Maintenance payments.... what should they cover ?

Curious_George_2

im sorry arushofblood, maybe ive misunderstood you or just not reading it right but im finding it hard to feel sorry for you.

I dont want to sound rude or upset you but your ex agreed to pay you extra, now almost £500 a month which your using for luxury items like instrument tuition, clubs and "events" and your after more of his money?

if you spent £1200 last year on non nessessary items like that then thats up to you, just because you spend that much on your kids doesnt automatically mean he has to cover your expense.

if you were not working, and struggling to pay the bills... then that might be different, but to be honest... a lot of people cant even get thier ex to pay anything, let alone expect half their salary so they can take holidays and such.

my ex pays maintenence, but i wouldnt *expect* the amount to go up if i found out he was earning more than i knew about, he works hard for his money and deserves it.
he is taking our LO to disneyland paris this summer, he is not expecting any handout from me for her holiday... so why should i expect any extra from him if i choose to take her away for an few days??
its your choice what you spend out on, if you dont have enough maybe you should reign in the clubs, events and solicitiors fees.

arushofblood

No offence taken Curious George

I can understand what you mean, but all these clubs, tuition etc were all started whilst my ex and I were together, joint decisions made, there's nothing new that they've started since we've split.

I've mentioned to the ex, and also to the kids that due to all our new circumstances, we may have to reduce such luxuries, this is understood by all. Just that when you add my wages and the ex's together, it doesn't seem fair that they would have to cut back ? Infact, they should have the finances available to undertake new experiences ?

I sound ungrateful, I'm really not. I appreciate all that's provided by the ex but can't help feeling a little bitter about the money that's been kept from the kids and I both during my marraige and since our split.

kelloggs36

I see what you are saying and agree that the kids shouldn't have to suffer because you have split up! If he has agreed to pay, then accept gratefully and don't push it because legally he only has to pay you 20% of his net income although if he is diverting this income in order to reduce his liability this should be investigated. Is he a ltd company? If so you should be able to get the accounts from companies house to show director's income.

fabianne

Thanks rush-it makes work harder and thus I am able to just about keep heads above water. Although I have daughter's school prom coming up,so more expense-she is a good girl though and doesn't expect a designer gown or anything.

I think the kids should be kept in the lifestyle (or as close as) that they enjoyed before the split.If these classes are hobbies and extra school tuition-this builds interests for later life and also enhances their social life and skills.I let my 2 do as much as I possibly can on my budget-I think the more experiences they have the better.

arushofblood

kelloggs36 wrote: »

I see what you are saying and agree that the kids shouldn't have to suffer because you have split up! If he has agreed to pay, then accept gratefully and don't push it because legally he only has to pay you 20% of his net income although if he is diverting this income in order to reduce his liability this should be investigated. Is he a ltd company? If so you should be able to get the accounts from companies house to show director's income.

Thanks kelloggs36,

I wouldn't chase for more than I'm entitled to, and I'll say it again, I know I'm lucky, receive more than most, and should be thankful at that. Even with these 'extra' payments though he's still not providing the 20% that's generally expected. We're not desperate and we live a healthy, modest lifestyle. I don't flitter the payments from the ex on things for myself, everything goes towards the kids. If needs be, I shall take on more work if I have to and enjoy the satisfaction that I've worked hard to provide for their needs, but in the meantime, I shall continue to ask for any other finances that I'm, and more importantly the kids, are entitled to.

loftus

kelloggs36 wrote: »

I see what you are saying and agree that the kids shouldn't have to suffer because you have split up!

In an ideal world yes, but what people too often forget upon divorce is that the same amount of money - more or less - then has to fund two households. So the same standard of living is often impossible.
Add that to the fact that the NRP may not be able to afford the same standard of accomodation as that available at the family home, meaning the kids may have to put up with sharing bedrooms or sleeping on sofas when staying there.
Thats just life.

arushofblood

loftus wrote: »

In an ideal world yes, but what people too often forget upon divorce is that the same amount of money - more or less - then has to fund two households. So the same standard of living is often impossible.
Add that to the fact that the NRP may not be able to afford the same standard of accomodation as that available at the family home, meaning the kids may have to put up with sharing bedrooms or sleeping on sofas when staying there.
Thats just life.

Maybe my penalty for being the one to get out of an unhappy marriage, I'm the partner ( and of course the kids ) that's now living in a smaller terrace house rather than the large detached, that's having to work rather than be a kept woman, and can't afford the lifestyle or holidays that I was used to. That's whilst the ex lives on his own in the large detached house, socialises more than we ever used to when we were together and can still afford a more than comfortable lifestyle with numerous weekends and holidays abroad with the kids !

Now, in a way, I don't mind that if only I could just say to the kids that your Dad's not contributing all that you think he is !

loftus

Sorry arushofblood, that was not meant to be a dig at you or anyone - thats why I tried to keep it gender neutral.

arushofblood

loftus wrote: »

Sorry arushofblood, that was not meant to be a dig at you or anyone - thats why I tried to keep it gender neutral.

No apologies required loftus

Tina_D

Hi,
Im sorry if this is covered elsewhere. When does my husband stop paying child maintenance? My step daughter is coming up to 17 years old and is currently at college studying hairdressing. She gets the ema? through college and works in a shop (cash in hand i think) and has also been offered work in a hairdressers. We have 3 small children and as with everyone money is tight and I'm not sure what our obligations are.
thanks
Tina