Advice on CSA please... long story

confused.net

Where do I start... this is my first post but I dont know where else to turn...

My partner split up from his now ex 3 years ago.

They have a (now)15 year old son.

Mother has denied all access to son, using emotional blackmail and saying dad has a new family so doesnt want him.

I (new partner) have kept contact with son via phone and meeting him for past 3 years, he has no problem with me jnew him before.

There are no court proceedings regarding son as father didnt want him to have to go throught that.

Son has been talking to father and visiting our house for the last 6 months ... :T ... patience paid off.

Divorce- Mother got House, everything in it and CSA payments

Father took on £50k joint debt which is now being paid through CCCS. Father let her have what she wanted for the sake of the boy. We are even paying off a kitchen loan for a kitchen she now has in her house !!

CSA- we are farmers CSA assessment was done whilst we were harvesting and have been trying to get it sorted since the assessment.
Kitchen loan of £15k we pay makes £1 difference a week.

Son is now visiting us and stays for the weekend. We live 60 miles away so this is a 120 mile trip done twice every weekend which costs us over £100-00.

CSA do not know the cost of this or that the boy stays with us as mother would stop him coming again. Boy is 16 in January.

What do we do? It is crippling us financially to do this.

How much difference would telling the CSA make that boy is staying with us fri night until sun afternoon and that it is costing us £100-00 a week to do this???

Is it worth the risk of telling the CSA... If it makes a big difference in cost I dont think her telling him he cant come will stop him now. He wants to move in with us when he leaves school in January because we have a farm and there is work here for him.


Mother is in pub at 6pm EVERY night until closing and is putting it about. The boy is having take away for his tea nearly every night. I have set him up a bank account that I pay money into.


Thank you for listening if you are still here ...

mspa

Why doesnt he come and live with you now?

HappyMJ

confused.net wrote: »

Son is now visiting us and stays for the weekend. We live 60 miles away so this is a 120 mile trip done twice every weekend which costs us over £100-00.

CSA do not know the cost of this or that the boy stays with us as mother would stop him coming again. Boy is 16 in January.

What do we do? It is crippling us financially to do this.

How much difference would telling the CSA make that boy is staying with us fri night until sun afternoon and that it is costing us £100-00 a week to do this???

£100 a week for 120 miles? Stop using taxis. They will use only petrol used in the calculation at about 15p a mile so about £18. They can also use the public transport cost for 1 return child ticket if travel by car is not possible. For me travel from my town to Sheffield which is 60 miles away and a child ticket off peak return with friends and family railcard is £4.30 or £11.30 if you let him travel on his own. The other option is to use 50% of an adult day return if you were to visit him for the day. An adult day return would be £10.50 so half that would be £5.25. Very reasonable costs so they wouldn't even consider it.

CSA_Help

The overnight stays would make a difference though.

Sometimes public transport isnt an option and driving is the only available option.

The parent with care would find out soon enough either way whether it be travel for contact costs or overnight stays

PreludeForTimeFeelers

confused.net wrote: »

CSA- we are farmers CSA assessment was done whilst we were harvesting and have been trying to get it sorted since the assessment.
Kitchen loan of £15k we pay makes £1 difference a week.

Son is now visiting us and stays for the weekend. We live 60 miles away so this is a 120 mile trip done twice every weekend which costs us over £100-00.

How much difference would telling the CSA make that boy is staying with us fri night until sun afternoon and that it is costing us £100-00 a week to do this???

Are you self-employed? If not, then it should be easy enough to give the NRP's payslips and get a new assessment carried out.

If the son stays 2 nights every week then shared care will be Band 2, which would be a reduction of 2/7 off the calculation. You would get a reduction for shared care, or for travel costs, not for both.

Fiver29

confused.net wrote: »

Where do I start... this is my first post but I dont know where else to turn...

My partner split up from his now ex 3 years ago.

They have a (now)15 year old son.

Mother has denied all access to son, using emotional blackmail and saying dad has a new family so doesnt want him.

I (new partner) have kept contact with son via phone and meeting him for past 3 years, he has no problem with me jnew him before.

There are no court proceedings regarding son as father didnt want him to have to go throught that.

Son has been talking to father and visiting our house for the last 6 months ... :T ... patience paid off.

Divorce- Mother got House, everything in it and CSA payments

Father took on £50k joint debt which is now being paid through CCCS. Father let her have what she wanted for the sake of the boy. We are even paying off a kitchen loan for a kitchen she now has in her house !!

CSA- we are farmers CSA assessment was done whilst we were harvesting and have been trying to get it sorted since the assessment.
Kitchen loan of £15k we pay makes £1 difference a week.

Son is now visiting us and stays for the weekend. We live 60 miles away so this is a 120 mile trip done twice every weekend which costs us over £100-00.

CSA do not know the cost of this or that the boy stays with us as mother would stop him coming again. Boy is 16 in January.

What do we do? It is crippling us financially to do this.

How much difference would telling the CSA make that boy is staying with us fri night until sun afternoon and that it is costing us £100-00 a week to do this???

Is it worth the risk of telling the CSA... If it makes a big difference in cost I dont think her telling him he cant come will stop him now. He wants to move in with us when he leaves school in January because we have a farm and there is work here for him.


Mother is in pub at 6pm EVERY night until closing and is putting it about. The boy is having take away for his tea nearly every night. I have set him up a bank account that I pay money into.


Thank you for listening if you are still here ...

Amazing how many mums do this according to NRPs. How do you know this exactly if you live so far away? I presume it's from the boy? Every thought he's playing both parents to get more money (which seems to be working).

DUTR

Fiver29 wrote: »

Amazing how many mums do this according to NRPs. How do you know this exactly if you live so far away? I presume it's from the boy? Every thought he's playing both parents to get more money (which seems to be working).

Come on , lets not have another NRP bashing thread, the OP is not the NRP by the way
But I agree on people throwing their teddies out of the pram and casting aspertions towards ex partners of both genders

Fiver29

DUTR wrote: »

Come on , lets not have another NRP bashing thread, the OP is not the NRP by the way
But I agree on people throwing their teddies out of the pram and casting aspertions towards ex partners of both genders

I know that.

I just get sick of NRP and their partners constantly coming out with the same old 'she's on the p!ss every night' crap.:mad::mad:

DUTR

Fiver29 wrote: »

I know that.

I just get sick of NRP and their partners constantly coming out with the same old 'she's on the p!ss every night' crap.:mad::mad:

I agree, it's the same where where the access blockers are on form, the guy they chose to have babies with is all of a sudden 'Ted Bundy'
You soon notice the patern on here (MSE), if you have a penis then you are a terrible terrible person, pay up shut up and don't see.
You soon notice the posts and the responses in the CSA and family/relationship sections

1) *PWC wants help = loads of responses and help
2) *NRP wants help = lots of views very little if any help
3) NRPP wants help = lots of responses

* where more often than not the PWC is female and the NRP is male

confused.net

Fiver29 wrote: »

I know that.

I just get sick of NRP and their partners constantly coming out with the same old 'she's on the p!ss every night' crap.:mad::mad:

The next door neighbours confirm that she comes home drunk at 2am every morning and other friends we still have in the town. We have also witnessed it ourselves, her fighting outside pubs drunk at 10pm at night. The neighbours have reported her to Police on occaisions.

CSA payments should be made as food vouchers or vouchers for school uniform.. if they are for the child then the mother wouldnt have a problem with it would they.

And no we havnt heard it from the boy himself.

confused.net

Thanks for all your replies. It would seem that whilst the resident parent has the control over the child and the way the money is spent then there will never be an easy way out of this. The NRP will always be the bad guy and milked for whatever he can.

The question why cant the boy live with us now is because he is due to sit his exams shortly so would be unfair to move him.

Once he is 16 things would be different.. I wonder if once the mother then becomes the NRP whether the comments would be the same if she had to pay us lol.