Relationship help.

Dorisx

You need to show him that you're independant, show him that you dont NEED him, if he loves you then he'll come back - if he doesnt then you need to make time for yourself and forget about him as anything apart from your childs father - Good Luck! x

deja_vu_2

I'm gonna turn phone off and leave it - if there's any emergency then there's ways to contact me.

Sorry i cant quote everyone but few things I wanted to respond to (sorry if i miss any point - i have read them all)

I've heard about this "typical" man thing lol must remember it!

I know why i've let him take control of the relationship, It's something i'm working on - isnt actually anything to do with him, more something else that happened.

Parenting - Kids will ALWAYS come first - I dont let on anything is wrong (I know someone will say kids sense things) but routine hasnt actually changed much. Baby isnt born so access not an issue at minute

January20 - I've been told that, and i've said it to friends about their relationships - I just cant seem to put it into practise with mine

Kay peel - I would agree partly - What i dont understand is why say all the lovely dovey bits if it was just about the baby. He knows - and has been told - if he doesnt want to be with me then fine, I'd not stop him seeing the kids etc (and he knows i wouldnt) - He gets plenty of attention elsewhere so why be bothered that its from me?

He doesnt look on this part of the forum so no worries about him glancing on it - was a bit "hmm" in case he searched for my other ID IFYWIM

balletshoes - i've started too already now tbh

MoreOn - in the years i've known him he has NEVER acted like this with anyone. I asked whether it was something i'd done and he keeps assuring me it isnt but cant quite tell me what. I know he was stressed about things, money etc, but he wont let me help him sort his finances etc out so i gave in with that! Before we worked together he had a very active social life, when we got together this continued but included "us" having some time together alone, and with friends. He moved in, then lost his job so wasnt able to and i know this got to him alot. Because he wasnt able to go out, I stopped heading out with friends too and it became all about him IYKWIM. obviously cant head out now as much but have started going for coffee etc with the girls and hopefully it wont revolve around him any more (does that make sense?)

Sorry if i have missed anyone

neverdespairgirl

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I think he is being fair to you and behaving properly.

I don't think having a planned baby then sodding off like this is good behaviour.

deja_vu_2

I'm wondering if part of this sudden U turn when i fell pregnant is to do with his other child (and not actually much to do with me?) - he currently has no access set up and although he doesnt show it i know he misses his child. (am fishing here!)

elvis86

Brilliant, so you've both already got kids from failed relationships, and he hasn't even managed to maintain contact with his. And despite this, you decided it was a great idea to rush into having a baby after a little more than a year together*..?

Sounds to me like he's about to become a serial absentee father, and you're the latest silly sap to get left holding the baby.:(

Why are people so quick to make the lifelong commitment of having a child together, and then completely shocked when things don't work out?

Even if you choose the father of your child more wisely, having kids is stressful and would test the best of relationships with the most mature and responsible guys. IMO, if your relationship hasn't got the good foundation of a few years of just being together, it's hardly suprising when it fails.

*Lest I be accused of jumping to conclusions, I worked this out based on the fact that you say you've been together "a little under 2 years", that you got pregnant then he moved out, and that this was a "few months ago".

deja_vu_2

harsh much?

Access is going through courts - Mother has moved 400 miles away, debate about access as she is demanding two hour supervised sessions (no actual reason other than he hasnt seen child since she moved not long ago) and will take him 8 hours round trip to get there, he wants longer access and she's refusing - so no, not an absentee father by choice.

Planned very quickly - i know - but was advised by dr's to start trying (health implications etc). Spoke about it, went with it. We was together a year before we planned, didnt actually expect it to happen so quickly (was told it was 'unlikely' to happen quick by doctors due to my health/meds etc - shoulda known they would be wrong) as mentioned, not someone i've only just met and this is not how he "normally" is.

peachyprice

deja_vu wrote: »

as mentioned, not someone i've only just met and this is not how he "normally" is.

But he been "like this" for some time hasn't he. Otherwise all would be well and he wouldn't have moved out months ago, not too long after you got pregnant.

I'll say it again, if you can't live together now, at what should be an exciting time for both of you, there really isn't much of a relationship left.

He's trying to let you down gently, but you don't seem to be taking the hint.

gratefulforhelp_2

Have to say OP it sounds like he is not really your prince.

MoreOn

deja_vu wrote: »

MoreOn - I know he was stressed about things, money etc, but he wont let me help him sort his finances etc out so i gave in with that!

lost his job so wasnt able to and i know this got to him alot.

I stopped heading out with friends too and it became all about him IYKWIM. obviously cant head out now as much but have started going for coffee etc with the girls and hopefully it wont revolve around him any more (does that make sense?)

Sorry if i have missed anyone

I can't pretend to be him.. given the history you've mentioned, there is a mixture of issues that he'd need to open up about, come to terms with and in some instances resolve. While this may be seen as a rejection of you I see it as his opportunity to grow and become the father/partner he needs and perhaps can be... Regardless of whether people think typical bloke and well he's enjoying single life.. come on.. if he wanted that it's easy enough to get and you don't have to be single...

If you believe there is something, it maybe worth suggesting counseling, although be wary some I hear are very "feminist", also re-enforce the he must be open if it's going to work and we have a 50/50 relationship... don't be put down..