what best to do...

hamaradam

Just fairly recently during pursuing a hobby, I came across an a person who i used to work with , not closely though. Lesley is an ok person, lots of nervous energy, but doesn't seem to have many friends, I'm one who can happily enjoy my own company, and enjoy chilling out - i think sometimes your own space is good. I even find ironing for a couple of hours quite therapeutic,, quiet with the phone switched off. , am I strange??!!

However, now, Lesley started getting too intense, telling me she will give me a lift to our hobby place, but turning up too early, then she has to wait outside for ages in her car as is scared of all domestic pets....then i tried nicely to explain that my hobby isnt my life, and that sometimes i dont need to go to it, then she thinks and convinces herself, that i must be depressed and sends s**tloads of ridiculous chainletter type texts ie "if i am you true friend than you will send it back", type of garbage. I have told her that when i'm busy my mobile gets switched off as it distracts me, and that after i have gone to bed i don't like a constant beeping noise going on all night to tell me i got a text which is her more often than not.

She knows full well i have got a lot to do at home, and don't like distractions. She keeps saying she 'wants to help' but she can't, she just stands smoking and wants to know too much, i have deterred her in a pleasant way, but she is quite persistent. I don't want to totally blank her, i have told her that my phonebills in the last month have been double and as such i will just email her from now on, from time to time. But she keeps sending me 'please answer your phone when i ring you' texts....these come at midnight, and even a couple at five am, the beeping drives my dog crackers, and all the disturbance wakes me. I don't want to have to change my mobile number to stop her.

I think the problem is she has tons of spare time on her hands, i have not, I can and do busy myself, I suggested she volunteeers to do voluntary work, shes 52.much older than me. she doesn't work anymore all her kids are grown up and moved away, My OH thinks it really strange, but is amused, I don't want to hurt her feelings but it's just a bit much, like that film about obsessive, single white female....

Bottom line is I feel stressed with it, and its affecting me because I'm angry at the anticipation of her next obsessive thing. I don't want to sound unsociable or uncaring, but I don't know how best to deal with it. Maybe suggest a chat room where she can chat all night long to fill her time?

emmaBZ

tell her to back off change where you go for your hobby and change your mobile no.....the word STALKER springs to mind !!! or text her back with if you are a true friend you wouldn't keep texting/calling me 24/7 ...
you could always tell her you found a new hobby ....CANABALISM !!!

carbonel

You are going to have to be straight with her and just ask her to stop what she is doing - full stop. I know this will not be easy but it is the only way, to be honest with her that she is overstepping the limits of your 'friendship'.
I get the feeling that she is very needy, and perhaps should get some help to re-direct her need more positively. The best thing you can do is be honest about it.
Alternatively, you could move house, change your phone numbers, change your appearance and change your hobby. Oh, and introduce her to your husband - see how amusing he thinks that is!!!:rotfl:

Benny24

It's time to tell her to stop, and at the same time give her some alternatives, that chat room suggestion was good. But emphasize to her that the texts have to stop.
EmmaBZ is right, change your mobile number if it persists. Also there is the Harassment issue via the police. Tell them you have told her to stop, but she persists. Tell them it is now affecting your life etc just as you have done here. They will have a chat with her and tell her she is Harassing you and that if she doesn't stop the consequences will be more serious, i.e she leaves herself open to being arrested if she persists.

Hopefully that warning will be enough to put her off.
Good luck!

By the way the impression I got from your post was that you were male? But Carbonel sugests you may be female? Which is it?! The introduction to the OH is a good idea!

matphil

Tell her to join MSE she won't have time for you then.

victory

tell her enough is enough, your life does not function the same as hers and you need different things from a relationship and your own relationship with yourself.
Tell her you are not lonely, depressed, sad, do not need endless text and beeping and are perfectly happy with what you do and what you have.
Tell her sweetly that you need peace and that is what you thrive on... xx

jpvic

She's lonely

victory

jpvic wrote:

She's lonely

maybe so and fair point but she is coming over far too strong and stifling, desperate and needy and they are all very bad negative turn off points that will make even more lonely, isolated and sad because people cannot put up with them and do not have to.... xxxx

djdido2

you must be a nice patient person to deal with all this without losing your rag and just telling her straight (which most would probably do). you sound like a kind person so just tell her in the kindest, nicest way you can and if she still persists after that then you need to take further action.

good luck

dido

changkra

I remember something happening to me about 6 years ago. Someone I had made friends with would phone me and talk none stop about herself for over an hour, 1 hour was a short call she could go on and on for nearly 3. At first i though she was just being friendly but the more i got to know her the more obsessive she became and showed she was living in a fantasy world. I ended up blocking her on my phone with BT choose to refuse because i was self employed and i was losing work and money because of her constant calls. When i blocked her she then started phoning a friend of mine up and when I asked her how she was getting on with her she said fine no problems until a week later and after many phone calls day and night she lost her temper with her an told her never to phone again. I then got a letter from her asking why my friend had shouted at her and i had blocked her, i wrote back saying she phone's far too much. She must of had a phone bill of at least £1000 as i know she did this to many people. She had another obsession and this was phoning psychic tarot lines at premium rate and i do know that bill over a quarter came to £4000.

The only way you can get rid of someone like this is to tell them not to text or phone any more or come to the house. I told her if i wanted to speak to her i would phone her, thankfully she listened and i didn't phone again but sadly she moved onto someone else who offered a room in her house to her as she was being evicted by her landlord. Her new landlady found lots of little notes all round the house that she had written really nasty things on about her which started to worry her. It turned out she had mental health problems what exactly i don't know but had stopped her medication. In the end she was sectioned, as she had been before and that was the last i heard of her. As much a she put me and others through it she needed help but stick to your guns and tell her, don't suffer in silence, it is not your responsibility.

hamaradam

By the way the impression I got from your post was that you were male? But Carbonel sugests you may be female? Which is it?! The introduction to the OH is a good idea![/QUOTE] FROM Benny24..


Ha ha yes confusing...I use this 'hamaradam' and my OH has once or twice posted on here too, he doesn't come here on my computer nearly as much as me and looks on different parts of this to me....so its usually me here...so sorry!... if anyones thinking 'hang about.... is this a female or male...' (we are a two headed monster...)!!!;) but we do like this MSE!