Mature student having a confidence crisis - any advice?

alyth

I'll try and keep this short! I'm a 41 year old female, just stared 2nd year at uni, and I'm sort of wondering what's the point of going on - am I just too damn old? I split from my ex of 15 year 3.5 years ago, started OU studying, then decided to go uni, and from that point on I've lost my life to my studying.

I work weekends in a supermarket, and normally I love it, the customers, the interaction and seeing my friends. However, my uni class only has 3 others in it, all of whom are 18, most of my lectures are held via VC and it's impossible to speak to any of the other mature students on it -we do chat by email occasionally.

I'm never going to have a relationship again or have children by choice, I have a very definitive plan that I am working towards when I finish my degree, but I'm having a wobble tonight as to whether I'm doing the right think - I guess from sitting in work until 10pm on a till, watching couples or people coming in all excited about their evening out, and thats made me feel a little sad that perhaps I am missing out on real life. I have no idea what people wear, I'm feeling old and frumpy despite the fact I'm told I look okay, I'm not particularly overweight, I just feel a bit stuck in a rut and for the first time I'm not feeling confident that I am doing the right thing.

Anyone been in this situation - not particularly with regards to studying but having a plan and then having a wobble over it?

DUTR

Well talking yourself into never having a relationship is going to restrict you somewhat.

mountainofdebt

OK - I'll tell you what I heard in Junior's speech day this week; never doubt your place at Uni because you've worked to get there and have every right to be there.

Delete the word Uni and insert what ever applies to your situation and the sentiment still applies.

(Oh and never say never - you never know what you'll be turning down!)

alyth

I think not having a relationship is absolutely not restricting me, it's giving me the freedom to do what I want, not have to consider anyone else - selfish perhaps but sorry it wasn't the relationship thing as such, it was wondering whether I was concentrating so hard on achieving my goal that I have missed out on things in life, such as knowing what's in fashion or music or things like that.

For 2.5 years I've finished work at 10pm on a Saturday night and been excited to come home and return to my studying, and for some reason I just didn't feel like it tonight. I'm driven to the point of obsessiveness in my studying, and it worries me that perhaps I've lost my drive and enthusiam - or perhaps I'm just having a wobble and will be fine tomorrow, but it's so unusual for me to feel this way that's why I posted, to see whether anyone else had felt this way in something.

[Deleted User]

I was made redundant from a job I'd done since leaving school and hated when I was 26. I went to college and discovered I was actually able to study.., and enjoyed it. I went to Uni (was told not to bother applying to uni's by the college career advisor, thank god I ignored that bit of advice lol).., got a 2:2 and am very very glad I did it even tho now.., 15 years later it hasn't really helped my employability (but that's not due to some lack of my degree, its due to my child care situation).

I too, was the only one of my age (in my 30's by the time I did my degree) and I did feel a bit 'out of synch' at times but I expected that. I too.., did nothing but study and work and I regret that now. I could have 'enjoyed' things more if I'd joined in a bit more. I don't think I helped myself by overstudying.., I was a little more burned out by the time I'd finished my degree and wonder how well I'd have done if I'd adopted better studying practises.., I probably over did it a bit lol.

Remember that studying isn't just about studying.., its about living too.., try going out to a few of the socials.., u might find u enjoy them. Its also a good opportunity to network and find other people your own age. They do exist I assure u! Perhaps the student union could help u find other mature students. If you only have three other students on your course, its bound to be a bit isolating and u're bound to have the odd wobble. Doesn't matter what age u are.., I think studying in that way would induce wobbles in anyone.

But I would do it all over again, if with a different approach.

mountainofdebt

Well the other thing I heard was its alright having a Plan B as a safety net but there's alwys the danager that you'll become complaceant with Plan A than you fail to achieve it and have to settle for Plan B.

As for being fashionble shouldn't the emphasis be on wearing what you feel comfortable / good in regrdless of what the papers tell us is 'fashionable'? And as for music - I loved classical music when I was a teenager - and half the music these days is absolute ****

Sambucus_Nigra

alyth wrote: »

For 2.5 years I've finished work at 10pm on a Saturday night and been excited to come home and return to my studying, and for some reason I just didn't feel like it tonight. I'm driven to the point of obsessiveness in my studying, and it worries me that perhaps I've lost my drive and enthusiam - or perhaps I'm just having a wobble and will be fine tomorrow, but it's so unusual for me to feel this way that's why I posted, to see whether anyone else had felt this way in something.

It's one night.....why not have a break for a couple of nights and see what you are like the middle of next week. Usually works for me.

3v3

I've PM's you

alyth

Perhaps I'm just musing out loud tonight, I'm not interested in clothes, but I've never really looked to see what people are wearing, I wear what I'm comfortable in and think I look okay, but I do feel the urge for a bit of pampering and a spending spree this week.

The way my uni/college works is weird - all my learning is done virtually, my college is very geared up towards music, beauty and childcare so there are very few mature students, believe me but the idea of starting a mature student club has entered my head before, my college literally has a music club and that's it, no sports or social groups, the college doesn't even have a bar!

I lunch with different friends at least once a week, I have a variety of friends from work and a couple of groups I'm involved in, I'm a student mentor, I don't know what came over me today at work, obviously some sort of weird wobble that is niggling away at me.

I suppose I live a lot of my life virtually, I live at least 20 miles from the town I study and work in, in a very small village where I know a lot of people, I've involved in the village committee, so I do have a decent social life, just not wanting to come home tonight and open the books was really alien to me.

meritaten

alyth - its being in your 40s! now, do you want to spend the next 20 years at a checkout - or in a couple of years being in a far more interesting job? even having a career! Thats what started you in Uni isnt it? I wont comment on you being single etc - this is about you and earning your degree.
Go for it hun - you could settle for life at the checkout - or get your degree and look for a different life. Dont worry about being a mature student, when my bro graduated at age 43 he found a better life than being a security guard - he now works for a historical society and loves it! despite his degree being in communications! he got the job because his employers were impressed he had the guts to do a degree at his age with NO other qualifications. he too felt out of place in some courses - he accepted that and just kept his head down and studied. it payed off - he qualified with honours.
he also found courses with people he got on with and they remain friends.
Keep going hun - it will be worth it!

alyth

meritaten wrote: »

alyth - its being in your 40s! now, do you want to spend the next 20 years at a checkout - or in a couple of years being in a far more interesting job? even having a career! Thats what started you in Uni isnt it? I wont comment on you being single etc - this is about you and earning your degree.
Go for it hun - you could settle for life at the checkout - or get your degree and look for a different life. Dont worry about being a mature student, when my bro graduated at age 43 he found a better life than being a security guard - he now works for a historical society and loves it! despite his degree being in communications! he got the job because his employers were impressed he had the guts to do a degree at his age with NO other qualifications. he too felt out of place in some courses - he accepted that and just kept his head down and studied. it payed off - he qualified with honours.
he also found courses with people he got on with and they remain friends.
Keep going hun - it will be worth it!

That's a fantastically inspirational post, thank you so much - my being single doesn't impact on me, I tried a relationship a little while ago and realised it wasn't for me, I love being on my own, financially I'm set up more than well so I can devote my time to my studies, I work really to get out of the house and whilst I do love being a check out chick (or till tart!) as I enjoy the interact with people, and customers always have an opinion on my own situation - I work in the supermarket where we are encouraged to talk to customers - I try not to but some of them are so nice you end up having to talk to them (that's meant tongue in cheek!)

I do look about me and wonder whether I could do the check out job for the next 20 years, and I couldn't, I'm full of admiration for my work colleagues that do, but I want to end up with my ultimate goal and I'm doing everything I possible can do achieve that.

Thank you to everyone who has posted tonight, I don't like posting my personal life on line, but my wobble was quite bad tonight and I really do appreciate your input and insights.