Help needed with money.

onlyme110

Hello all, I'm quite new and have read through the forum a lot but decided to post my own problems to see if I could get any advice. My story is very complicated so apologies in advance.

I am married with children. Husband got sick in 2006. I had been on maternity leave for 11 months and was due to return to work the following month.
Daughter went to nursery (2009). I was going mad at home and husband seemed somewhat better to me (I'm unsympathetic apparently). So I got a job and have been there over 2 yrs now just part time (22hrs per week).
I have worked so hard to pay off all my debts - only 1 cc outstanding which I've brought down from £5,700 to £1,100. (Plus another which I've had to take out recently due to financial worries, just incase!!).

Husband has no intention of going back to work. I am ready to walk away from everything because I can't cope. I have to see a counsellor for stress and things just seem to be getting worse each month.

He gets his benefit money and keeps it in a single account. I get my wages, tax credits and child benefit and cover almost all of the bills. All the mortgage, utilities, food. Basically everything except the ctax, broadband and 1 other bill which he covers. He was supposed to use the money to pay off his cards but he isn't cos he says he doesnt have enough.
I have spent the last 5 years paying off all my debts because I wanted to get rid of them and live normally, but his attitude towards his own debt is really getting me down. He owes about 10k on 5 different cards and he is paying them off at the mimimum he can, like £5 a month each. He wont work cos he says he is too ill, he still gets the old incap benefit and dla low rate. I am finding debt referral letters hidden and I really can't bear the thought of people coming into my home to reclaim things due to his slack attitude.
I really don't know what to do for the best. Financially I would be better off without him but I would have to leave my job. I have considered divorce for a long time now but it's the whole process of having to fight for everything that worries me. I'm just so low and I don't know what to do. I can't afford to see a solicitor.

saving4life

It sounds like a complicated situation financially and emotionally. Maybe you could go to Citizens Advice who could give you all your options. Sorry I am not much help, but I hope you are soon on you way to getting sorted.

vka1

Biggest virtual hugs onlyme110. Your frustration and upset about of all this comes through loud and clear. I'm still newish round here, so I can't really help on the finance front i.e. how tied you are to him financially, what would happen if his finances go wrong etc. but wanted to say hello.

Can I ask, have you talked about all of this with your counsellor? I saw mine for a very long time before actually tackling the money issue head on, and when I did it was a huge help. Having an objective person help you make a plan, and identify what you want to do about is fantastic. Sounds like you're trudging through mud at the mo. Can you take any time out to figure what you want to change most? i.e. is it the money worries themselves or your husband's lack of concern that upsets you most....

Anyway, sending hugs your way. There will be wise and practical folk by very soon to help you sort the financial practicalities. You're not alone, and well done for posting,

V

The_Swerve

onlyme110 wrote: »

I have worked so hard to pay off all my debts - only 1 cc outstanding which I've brought down from £5,700 to £1,100. (Plus another which I've had to take out recently due to financial worries, just incase!!).

have you used that new credit card? Please dont un-do all the hard work. You have dont brilliantly to get the debt down without any support from your husband.

DS4215

Are his debts in his name or joint names? If he is at home full-time can you increase your hours and work full-time? - it would give you more money.

onlyme110

Sorry for the time it's taken to reply, been at work and busy with kids. Thank you for all the advice and friendly comments.

I have been to citizens advice a year or so back but to be honest they weren't much help because of the complexity of the situation. They gave me scenarios of if I did this and if I did that, but they couldn't really be more specific until I decided what I wanted to do.

I haven't really spoke to the counsellor in depth yet, she is aware of the home situation, and the lack of support but not really the debt side of it. I will maybe chat to her a bit more when I see her this week. I do think my only option is to see a solicitor so I need to look into legal aid, a free first session etc and see if I can find anything that won't cost me a fortune just to see what my options are.

I have had to use the new credit card unfortunately. For the last 2 months because they have been a massive strain financially. My car tax ran out, my fridge freezer broke, and a new school uniform and new stationary for my daughter (moving to secondary) set me back almost £300 because the school only allow you to buy it from 2 particular places and they stipulate 1 variety of skirt and 1 type of trousers! Trust me I look to save money any way I can but I had no choice this time!! It was a full new uniform, plus named PE kit and stationary, art equipment and cooking equipment. I didn't even buy the other 2 kids new uniform

His debts are in his name only. They are 5 credit cards, they total between 10-11k, he isn't bothered by them, and even the virgin bill that he pays is over a month behind because he just doesn't worry about things the way I do.

(Sorry I don't know how to c&p the previous posts to respond to them, so had to answer like this!)

The mortgage is in joint names. I am currently paying all of it (interest only) because he gets incap and the DWP don't give any help if you're on that benefit. They only help if you're on IS, ESA or JSA. And he flat out refuses to move over to the ESA. For one he says the medical people wont assess him properly, then he says I earn too much for him to be entitled to it, then he says he was advised by a cab worked never to move off IB unless he's forced to, so all these things mean he refuses to comtemplate changing. He has a single bank account where he gets his benefits paid into. I meanwhile get my wages and tax credits paid into the joint account and all bills which are in my name (all of them) come out of it every month. So on paper it looks like he's contributing but he isn't really.
I have a basic bank account with hsbc which I opened 2 yrs ago just to try and save, and last week I applied for them to switch my income and expenditure over to them so it wasn't in a joint account anymore. They said they could but then I got a letter saying that they couldn't because the joint account want 2 signatures. (He won't sign it cos he wants to know why I want everything moved. He has a card to the joint account so he can keep an eye on what's happening with it I think). SO, I'm stuck with a joint bank account that I don't want to top things off!!!

I can't really increase my hours to full time at the moment because I am also studying (in house) at the same time but my course should be finished in December. My daughters secondary school is 8 miles away (she's SEN and no I don't get any extra cash for that lol), so I have to drive her and when I'm working she will have to get the train on her own which we haven't attempted yet. I work 3 shifts a week but I can't really do anymore at the time being. My tax credits are also worked out on my wages so I think they would just deduct from them if I was to increase my hours.
I did my BP this morning and it was 136/102, I've not been feeling the greatest so I don't think I can cope with anymore work with everything else going on.

What I really want, if I am totally honest, is a divorce from him. That's been the case for 2 yrs but he doesn't want to so he's always said he won't sign anything. I think I'd be much better off financially, but the downside is: the upheaval of having to fight for the kids and the house. If I did get the children I have little family support so I may need to quit my job anyway to look after them. I don't want to leave work because it is my only escape and I love my job. Plus, I'd have to take what I think is a backward step and go back to renting if the house needed to be sold. Then the kids will only have 1 parent with them aswell. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post.

poppasmurf_bewdley

When you say your husband 'has no intention of going back to work' is that because he's still ill, or is he just bone idle and doesn't want a job?

If it's the latter, shop him to the DWP as a malingerer.

onlyme110

One more problem that I've just realised is:
I have always had my gas and electric with npower and pay them monthly via DD. Last year they asked for £72 per month for my electric which was the same as the period before. But they increased my gas from £50 a month to £65 a month because they said it was a little low.
Then about a month ago I got 2 letters from them, the first was okay because my electric reading was right and I was £10 in credit. BUT.... the gas was a shocking £450 debit. I immediately phoned them and after being on the phone for 35 mins got told that ''oh we significantly underestimated your usage because we thought your summer usage would be low, your winter usage higher but we thought the 2 figures would even themselves out!!!!''
I asked how I could be held responsible for this because they were the ones who had calculated the figures for me, but he said ''oh don't worry it's happened to a lot of people''.
I told him there's no way I could afford to increase much above what I was paying. I did a price comparison online and found that by changing tariffs with them I would save £555 a year. So I phoned back and told them this and after a lot of messing about it turns out if I transferred to the sign online tarrif I would save £32 a month. Then it was agreed that that £32 a month would be used to pay off what I owe. But when I received the letter a few days later it was totally different figures and they have increased my payment by £90 a month. This wasn't what I agreed to but I don't know what I can do about it.

onlyme110

@ #7 - I suspect it's because he's been off for 5 years now and he's used to the cash being paid into his account each month. He says he has no skills and doesn't want to get a mimimum wage job that he will hate. He tells me he's 'disabled' and 'he didn't ask to get ill you know' and he does have some sight problems so needs to be more cautious in unfamiliar surroundings but there are definately jobs he can/could do.
He also says because he has to rely on public transport it's hard for him. He is on the partial sighted register btw. Maybe I'm just being too harsh but 5 yrs of having him here doing nothing is taking it's toll.

poppasmurf_bewdley

In other words he could get a job of some sort, but he doesn't want one.

Unfortunately for him, the changes that are coming in now will soon have him off his backside and make him find work, whether he wants it or not. Sitting at home will not be an option for him. The sooner he realises this, the better for all concerned.

If you can broach the subject with him, that would be best. If not, perhaps he has a mate who could talk to him.

Whatever you decide, he is going to have to know the facts pdq, and it would be better for him to find a job on his own rather than wait until the DWP get to grips with him.

theoretica

I am sure you can sort out your bank account to be one in your own name, but you might have to do it manually, rather than using an automatic switching service. I think it sounds worthwhile to do. You change your bank details at work, and then give the various bills with new payment details - they will probably have forms to fill in... A bit of a pain, but possible. Then, so long as the joint account is not overdrawn you can remove your name from it.