Friends fighting - I am in the middle

Dormouse

I would love some opinions on this, please

I have two good friends who have fallen out with each other. I am stuck in the middle and as I am friends with both, have been trying to stay impartial (e.g. not talking to one about the other "Oh X said this and that about you", even though I've had my fair share of them moaning to me about each other).

Now the situation is getting really bad and I am not sure if I should get involved. If I don't, I fear that things will be said that shouldn't be said, and damage could be done that can't be undone.

On the other hand, I don't want to be shot as the messenger, or to damage my friendship with either. At the same time, it's killing me watching them destroy their friendship, and I hate being helpless.

Their children are friends, so I really don't see how they can ignore each other for the rest of their lives.

Deep down, I think they both want to patch things up, so I'm thinking a thrid party could be helpful? Or am I being naive?

Emmzi

personally I'd steer away from making it your monkey. If they want help, they'll ask for it.

BitterAndTwisted

You can only be the piggy-in-the-middle if you choose to be. Under the circumstances I would do and say absolutely nothing. If they want to patch things up between them then they are the ones to do it.

jovichick123

I too would be inclined to stay out of the situation as much as possible, if you get involved and its not welcomed, you risk losing one or both friends.

pigpen

i would refuse to listen to one b!tch about the other.. just say you are not interested, you like them both and value both friendships and you do not wish to be brought into their feud but you hop they can sort it out for the sake of their children if noone else... and if they restart .. say I have asked you not to put me in this position it is very uncomfortable.

Stay as out of it as possible or it will backfire and bite you on the bum no doubt!

CH27

Keep out!
Don't listen to them b*tch about each other. Be firm with both of them & ask them to respect that you love them both.

Dormouse

Thanks everyone

Just for the record, I'm not planning a major intervention or sorting out the reason for their fighting - that's up to them. I was thinking more along the lines of email/text/letter saying how I care about them both and I wish they could put this behind them and move on - that's all really.

BitterAndTwisted

Putting anything in writing gives the situation much more gravity than it deserves. I really, really wouldn't do that. Just tell them face-to-face that you're not interested in listening to their b i t c h i n g about each other and leave it at that.

fannyanna

What did they fall out over? Was it something minor or something a bit more significant? Has one of them wronged the other or are they both to blame?

I would probably be inclined to encourage them to patch things up if it was something minor and they were both to blame.

If it's a big thing and one of them has done something wrong I'd probably stay out of it - espeically if the one in the wrong doesn't even recognise it.

BugglyB

I would be tempted to say - you are both my friends and I wish you could sort it out between you as it is upsetting me.

And leave it at that.

newcook

I’d be tempted to invite them both to the pub for a drink then when they are both there say ‘Im tired of being stuck in the middle of you 2, your kids are friends and you used to be great friends – sort it out. I’ll be up the bar’.

People may say that its wrong to get involved but if they used to be great friends and you are a great friend to them you can do – good friends who are willing to stick their neck on the line for you are hard to come by