Maintenance payments.... what should they cover ?

LilMissEmmylou

if ur ex is willing to let ur kids go without i would be inclined to inform social services and apply for custody myself if thats possible? ok yes im female but id never leave my daughter where i thought she would go without food

smileypigface

I pay my ex-OH in accordance with the CSA rules - although we haven't involved the CSA. The children are with him during the week and about a quarter of the school holidays - obviously the amount I give him is adjusted to take account of the time they spend with me.

We view the payment to cover the essentials of life - it's a contribution towards the cost of keeping a roof over their heads and providing food, heat etc.

My view is that we jointly brought these children into the world and we will always have a joint responsibility towards them .. forever .. they are OUR children.

If they need extra things ... school trips etc that we would have to find from our budget if we were together .. then why shouldn't we still have to jointly find the extra money now we are apart? That's the way we work it .. and it works well for us.

For example we have recently split the cost of our middle child's school trip to France; I have paid the subs for our youngest to have music lessons - but next time his dad will cover that cost.

Fair's fair .. just because I don't live with their dad anymore doesn't make the cost of bringing them up any cheaper.

Also, for what my view is worth, the rules currently say that if I have another child/children then the amount I give my ex-OH should reduce .... WHAT?!!! How on earth will my first 3 children cost less to bring up if I have another child?? If I decide to have another child with my new partner then I need to have made that decision based on whether my existing budget will stretch to this additional commitment - just the same as when I decided to have the ones I already have - if you can't afford to feed/clothe them then you shouldn't have them. My older children certainly shouldn't be penalised by my decision to have another baby.

Oh, and I agree that new adults being brought into childrens' lives as a result of their parents finding new partners, should definitely be done slowly - 6 months duration of a new relationship sounds reasonable to me .. children shouldn't be expected to have to cope with the disruption and confusion that short-term adult relationships can bring.

Just my two-penneth.

aMeLia'S~MuMMY

This recent thread might be useful to you

:A

J0nb0y_2

Thanks, it does help... would seem this subject has been discussed before!

I think I agree with the majority that things like food, clothes, bills, etc esential items should be part of the maintenance and the extra curricular activities should be split 50/50 (i pay for majority of these too). I will have to put my foot down a little bit (grimace!).
I have again tonight been faced with the 'you need to take next thursday afternoon off so I can go to a hospital appointment' and have agreed as I can see my kids faces when I pick them up from school.
I just can't help feeling like why do I have to make a 200 mile trip and take an afternoon off as I am sure she could make other arrangements for getting kids picked up. Blah Blah Blah, rant rant rant!
Thanks for you constructive comments (smileypig) and everybody else for speaking up.

kelloggs36

Try telling that to my ex who refuses to provide a single penny towards the upkeep of our daughter!

desperate_mum_3

ex has been paying CSA regulary but after big argument and court case he says he is not paying a penny more , I know he has to but ive been told that as long as he makes a couple of odd payments throughout the year the CSA don't do anything they only bother if he stops completley that they go to his employers is this right ??? :mad:

Elle00

No. He should be paying by direct debit for one thing. And if he is not making regular payments then you should keep pushing for the CSA to garnish his wages directly. The problem I've discovered is that the only time anyone ever looks at your case is when you ring them up so that's what you have to do. Ring them up week after week after week. Keep your calm and do your best to be the "bigger person" and eventually they will agree to put a DEO on your ex's wages. Good luck and be persistant! My Ex is WILLING to pay his maintenance and they can't even get that right!!!

desperate_mum_3

Thanks .... the CSA HAVE BEEN OK SO FAR BUT I KNOW FROM OTHER FRIENDS THEY ARE SLOW .. I'LL BE A PAIN ...BUT A POLITE ONE !!!