Help needed with money.

RAS

She cannot throw him out because his name is on the deeds and mortgage. She cannot just remove his name from the deeds or mortgage without his consent and if he has half a wit, he will not co-operate.

She needs to start documenting all the incidents NOW so that she can show that he is not the children's primary carer, which he might well claim to be in order to stay in the house and claim residency for the children.

She also need to get a full copy of all the bank account records for the last 6 years, so that she can show that all the incoming money is hers.

onlyme - one real concern; in whose name are the child benefits?

FireWyrm

She can throw him out. She can also begin divorce proceedings which will force a sale of the house, or at least a hearing to determine ownership and how assets will be apportioned. Since she is the primary carer of minors, she will probably be granted custody and no judge is going to throw her out on the street in that situation. I agree she needs to begin documentation, but how much documentation does she need? She works her !!!! off for her and the children while her husband refuses to help. We dont know what other things might be going on as well which grant even more concrete reasons for divorce and frankly, it's not our business, but this situation is clearly untennable.

Between you me and the lamppost...given what we know, I'd be making his life unbearable until he either removed himself, or I finally lost patience and chucked him out. Once you get to this stage, there's little other option. She's already stated the intention to divorce...do it on her terms, not his. All I'm saying is to make a decision and then stick to it, no matter how messy it gets.

vka1

Onlyme110 - stay strong honey. You're doing great and if you've come this far, you'll do whatever you need to to get through the next bit. We're here for support and advice in its many different forms.

You'll get there. You only need to deal with the can of worms one worm at a time! You're in charge now. As Firewyrm says, make a decision and a plan, priortise what you can do to prepare yourself and then it's one foot in front of the other.....x

tallyhoh

OMG, I wish I had had the guts to sort out my OH years ago instead of being used.

Good luck, I hope you work things out, you deserve it.

onlyme110

Thank you all so much for the advice & words of encouragement, they really do mean a lot.

In answer to Ras - the child benefits are in my name.
I've always had my income put into the joint account, he kept his income seperate because I wanted him to use it to pay off his debts. He told me he wouldn't use the joint account for anything but that doesn't stop him having the card to it.
Well, only last week I realised how silly I've been, because on paper it looks like he's contributing, when in fact the only income in the joint name is mine! ANd although my name are on all of the outgoings (except joint on the mortgage and life policy linked to the house) it still looks like he's helping pay the mortgage as he name is on it, when infact he isnt! If I thought I could get another mortgage on my own then I would because technically I can afford it, but looking at the figures nobody is going to give me a mortgage on the single wage I bring in.

Anyway, what I did was I opened a single bank account - just a basic one, and began saving money into it at the end of each month. It had built up quite nicely but then I had a problem with the car and needed some other things so I had to use it all. So as of a few months ago I'm back down to no savings...

So, I've opened up a Barclays account (cos it's a visa one instead of basic) and I have sneakily had my child benefit put into it, and I have joined the staff bank (my extra shifts just used to get paid at the end of the month as overtime), because the staff bank payment comes from a diff dept and it's weekly, so you can specify where you want it. So I'm sneaking in bank shifts where I can and will be putting the money away because husband doesn't know they are bank shifts. He just sees the figures on my monthly pay cheque and they can vary greatly depending on what shifts i've done, ie nights/weekends etc so he should never notice (I hope!!!!).
I have already had my wages and tax credits manually transferred into my single account, plus begun the process of manually transferring all my direct debits - done gas, electric, standard life, and income insurance so far. I'm just worried that if the tax credits and wages don't switch in time for the end of the month then the DD's will come out and bounce.
My plan atm - I'm trying to move everything slowly into my own name. I'm doing bank work to gain extra income. I'm almost finished my study (december). And just generally trying to build up a little nest egg for when the time is right.

KxMx

The IB to ESA transfer only started October last year and is expected to continue until 2014. So his day WILL come!

theoretica

Are there any other pupil's from your eldest's school who make the same train journey and live near you? I am thinking that arranging for one of them to chum your daughter either from home or from the train station might be an option if you need it.

If you want to rock the boat you could anonymously report your partner for suspected benefit fraud...