Mature student having a confidence crisis - any advice?

alyth

Thank you for your posts and sharing your experiences, I really do appreciate them. I've had a reflective morning and a long walk with the dog and thought some things over. Three people have left my life recently, one in particular was a uni friend closer to my age who transferred to another uni and we used to have coffee, etc before classes and I miss her, more than I thought to be honest.

I do isolate myself up here, everyone knows it, I never go on nights out with work or friends, I have been out over the summer for lunches and days out with friends, but I think because I'm not naturally academic I tend to obsessively study, and now I'm back at uni I feel guilty if I take any time away from the books. Strangely, an email came in this morning from a 65 year old who's on my degree course but in another location, asking me if I was okay as I was looking sad, and another email came in from a friend asking to go for lunch next week, so I've immediately replied saying yes!

It's probably the change from having so much time off over the summer to going back to the juggle of uni/work and dog. And my dog is a massive tie, I adore her and will never leave her, but I'd forgotten how clingy she is as she's used to having me here all day over summertime.

But for sure there are a few changes I need to make, I've already emailed the uni student services asking on how to set up a mature student society, I think I probably have to stop putting so much pressure on myself - my family are a lot more academic than I am, so I get a little pressure from them at times - even at my age!

And Primark - far too expensive for me The charity shops in my nearest town are brilliant, and customers are always putting lovely clothes through the till, so I think it's time to investigate the clothing department of my store! And make a bit more of an effort with make up, etc - a friend who uses this site is really helpful with regards to stuff like that, I'll arrange to go out with her soon and get some hints.

Thank you again, it's been so helpful reading through some really inspiration and motivational posts.

3v3

alyth - re the clothes thing. Most recently (well the past few days) I was awarded a wonderful compliment from a very dear friend of mine; she said, "you are so lucky, you can wear anything! When I first met you you wore a lovely style, then you went to Uni and your style changed and you look stunning!" Well, my style changed simply because *I* had changed Uni actually gave me the confidence to dress in my own way (not what fashion dictates) and at my own expense (charity shops are a wonderful place to find unique items) and together, they boosted my own self confidence. Less than one week ago, I was out on a day trip with my dear friend (to another County) and we went for a meal in the evening ... (I can't believe I'm even admitting this!) ... the young waiter approached my friend while I was in the toilet to ask how old I was because ... "She is so sexy!!!" ... Of course my friend responded with a defensive: "Old enough to be your mother!", and even though I do not see any seriousness in his banter, I do admit, it was a lovely experience The bottom line being, self-confidence is *very* sexy (to some ) and I certainly did feel confident in my own skin that day Now, all that banter aside, I am not looking for anyone in my life - I thrive as my own person.

Good for you for answering that email with a spontaneous "yes"! I can really relate to the long summer off syndrome!

Keep smiling, keep that glorious goal in focus ... but if a time strikes where you wobble, remember it is merely that: a wobble It doesn't define you

Dress the way which expresses you; study to the point you feel comfortable and confident; say "yes" a smidgen more often and you will find the balance you seek

MissGivings_2

Think about how much you're thanking people on here. Are you a pleaser? It seems so, from the hint you gave about your family background.

That's absolutely fine, but do also give some deep thought to what you want, not just making everything about what you think and what you 'need' to do without leaving any room for your inner yearnings and needs.

Your real needs are needy.

Once you've rediscovered what you want, begin to factor more of your whole self gradually into your plan and you'll be taking care of yourself much better.

(Clothes are very healing and creative.)
Best Wishes