Half rant/half looking for any bright ideas! BIL & FIL situation

LittleMissKitty

Hi, I've posted in the benefits board about this for advice but want to have a bit of a rant too!

BIL is 33, unemployed (and unemployable :mad:) and has NO intention of ever doing anything other than play computer games and tell people how they're wrong about anything and everything until he dies. He lived with his parents (my in-laws) until MIL died in July and now it's just him and FIL. FIL wants shot of the house because a) It's far too big b) it costs a pile of money to keep running and c) FIL has ALWAYS wanted to downsize so he can have a simpler life (think park-home style living).

Basically FIL wants rid of BIL but doesn't want to kick him out if he thinks he'll end up on the streets. Personally I think he'll couch-surf for a while and then finally drag himself off to the council and get emergency housing because he's a prat but he's not stupid. FIL can't sell with BIL in the house and can't get a retirement property with BIL in tow. BIL WILL NOT make any plans to move out and keeps telling FIL that he needs to keep the house. He's putting NO money into the upkeep and FIL is keeping them both afloat on a small pension and savings.

BIL LOVES to tell FIL he's wrong (about everything) and acts like he owns the place. It means that FIL is not comfortable in his own home and has been over here twice a week since MIL was found (early July). This is gonna sound really selfish as I love FIL, he's a wonderful bloke: but DH and I are getting hardly any alone time! For example - we'd settled down, had baths, all 4 kids early to bed (which is NOT easy!), wine opened and we'd seen approximately 5 minutes of the film we'd just bought when there's a knock at the window. I went to bed an hour later and FIL didn't leave until midnight

I KNOW there's nothing anyone other than FIL can actually do about it but it's driving me nuts! It's nigh on impossible to get couple-time with 4 kids under 7 at the best of times but we hardly even see each other anymore

Grrrrrrrrr, rant over. :rotfl: If you read this far thankyou!!!

Kitty x

leandygandy

I'm not sure what the family dynamic is, so my suggestion may not work...

If it were my brother and I, I'd be fine telling my brother that he was taking the P and that he needed to move on so that my mother/father were able to do what they desired. Similarly I'd also be able to tell my parent that I thought they needed to grab the bull by the horns and get it sorted. And I would support (emotionally!) both parties in order to facilitate this.

Is there any reason why your husband cannot do the same?

I do feel for you though, it's not nice when there aren't enough hours in the day to spend with your loved ones. I hope your BIL sees sense and moves on soon.

victory

For the time being I suppose it is understandable that FIL wants company and comes over but in the long run the BIL is the one to get rid of, you could I reckon ask FIL to come over when the time suits, pre-arranged?

Why has everyone allowed BIL to be this way?

Desperado99

Sounds a lot like my dad and brother.

After my mum died, and my brother got divorced, my brother moved back home with dad (dad worked away mon-fri). They are polar opposites, dad is a neat freak, and my brother is most definitely not.

Dad decided he wanted to downsize and TOLD my brother that he had a month to move out.
He moved out.
About six months later, Dad put the house on the market (it sold and he moved about a year later). Absolutely the best thing Dad did, my brother got a flat, went to night school and is now a teacher.

Everyone is much happier

creditcard123

If BIL wont move then FIL just puts the house on the market and when it sells FIL buys himself a nice 1 bed roomed retirement flat
Harsh but Fair BIL is an adult and should be treated as one no one is responsible for him apart from himself Also think his brother should be having a quiet word with him

j.e.j.

Maybe try arranging with FiL that he comes over on a certain day or at a certain time, rather then just randomly turning up on your doorstep, as that's not fair on you and your OH.

As for the couch potato BiL, if your Fil wants to sell the place you could all as a family give him moral support and help him stand up to his son, who at 33 really is old enough to fend for himself (unless he has health issues or something..?)

I've a feeling that BiL would simply find someone else to cadge and live off if he were no longer able to live the life he's used to living at your FiLs.

Kay_Peel

I'd contact three estate agents, get quotes for selling the property and have a dirty great For Sale sign on the house.

I'd spend all day at house viewings and talk enthusiastically about the ones I'd seen.

It's going to take months and months before I found a property, so BIL is going to get used to the idea in that time.

I'd hand him a brush and a tin of paint and say: 'Let's start with your bedroom and give it a freshen up, shall we?. Give me a shout if you need a brew." And then I start dusting and washing down paintwork in preparation for BIL to do some glossing.:rotfl:

Yes, I'd get him redecorating and freshening the house while I went on my viewings. But then I wouldn't take much nonsense from him, the sponging waster.

FatVonD

Offer BIL a home with yourself for as long as it takes for your FIL to sell his house (I believe currently he'd need your BIL to sign as he would be being made homeless by the sale.) Once FIL has moved you kick BIL out of your house. Sorted

dirtysexymonkey

FatVonD wrote: »

Offer BIL a home with yourself for as long as it takes for your FIL to sell his house (I believe currently he'd need your BIL to sign as he would be being made homeless by the sale.) Once FIL has moved you kick BIL out of your house. Sorted

really? why is that?

op i think your fil needs to sort this. your husband needs to back him up too and get rid of this waster.

FatVonD

I've sold properties before where I've had a live-in partner (who wasn't on the mortgage) and they've had to sign to say they'll agree to leave, without that you aren't guaranteeing vacant possession.

dirtysexymonkey

FatVonD wrote: »

I've sold properties before where I've had a live-in partner (who wasn't on the mortgage) and they've had to sign to say they'll agree to leave, without that you aren't guaranteeing vacant possession.

oh. i thought that just applied to people in relationships and lodgers and such like. scary that it can include anyone who lives/stays there for a bit.:eek:

fil def needs to kick the lazy workshy donkey out!