GUTTED - Need a shoulder to cry on

bellsbells

Sending you hugs, you really sound like you need them. It must be really horrible to have had such a big setback after everything seemed to be going so well. Are there any positives you could focus on, (other than the birth of your baby coming up of course!). Is it possible the lack of overtime could just be temporary? Is your new house lovely? Is the village and countryside beautiful? Is your daughter enjoying her new school? Forgetting the money for a second (I know easier said than done) can you see things that have made this move a good thing?
Hope you feel better soon,

love bellsbells

Sammz

((hugs)) from me too.

gravitytolls

Oh darling, no wonder you're feeling low.

A move to the country always seems like everyone's idea of Heaven. Expectations of cosy coffee mornings, and helpful souls, welcoming pies left on the doorstep etc. are hihg. And the reality is a huge anti climax.

Moving is a dreadfully testing time at teh best of times, and to a completely different location even more so.

Things will improve, I promise. Contact your Avon rep, see if you can be given some better areas, or extend that which you already have. You will build it back up. People do like to have an Avon rep knock on the door, but people are slightly more wary in some parts of the country, and it takes a while to build things up again. Ditto your craft things.

Hubby's feeling the strain too. I truly don't beleive he's happy to be leaving you for work. But perhaps because you're unhappy, he feels impotent or at fault, and can't cope not knowing how to improve things.

Look, if you can rearrange your finances to reflect the new state of affairs, get onto it. And set about meeting people. It's tough when you're feeling low, as you just wna tto hide away. But family groups, Church groups, mother and toddlers etc., are all great ways of meeting people, and making contacts.

Chin up kid, it will get better, and by the end of summer you'll never look back.

mummymoments

Thanks everyone - I don't feel so alone now.

I am going to focus on the positives - the baby, our beautiful 3 year old daughter, our lovely new bigger house etc. Sometimes you do loose sight of these things.

I sorted through most of the clothes we kept when our little one had outgrown them yesterday and I've now got a bedroom full of clothes for the baby which need washing (but hey its going to save us a fortune and it bought back some wonderful memories of Tash when she was little) and the nice thing was that when hubby finished work he helped the two (or should that be 3) of us as well so that has gone a little way to reassuring me that he loves me and wants this baby too. I'm sure your all right about his feelings of guilt etc. I had'nt thought about that (I'll blame the pregnancy hormones while I still can!!!)

As for O/T situation - the company have just employed two more engineers so there now looks no hope of any more O/T ever.

With regard to the course - sadly hubby signed a legally binding contract which insisted that he pay the cost of the course and all accommodation etc costs back if he left the company within 3 years (I've told him never to sign anything like it again!!!)

Avon is a no go as no other rounds available but I am still trying to plod along with craft things.

Thanks again for your kind words. They mean a lot

whatatwit

Morning Mummy, :wave:

You sound really positive today, keep focussing on the benefits of your move, although they may be hidden under the piles of rubbish that life keeps dumping on us.

Your husband was probably relieved to come home and find you more upbeat.

tryhard_2

hi
just read your thread; wanted to wish good luck! i do hope you'll feel happier in the new place when you settle down.

livinginhope

Morning mummymo :hello:

Just wanted to say hi and to ask if you have introduced yourself to any of the villagers? we moved to a village a few years ago,yes the house is lovely as is the area,but I felt so alone and I wasn't pregnant! my DH came home from work one day to find me sobbing and saying we had made the biggest mistake of our lives,he got a bit sarcastic and said 'well maybe if you knocked on some doors and said hi,people may say hello back' it hurt me badly,but I thought I can't get any more miserable,next day I found the courage to knock on a door,could have been anyone,but it was a middle aged lady who is lovely,I said I'm LIH I live down the lane,she invited me in for coffee and told me that she thought I would be 'stand offish' as I hadn't spoken to anyone :rolleyes: I said I was shy,but was determined to make an effort,I have never looked back,I now know most people here and they are very friendly,they think I'm a bit of an eccentric (sp?),but that's a whole other story
In short,as my DH said,things won't come to you,you have to find them.
I really hope you feel better soon,being pregnant can be awful,it's not always the wonderful experience we hope it will be.
On a positive note,your debts are not that big,so although things seem bad,they could be worse
Good luck with the baby
LIH

plumduff-2

OMG - Your doing so well, and cant even see it sweets...

Look at all the debt you have already repaid... You have done fantastic... Your hubby is probably reeling from a bruised ego - my hubby likes to think of himself as chief wage-earner and man of the house... [sigh..!] - yeah right... He may not be showing it, but you are propping him up no end... He's just taking his frustration out on you... Unfortunately...

Keep at it... You are obviously a strong, loyal fantastic woman... pregnancy hormones are probably getting to you...

Get the craft stuff up on ebay - I shall have to start searching.. and maybe in some small way we could all help you out by buying stuff from you on ebay... :-)

dfwz

Hi morningmummy. I had a look at your signature, things are going well! focus on that :-)

Also, I've been in your husbands position and here is how I felt. I had debts that scared me and when I got home the unpaid bills were hitting the door mat and my wife was going on about new this for the baby new that for the baby. I also gave up holidays to make more cash. End result was I never got a break and I started being really grumpy to the wife and the kids and I didn't know why. Whenever I was away from home I didn't have to deal with all that and it felt better, although I missed my family a lot.

What helped me through this was my wifes strength, she was great when it got tough and she tried hard. Maybe your husband needs to sit back and see that. Maybe he needs some sort of reward for his hard work and maybe you do too. Get someone to take the kids and have a night in to talk about your debts and your troubles, it may not be as bad as you think. Looking at your current position you can look back at what went well and praise your husband for doing so well. Sounds to me like the man is running all over the place trying to sort this out and is probably feeling exactly the same way you are.

I don't claim some sort of miraculous insight into your relationship but I know how strained mine became. I'm not out of debt yet, but I am happier. Time to regroup and make the front lines stronger :-)

mummymoments

Hi everyone - me again.

After an upbeat day yesterday my pregnancy hormones must be raging again cos I feel like bursting into tears again at any opportunity.

Hubby came home from work last night in a bad mood promptly told me that he was going away again to work for the next three days and nights and that I was a useless wife, mother and housewife (especially on the cooking and cleaning the kitchen aspect) and that I'm doing nothing to bring in any extra cash. I admit that I'm not the best on the domestic duties front but I am really trying to help moneywise - its just that as he can earn £200 a day from his job my monthly £40ish pounds from ebay, surveys, mystery shopping etc dos'nt seem much but for me it is and every penny helps. Given our situation with me pregnant and a wonderful 3 year old girl to look after with no family support whatsoever (including my husband) as they all live so far away I don't know what else I can do at present!

I know we have done a great job of clearing off a lot of the debt but at the moment after doing so well I just can't see the wood for the trees.
It got so bad with hubby yelling and swearing at me in front of Tash (our 3 year old) last night that she told him that she dos'nt want him to be her daddy anymore but even that did'nt stop him!!!

Maybe its good that he has gone away for a few days at least he won't be shouting at me!! I know he must be stressed and feel guilty about the situation and if the age old saying is right that you take your anger out on the people you love most that he must love me loads and loads but at the minute all I want is a cuddle, a hug, a bit of love a little bit of understanding.

Sorry moaning again - promise I'll try and be happier soon but feel better just for writing it all down and knowing that you lot are thinking about me.

Thinking positive thoughts about baby now and that without hubby would'nt have got such a beautiful girl as our Tash - promise!!!! Mind you I also would'nt be stuck in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere with a starting debt of nearly 30K either!!!!

Positive, positive, positive - I shall keep chanting it to myself!