own x

jetplane

How fantastic that she has your support at this time, it really can make the difference between her leaving for good and drifting back to an abusive relationship. :A And well done her for coming to you and taking this step.

I agree with gonzo the credit reports are a must. Write a standard letter to all utilities, banks, landlord, officials etc even if she was on a card meter to make sure her responsibility ends.

Even if she usually copes on her own she probably needs a bit of TLC right now it won't harm for you to help her with the practical stuff in the short term.

Depending on how violent this relationship was she may need support to rebuild her confidence. Once she's been to the GP and got her finances sorted she will probably be better able to move on.

Right now she just needs to feel safe.

Mojisola

MamaMoo wrote: »

I think she was referring to the Landlords daughter with regards to the drug taking etc, not her own x

That's good! It wasn't a nice thought that lizi might have problems like that at their home.

Person_one

I'd give Women's Aid a ring, they're the experts and they might have some practical advice that none of us would think of.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Persuade her to change her mobile number, as the last thing she needs when feeling lost, vulnerable and lonely is to have him texting or calling, whether it's scaring her or telling her he can't live without her, he'll change, he'll get anger management sessions, blah, blah, blah.

And then get her out and about so she isn't scared to leave the house, meeting people, talking to people and, most of all, SMILING.


(She's used to someone telling her what to do, what to think, that she isn't capable of doing these things herself, etc, etc - so she won't find it easy to make decisions and could be easily swayed if he lurches up with a few crocodile tears)


Oh, and until she is feeling more confident, don't tell anyone, not even her old friends, the landlord or the woman in the paper shop where she is. You would be surprised the number of women who are 'betrayed' by friends who tell the boyfriend/husband where they are. Especially as violent partners can be so very charming and innocent looking to the outside world.

JulieGeorgiana

The landlord is not allowed to gain access to the flat without prior notification.

I would ensure that everything is removed from the flat ASAP and take pictures (with dates on) just in case the landlords daughter breaks anything and your daughter is held accountable.

I hope she finds her way, I have been in a violent relationship, and I wish I had someone like you who would have taken me in.

kingfisherblue

What about the electoral role? I'm not sure how that works though. It might be worth waiting until she has a permanant address rather than adding her onto your address, which is presumably temporary from what you have said. Also passport office if she has one.

Change the PIN number on the chip and pin. I know your step daughter has the card, but better to be on the safe side.

I echo the need for a credit report - I would apply to all the major agencies (I think there are three, but I can't remember their names).

Well done for supporting her and good luck for the future x

lizimuffin

MamaMoo wrote: »

I think she was referring to the Landlords daughter with regards to the drug taking etc, not her own x

I was! She locks her door at night and tried to ignore it!

lizimuffin

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Persuade her to change her mobile number, as the last thing she needs when feeling lost, vulnerable and lonely is to have him texting or calling, whether it's scaring her or telling her he can't live without her, he'll change, he'll get anger management sessions, blah, blah, blah.

And then get her out and about so she isn't scared to leave the house, meeting people, talking to people and, most of all, SMILING.


(She's used to someone telling her what to do, what to think, that she isn't capable of doing these things herself, etc, etc - so she won't find it easy to make decisions and could be easily swayed if he lurches up with a few crocodile tears)


Oh, and until she is feeling more confident, don't tell anyone, not even her old friends, the landlord or the woman in the paper shop where she is. You would be surprised the number of women who are 'betrayed' by friends who tell the boyfriend/husband where they are. Especially as violent partners can be so very charming and innocent looking to the outside world.

All done! She has done this, no one knows where she is aprt from family.

Oldernotwiser

Unless she's over 25 (soon to be over 35) she should be looking at places in shared flats/houses if she needs to be claiming LHA/HB for a while. Unless you live in one of those strange places that has lots of social housing, don't encourage her to think that she'll get her own council flat.