Seriously Depressed

dancingfairy

Hi - don't give up on the therapy. There are many different counsellors and therapies out there from CBT, exposure therapy (for anxiety) to hypnosis etc. Also it can take some time to find someone that you seem to 'click' with. It really is persevering with.
As has been said the Samaritans are out there and there are also many good charities out there helping people too.
I wonder whether it is worth having a chat to your doctor and maybe get signed off for a week - perhaps you need a bit of time to sleep, rest and have a bit of a think about what you can to improve things. On the other hand I can understand if work stops you over thinking stuff/provides a distraction.
The other thing that struck me was whether hanging on to your ex is such a good thing -o.k he provides financial help etc but perhaps you need to move out and on - perhaps house sharing or rental for a while or in with family /friends?
There's also some really good books/resources out there - on the internet and leaflets etc - it might be worth having a look at the charity Mind's leaflets and things and maybe have a look in the library and see if any self-help books look like they may help a little.
Be kind to yourself - as you have said it seems very likely that the shopping is caused by some sort of self-destruct button. Try and do something for yourself every day - even if it's tiny things like putting on a favourite CD, phoning your best friend/mum, checking on your plants, looking at your fav. photos of happier times etc. Also if you can do anything that involves going out and preferably exercise as well that's also fab - walking, maybe yoga,pilates or perhaps even something more energetic - work out those stress hormones! I've always thought kickboxing or judo or some other martial art would be good for getting rid of stress as well
Take Care
df

Marco_Panettone

As others say, your SOA doesn't look too bad - you're ending the month with a surplus to throw at the debts, and they're going down pretty quickly. Once May comes round there's an additional £450 every month to chip away the Natwest debt. That'll be £600 EVERY MONTH coming off. Even if you're just covering interest at the moment you could be LOWERING the balance by about £125 every week!

In just a couple of months you'll half it!

I'm not going to offer medical advice as I know nothing about you or your situation, but things ARE within your control.

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Hi FML,

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling. I can see how your current living situation is not helpful towards having a happy home life along with emotional past events.

As you say you are very fortunate to have an excellent income and outgoings that leave you with a fantastic surplus. You've got a great chance to be in a strong financial situation this time next year! It all depends how much you want that.

You really need to live by the budget that you set here. You can fall back on it and know you're doing the right thing by ticking off your 3 payments to your cards and loan and spending within your set amounts.

Do you pay for annual things on your car like tax, insurance, mot and service? You should be putting aside for these so when the bills come up you don't panic and use credit.

It will be a tough task to do but look at your card statements as see what was purchased.

You need to think, when you've paid your cards and loan off and you have some savings...what's the bigger picture? Do you plan to move out to make it official with your ex?

You really can work towards any kind of life that you want for yourself and with some hard work it's not even that far away!

Keep us updated.

DerryLane29

FML wrote: »

Wow, I'm so overwhelmed by all your repilies.

I got paid today, so out of the £900 surplus I've got after all my basics are paid I paid £600 off my credit card with 3k on it so that takes the balance of that with the £100 that I set aside to £2300. Then with my loan payment this month that gets the loan down to £3550....The payment on my £10k credit card will just cover the interest I think so the balance will stay approx the same but although it feels like just a drop in the ocean at least I'm doing something.

I have also cut the cards up lol.

I have tried therepy CBT both a few years ago because I've always suffered from anxiety and recently after the bad thing happened but it didn't really help tbh. I'd just like to pay off my debts save up some money and then find a lower paid less stressful job and maybe book myself into the priory or somewhere like that for a month to properly sort myself out.

Regards ebay, i would find it hard to sell my things for less than I paid for them because then my debt def would be all for nothing, maybe if I lost my job or something (something I always stress over) it's something I would consider. One of my therapists told me I was a doom predictor and I guess that's true.

There's so many inspiring people on here with situations much worse than mine so thank you for taking the time to help me x

Good afternoon FML,

You seem a little bit more upbeat this afternoon than you did in the early hours of this morning and it seems to me you are actually doing really good in your aim to be sorted out in a years time.

Things always look worse in the early hours when its dark,wet,cold and windy outside but Im just so pleased you have come back on here today.

Stay around a bit longer FML,these forum members are worth their weight in gold.

This is my first post,Im usually a lurker so maybe I might ask for some well needed advice too.Chin up FML:T

FML_2

I do feel a little better today, I cleaned my house this afternoon - well am half way through and it's taken my mind off things. Regards my x, yes I really do need to move on. When we first split up he moved out, taking most of the furniture, my car off me, wanted 2k to buy the things that he didn't have and I paid all the mortgage, bills etc on my own and he didn't give me child maintenence either. But after 12 months he decided that he didn't like not having a garden and as neither of us had found anyone else decided he was moving back in. I went to a solicitor and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Then last year events happened and my son and I moved out for a few months to a friends but after xmas due to the bad thing I was unable to mentally be responsible for the care of my son - I nearly got sectioned I had to move back in and here I am in debt and hating work and my home life

DerryLane29

FML wrote: »

I do feel a little better today, I cleaned my house this afternoon - well am half way through and it's taken my mind off things. Regards my x, yes I really do need to move on. When we first split up he moved out, taking most of the furniture, my car off me, wanted 2k to buy the things that he didn't have and I paid all the mortgage, bills etc on my own and he didn't give me child maintenence either. But after 12 months he decided that he didn't like not having a garden and as neither of us had found anyone else decided he was moving back in. I went to a solicitor and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Then last year events happened and my son and I moved out for a few months to a friends but after xmas due to the bad thing I was unable to mentally be responsible for the care of my son - I nearly got sectioned I had to move back in and here I am in debt and hating work and my home life

Im so pleased your feeling better today FML,I,ll be honest and say Ive spent the whole day on here,how wrong is that:( so well done for sorting out your home.
Are you sure your getting the right care for the situation that you dont wish to talk about?that situation seems to be major in your life and with possible help maybe you can overcome it or at least come to terms with it.
But on the whole your financial situation actually looks as if it can be sorted out eventually so if you hold on to that hope that alone should make you feel better.
I know others will come along with advice and guidence that may help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.Im just a new forum member but I didnt want to read and run,I think you deserve much more than that.Life wont always be like this FML

Hovel_lady

Am really glad you feel a little better, have been thinking about you.
Some good advice from other people on here.
Can you think about selling and moving to somewhere else? Maybe not until the debt is paid but could you start making plans now for it?
xx

SusieT

Try to look forwards with regards to the debt, if you pay off the card at this rate it will be gone before Christmas and then you can start demolishing the nasty £10k one. From my (rather dodgy) arithmatic if you are paying £250 a month now it will be covering the interest and a bit of the capital. After Christmas when the Nationwide card is cleared if you can add another £750 a month from what you are paying on that one you will have more for you and the interest will start to drop, then next May the loan will go and you will then be able to put that money to the card as well so you can see that at the present rate of progress you can be debt free in a reasonably short time, yes it is possible to be by this time next year, your first post said £17000, if you put another big payment in you will be under £15000 next month!

if you think back time wise, how fast do the months go by? I bet once you are able to see the balances tumbling and the first card comes down to nil you will start to feel a lot better about the debt busting.
I cannot help re the depression other than to add a voice to the support you already have, but this time next year I really hope you are watching the balance approach zero, or better still have hit zero and are able to be looking at some savings and can see a massive light at the end of the tunnel.

Hovel_lady

Just wanted to say hello and I'm thinking of you xx

clarab_3

Hey FML, your story really struck a chord with me, I had a £33k debt when I started this, despite a good job, and always struggled with anxiety which was definately exaserbated by the debt. I too have been prescribed every pill under the sun in the last 5 years!

Ive been paying my debts off, and hopefully the worst is behind me now. If I can be of help, you are welcome to PM me - I cant promise an immediate reply because of work but I will check in.

I'm not daft enough to think there is a one-size-fits-all fix for anxiety problems, but I've ben lucky enough to have a good nhs therapist, a sympathetic doctor and to learn some relaxation techniques which really work for me.

Your debts are not insurmountable - in fact you'll probably be in the clear before me with a little dedication - \The important thing is to commit to not taking more credit anytime soon, basically, if you dont have it you dont spend it Im afraid!

Just an idea, but have you taken payment protection insurance on any or all of your loans or cards in the last 6 years? Claiming that back (it just takes a couple of letters) could give you a great quick start to clearing your feet.

Long reply, sorry! Hang in there...

Cx