Why/how is it selfish if you don't want to invite others to your own wedding?

74jax

The word has cropped up with me at work - by my boss............

I work in a small office of 4 other people, myself and 2 others get on really well and socialise outside of work. The other person never comes out with us, doesn't invite to out and so we have what I would call a working relationship.

I'm getting married and her and my boss are not invited, yet the other two are. I couldn't imagine them not being there.

The only problem is she is getting married also and has invited the whole office, which is fine and isn't a problem in itself, however my boss has said it's selfish of me not to invite her if she has invited me......

johannalf88

I don't think it's selfish, each to their own. The fact that you are even thinkin about it shows you are thinking about others. I could never get married just the two of us (as tempting as it may be!) as r grandparents would be devastated. N I actually mean they would really care. They wouldn't say anything, but I couldn't do that to them. Saying that, If it wasn't for them I would probably consider getting married abroad.

So have no idea why it's considered selfish?!?

Idiophreak

I'm sorry, but I do think it's a bit selfish.

A wedding, to me, is not just about committing to each other, it's about standing up in front of family and friends and declaring your love for each other. It's about sharing your joy, celebrating your love.

Thankfully, we've still some way to go (conception, for a start ), but if my children decide to run off and get married on their own...I will certainly consider it very selfish. I raise them, love them, care for them...and they choose not to include me in their wedding day - I'd feel rejected. And the fact that my children would either not think about, or not care about, my feelings would make them selfish.

Having said that, selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'd be upset, I'd think they were selfish, but I'd like to think I'd realise that, ultimately, it's their life - and they can do what they want. Even if what they want hurts my feelings. One of my best friends is very selfish...I don't get offended by it any more, it's just their way

74jax

Idiophreak wrote: »

A wedding, to me, is not just about committing to each other, it's about standing up in front of family and friends and declaring your love for each other. It's about sharing your joy, celebrating your love.

You see, to me the commitment is to my H2B and the only other person I wouldn't get married without being there would by my DD as really my H2B is taking her on as well as me (if that makes sense).

I would love my close friends and family to share this moment with me, but it isn't the be-all-and-end-all of me getting married. As long as DD and H2B are there, I truly don't think (to me) I need anyone else.

As it is I'm having a very small wedding with those who are the most important people in my life, but it was a close call between that and just us 3 ourselves, and to be honest I'm still not 100% sure which way we'll go.

Minimoo24

i gave someone an eneving invitation and she was really rude about it - lucky she got one at all and in my eyes thats her being selfish to be honest i thought about revoking that invite lol

Idiophreak

74jax wrote: »

I would love my close friends and family to share this moment with me, but it isn't the be-all-and-end-all of me getting married. As long as DD and H2B are there, I truly don't think (to me) I need anyone else.

I think my favourite part of the service was when the "audience" all got to say their "we will". Made me feel very loved and supported. But I guess that's me being selfish in a different way

ampafc

Idiophreak wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I do think it's a bit selfish.

A wedding, to me, is not just about committing to each other, it's about standing up in front of family and friends and declaring your love for each other. It's about sharing your joy, celebrating your love.

Thankfully, we've still some way to go (conception, for a start ), but if my children decide to run off and get married on their own...I will certainly consider it very selfish. I raise them, love them, care for them...and they choose not to include me in their wedding day - I'd feel rejected. And the fact that my children would either not think about, or not care about, my feelings would make them selfish.

Having said that, selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'd be upset, I'd think they were selfish, but I'd like to think I'd realise that, ultimately, it's their life - and they can do what they want. Even if what they want hurts my feelings. One of my best friends is very selfish...I don't get offended by it any more, it's just their way

Have to agree with that (Sorry OP).

I thunk that some people also choose to have nobody else there because they don't want to spend any money (Although of course some people can't afford much) on anyone but themselves! I wonder if the OP has ever been to someone else's wedding? if so, it's kinda like they are happy to take and not give?

shellsuit

Idiophreak wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I do think it's a bit selfish.

A wedding, to me, is not just about committing to each other, it's about standing up in front of family and friends and declaring your love for each other. It's about sharing your joy, celebrating your love.

Thankfully, we've still some way to go (conception, for a start ), but if my children decide to run off and get married on their own...I will certainly consider it very selfish. I raise them, love them, care for them...and they choose not to include me in their wedding day - I'd feel rejected. And the fact that my children would either not think about, or not care about, my feelings would make them selfish.

Having said that, selfish isn't always a bad thing. I'd be upset, I'd think they were selfish, but I'd like to think I'd realise that, ultimately, it's their life - and they can do what they want. Even if what they want hurts my feelings. One of my best friends is very selfish...I don't get offended by it any more, it's just their way

I've got 3 children and if any of them decided they wanted to flounce off and get married, I'd be gutted, but I'd also be happy for them too. I wouldn't think they were being selfish at all. It'd be their wedding, not mine.

Idiophreak

shellsuit wrote: »

I've got 3 children and if any of them decided they wanted to flounce off and get married, I'd be gutted, but I'd also be happy for them too. I wouldn't think they were being selfish at all. It'd be their wedding, not mine.

To be devil's advocate: They'd be happy and you'd be gutted. Apparently they wouldn't care about you being gutted, as long as they were happy...Is that not selfish?

White_Sapphire

I suppose in some respects not inviting anyone is selfish, in that the couple are causing people to naturally feel a certain sense of rejection. However, for instance in my sister's case, having a traditional wedding with all the vows, speeches etc would actually be mortifying for her as she is an intensely private person, as is her H2B. Those of us who know her well are well aware of this, and although I admit to being a little upset that I won't get to witness her getting married, I would feel far worse knowing that she was putting herself through something she felt very uncomfortable with just to please other people. To expect people who are not interested in a wedding as such, who are either very very short of money but still want to be married and are willing to forego the traditional wedding for that reason, or who are extremely shy or don't feel comfortable with having their feelings on display, to put themselves through emotional or financial stress just to put on a show to keep everyone else happy, is to me far more selfish.

As for the 'happy to take but not give' comment, with all due respect if you were to take that to its natural conclusion then everyone should always be invited to the weddings of everyone who was invited to theirs. Some couples choose to put on a big party with all their family and friends, some just want immediate family and close friends, and some simply want to be married and don't really want a wedding at all.

For my H2B and me, our wedding IS about having family and friends there to celebrate, and to thank them for their love and support. But I do not inflict my view of my wedding on anyone else or their wedding.