A confession

Oregon

I'm trying to be good and watch where my pennies and pounds go, but really mean people still really make me cringe

Am i a hypocrite?

miggy

I think there's a difference between 'careful' and 'mean'. One's a virtue, the other's more of a vice.

Of course it's in the eye of the beholder and we don't know what goes on in other people's lives so some people might appear mean when they're just needing to watch the pennies, and some might seem generous but actually what they spend makes no difference to their welfare.

Good luck with 'watching the pennies and pounds' - they do add up.

Oregon

Yeah I guess it is all relative.

VfM4meplse

Oregon wrote: »

I'm trying to be good and watch where my pennies and pounds go, but really mean people still really make me cringe

Am i a hypocrite?

No, there is a tangible difference between living within your means and being instrinsically mean. I cannot bear mean people, particularly when they judge everyone by their own low standards. Misers are generally not pleasant in other ways as their pennypinching translates into mean spirit.

Heyman_2

I consider myself to be 'careful' but I know I'm perceived as 'tight' by some people, which does annoy me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get a decent deal for your money and not squandering money needlessly, I guess both areas are subjective though hence why there's that perception.

Oregon

The thing that really gets to me is when people are first to have their hands out when youre getting a round in say, but then seem to disappear when it's their turn. People who just assume that friends will support and subsidise them.

dell33

Absolutely not, we have given ourselves a target of sorting things out in the next two years and I plan to live rather frugaly in those two years. I am not a mean person, I will just take the more Frugal option. If you come to my home I will offer you a cuppa and some biscuits, own brand biscuits. You know when you ask someone if they will have a cuppa and they prob say no first time but you say go on you will & then put the kettle on anyway. I have a 'friend' who will ask and when you say no that is it, wont be asked again and he breathes a sigh of relief because he has spared a tea bag and the cost of boiling the kettle.

vixx

Oregon wrote: »

The thing that really gets to me is when people are first to have their hands out when youre getting a round in say, but then seem to disappear when it's their turn. People who just assume that friends will support and subsidise them.

Argh, I hate this!

I have a 'friend' who is the tightest, meanest person I've ever known.
She still lives with her parents and as far as I can tell, pays minimum rent and has pretty much no outgoings. A while ago, we were chatting and she mentioned she has a few grand saved up so she's def not in a bad position.
When we go out as a group, she will happily drink when people do rounds, but never, ever buys one in return. I've called her up on it a few times and she just says 'oh i'm a student I can't afford it' or similar.

If we ever have a night in at someone's house, the unwritten rule in our group is to bring what you plan on drinking, she'll just turn up empty handed and expect to drink other peoples. It may not sound too bad, but when it has been the same story for years and years, it weears pretty thin!!

The other week, a few of us met for sunday lunch and a chat and after eating we decided to have a glass of wine in a pub, as it was sunday afternoon we just bought our own drinks, she actually sat there with no drink as she didn't want to buy one, and when another friend turned up she practically bit their hand off whe they said 'anyone need anything at the bar'
If I knew I had no money, I wouldn't have agreed to go to the pub, I'd have just made my excuses and gone home.

One time, we were due to go out and it was pouring with rain so I texted her and asked if she wanted to share a taxi as she lives two mins from my house and on the way to where we were going. When the taxi dropped us off, it was a few quid and she just got out. I told her to cough up half and she just said 'oh I didn't realise you wanted me to pay, I thought you were just getting a taxi anyway and I could jump in'!!!
She said she had no money and couldn't pay half so I had to foot it.

Me and a few of my friends absolutely refuse to pay for anything for her now, we don't buy her drinks, we don't pay for taxis, nothing. If there's 4 of us, 3 of us will do rounds and we'll leave her to sort herself out - sad but she'll just keep on taking otherwise.

Sorry for the rant, I just hate people like this! I am in a terrible financial situation, though I am sorting it out, but I would never dream of taking advantage of people in this way.

Phew, actually feel a bit better now!

Oregon

Dell33, I never say no to tea and biscuits!!! I'll be over at yours about 8.30 tonight!!!

Oregon

Vixx, you've hit it on the head!! These are exactly the things I'm talking about. I guess I'm talking about people who treat other people's money a lot different from their own!! There are two people I work with who are always the ones to send the emails on a friday afternoon asking if anyone fancies going to the pub but they actually don't buy drinks!! It winds me up so much.

But not as much as the time I emailed a mate to say that a film we had been wanting to see was out at the pix, did she want to go (I should point out that this was in my pre MSE days when I was spending more than I earned each month and she was prob in a better position with me!! Working full time etc)

She actually responded "yes definitely! Get tickets for tonight, can't wait. I won't be able to pay you back though, sorry"

?!?!

vixx

It's so frustrating isn't it!

I really couldn't live with myself if I thought I was taking advantage of someone and find it hard when others don't feel the same.
I have become much more blunt with people, if someone is acting this way, I just say NO!!

My close friends are aware of my finances and often offer to take us out or buy me a drink but I hardly ever take them up on it. It's simple - if I don't have enough money to do something, I don't do it.

And it always seems to be the better off people who act this way - maybe that's why they have savings and we don't eh!