my mum is taking in a guy she hardly knows...argh!

AbbieCadabra

this is a classic 'am i over-reacting?'

my dad died a few years ago & my nearly 70 year old mum has been on her own since then. she's always busy, has loads of friends, is hardly home & goes on holiday every couple of months.

on one of her coach holidays about a year ago she struck up a friendship with the driver & has kept in touch with him. he's mid-thirties & has 2 kids with different women, he tries to see the kids as much as possible. he's got himself in a bit of a mess financially & living with a mate hasn't worked out too well. his family isn't local.

mum has just told me that this guy is moving in with her next week as a lodger. she guesses they'll sort 'something out' money wise, but he won't be there often due to being away driving. none of her friends have met him & she doesn't even know his surname...

it's her life & she can do what she wants, but this situation leaves me feeling very uncomfortable as i know how naive she can be. she always wants to believe people & she only wants to see the best in them. don't get me wrong, she's an intelligent woman but common sense can be a bit lacking sometimes, she's the type of person that thinks salespeople want to be her friend & 'aren't they lovely'.

any thoughts, before the top of my head spins off...:(

Plans_all_plans

God forgive me, but alarm bells are going off. Personally I'd have visions of him trying to strike up a relationship with her and fleece her of all her money! Especially if he's in financial problems.

Have they drawn up an agreement about rent? She really should do this. If I were you, I'd try to advise her to do it all above board with stuff in writing.

You can't stop her from taking him in and he may be totally legitimate for all we know. But if she goes ahead, I'd be going round there often just to check that he's trustworthy in your eyes.

Money_maker

As a lodger, he wouldn't have many rights. But what about if it turns sour and she wants him out? Any big men in the family able to help out?

AbbieCadabra

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

God forgive me, but alarm bells are going off. Personally I'd have visions of him trying to strike up a relationship with her and fleece her of all her money! Especially if he's in financial problems.

unfortunately, my 1st thought too. since dad died, let's just say she's given freely to any lost soul that's crossed her path. she is a manipulator's wet-dream...

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Have they drawn up an agreement about rent? She really should do this. If I were you, I'd try to advise her to do it all above board with stuff in writing.

i tried to explain this, she says it's not neccessary as 'he's a lovely man'...

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

You can't stop her from taking him in and he may be totally legitimate for all we know. But if she goes ahead, I'd be going round there often just to check that he's trustworthy in your eyes.

might have to give my anger time to die down before i go & meet him i'm afraid. i can only think that if i was a mother & planning to do something like this, i'd at least get my daughter to meet him before hand. still entirely down to her what she does, but if there's nothing to hide, why not?

Money_maker wrote: »

As a lodger, he wouldn't have many rights. But what about if it turns sour and she wants him out? Any big men in the family able to help out?

yes, plenty of muscle available if needs be but i hope to god it would never come to that.

who knows, there could be a romantic element to this that i'm not being told about, that's her business. but even if that was the case, this is a lot younger man who she's known for a year & probably seen on 6-8 occasions - i am not happy about this in any way, shape or form!

Kay_Peel

She has taken leave of her senses. :eek:

If she pays the Community charge and lives alone, she will lose her discount and have to pay full whack. But that's a small matter.

She doesn't know him and she has no references for him. Hasn't she read about gullible men and women who have been blind to charms of spongers like him?

If she's going to go through with this hair-brained scheme then at least she should look at Taking in a Lodger website and learn about the contracts and her tax position. it will be too late when he's sitting on her sofa and got his feet up on the coffee table.

Personally, I would be having a word in his shell-like. But I'm like that. I can spot a sponger exploiting my mother a mile off. You've spotted him too - so good luck with it.

AbbieCadabra

i'd not even thought about 1 person discount on her council tax, i just know that she'll end up not charging him anything because she feels sorry for him - this is getting even worse the more i think about it...argh!

thanks for the link Kay, i'll be printing off & giving to her asap, she won't have thought about ANY of this...

Errata

If he won't be there often then mum can't have seen him often and that means she doesn't know him.
I doubt mum will listen to anyone, so the solution might be to have a very meaningful chat with the bloke, if he's in a financial mess my bet is he won't want to pay mum anything and she'll get stiffed with the council tax.
I'm with Kay on this - all the way, but what if mum won't listen to sense? This is where a male relative comes in handy to put the fear of god up the wannabe lodger.

Oblique

When people take in a lodger they often don't know the lodger. It's pretty depressing reading all this knee-jerk scare mongering. The only problem seems to be the fact that the mother actually knows more about this man than she might otherwise know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Maybe she just wants him for sex?

ceecee1

What sort of pension does she get? Is it just State Retirement pension or does she get any Pension Credit as well?

If it is just State Retirement Pension she will be OK but will need to declare any other person living in her property to Pension Credit and this might affect the amount that she gets.

AbbieCadabra

Errata wrote: »

If he won't be there often then mum can't have seen him often and that means she doesn't know him.

think she's seen him all of 6-8 times from i can gather, no foundation for really 'knowing' someone.

Oblique wrote: »

When people take in a lodger they often don't know the lodger. It's pretty depressing reading all this knee-jerk scare mongering. The only problem seems to be the fact that the mother actually knows more about this man than she might otherwise know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Maybe she just wants him for sex?

no, if it was a strictly mum/lodger scenario it would be on a more formal arrangement. this is nothing like that, & that's what's worrying me so much.

a guy in his mid 30's & a 70 year old? whatever get's them off, i don't need to know about it & it's none of my business.

ceecee1 wrote: »

What sort of pension does she get?

no idea, i think this is covered in some of the info i've just printed off.

i think i'm going to have to take a very big step back from this for a few weeks & see how it goes. i've printed off some info/guidelines for her & a lodger agreement. it's up to her what she does with this.

seriously feel sick to the bottom of my stomach right now...:(

Errata

Might be a case of prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Good luck with it, although it's difficult because your mum probably doesn't realise that holiday coach drivers are experienced in the gift of the gab.
I'm trying to think what I'd do in your shoes. Probably bang on to mum about mad axe murderers, dirty bathroom habits, brinigng women back, drunken barging about at 3 in the morning

ETA and last but not least - increasing the house insurance.