GUTTED - Need a shoulder to cry on

mummymoments

Hello all,

I feel like crying at the moment. My husband had just reached his lightbulb moment and we were doing really well in clearing off our debts which at LBM had reached nearly 40k.

We have just moved (well just over three months ago) as my husband was offered a better paid job with another company who also paid us a relocation allowance (which have used to clear lots of the debt) and which should have meant that he would not have to work away as much and accordingly both our little girl and me would get to see him more often. There was always a regular supply of overtime as he could always pick up some for his off shift days which was great for the higher mortgage we had to take out and also for putting towards the CC debts.

However there is now no overtime available. He is now having to go back to his old employer (which is over 100 miles away and so he has to stay the nights he works) to get extra money and to make matters worse his old employers have since increased their wages to their employers to over 5k more than he is now currently on at his new company. And just to top it off had he have stayed put he would not be having to pay back £200 month to his old employer for a course for which he was bonded too (at least they have agreed interest free on the £10k debt) but I could cry.

Before we moved I had built up a successful Avon round making about £100 month and also a craft stall which although took lots of hard work and dedication to start with was just starting to pay dividends and I could easily make £150 clear profit from one day! Having now moved to a small village in the country (where everyone seems to be real snobs and will only buy designer label and brand name items) I am failing on making any money out of either of these things where I now am.

Hubby is really grumpy (I can sort of understand why) and has booked all of his holiday off in the next few weeks so he can get more work to earn extra money and even more worringly has agreed to do a course at his actual works in Amsterdam at around the time the baby is due to born (I am 30 weeks pregnant) so he can get extra money on his salary each month. I am now feeling that he dos'nt really want me, his daughter or especially the baby as he seems really happy when he goes away for days at a time to work and everytime I try to approach the subject of the course and what if I hav'nt had the baby by then he just ends up swearing at me.

I am really trying to bring in some extra cash by ebaying, quidcoing, pigsbacking, mystery shopping, setting up on website shop, saving money on household budget etc like mad but he just keeps getting angry at me saying that as I don't work he has no choice!!!!

Sometimes I feel like people just don't like me!!!!!

Sorry for ranting and feeling sorry for myself but I do feel a bit better already. Any support, kind words or love would be gratefully rec'd. TA xx

mjdh1957

!!!!{Hugs}}}

It's really bad when plans you make go wrong. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Don't have any concrete advice, but I hope you can make things work in the long run. And you've got a new baby to look forward to!

!!{Hugs again}}

hypno06

Hi, not sure what to say that will be helpful, but just want you to know that I am ending you hugs over.

You have done really well so far, and I know that you will pull through this.

:grouphug:

whatatwit

You know deep down that your husband is trying to secure the best future possible for you and your children.

If you are still feeling poorly with the pregnancy, then everything seems to grow out of proportion.

Your husband loves you and no doubt he feels really awful too with everything that has happened.
Give it time, I'm sure it will start to come right again.

On the positive side, at least you cleared as much of your debts when you could, it would have been easy to blow the extra money thinking that you would have plenty of time later to sort out debts.

Chin up, and keep posting, have a rant on here and then you can support your husband with a smile....through gritted teeth....

LJD1_2

Just wanted to add my hugs. It's really horrid when you seem to be doing so well and then it all goes pear shaped. Sorry I haven't got any fab advice to sort things out.....wish I did have then I could sort me out too! Big hugs and take care xxxxxxxx

KittyKate

I don't know if this is any practical help to you but I'm a web & graphic designer and I am more than happy to help with your website shop. Free of chrage of course, it's the MSE way!

I'm sure with your continued hard work and dedication you will manage to make good - your husband loves you and your one on the way but he's clearly stressed and snappy, he's trying as hard as he can and it's probably all he knows how to do right now. So don't stress about that.

Best of luck and health to you xxx

lynzpower

I agree with whatawit.

I had a mate who moved areas for his job and they both hate the area, struggling for money, she cant find work, its all a nightmare. theyve ended up in an area they dont like, doesnt work for them and he feels so responsible for it all. Could this be happening to him?

If you imagine in his position maybe he feels he cant win for losing, hes having to take his holiday now to sort out cash probs, your unhappy , about to have a baby, you cant work, you BOTH must feel trapped.

Instead of being on "opposite" sides, couold you start a convo about how you BOTH feel peeved by it all, that you are on the same side- you two against the world. Maybe goig to amsterdam is a break from the harsh reality of debt repayment and pressure- I know Id see it like that. I know you dont get that break, but you can understand why its attractive.

Hang in there, build some bridges and brace yourselves for the fight- together.

Sending hugs
lynz

clarab_3

((hugs)) How awful for you both... Your husband sounds like a hard working man trying to do his best to secure you and your families future though. It can't be easy being pregnant and dealing with these kind of emotional upheavals.

I look at your sig and I see the light at the end of the tunnel though - you've both done so well! Take a deep breath honey, in a years time you'll be debt free, have a beautiful family and your husband wont have to work these horendous hours and be able to spend time with you all... perhaps its better he does it now than while your children are growing up??

Chin up x

In_Search_Of_Me

Just a little bumpy hug as though further encouragement required. What a nighmare for you both...OH is probably just feeling stressed and tired and you always take it out of the ones you love most. Tell him how you're feeling and hopfully he'll realise that hes been taking it out on you and apologise. What support have you got locally? Have you managed to get to any playgroups etc yet (unsure how old your DD is!) and meet some people? Moving area is very isolating and esp hard when you're pregnant as naturally more tired and emotional. Hope things improve for you soon but wanted to send a hug meanwhile...

sashacat

Please stop worrying. At least you've paid off a lot of debt with your relocation money, which you wouldn't have had if he hadn't moved job. I think he just feels guilty about moving and it going wrong...blokes are like that. What's this course that he owes £10k for, are you sure he is legally obliged to pay it off. Must be one hell of a course to cost that much..that's more than it costs for 3 years at university.....ask him to check it out....and lots of hugs

bank_of_slate

Hi mummy!
Huge hugs for you babe,

You're in a pickle and the vibe that I pick up is the fact that maybe your hubby feels like he has totally let the family down and made a big mistake?
He must be under immense amounts of pressure at the moment to deliver.

You can't make him talk about it if he's not ready to, or maybe he just doesn't have the answers for you.

He probably enjoys getting away because it is escapism, he will have work to distract him from the bigger picture.

Have you tried telling him or writing down in a note and hiding it in his pocket before he leaves that you love him, support him and will do everything that you can to help you both pull out of this situation.
Keep posting hon, we make a point not to judge people or their circumstances!
...Linda xx