Can my ex relocate our kids to France from the UK?

RAS

And what happens about the house?

Mojisola

Chained wrote: »

Recently, my ex wife met someone from France and has announced that she will be taking the kids and move to France by the end of the year. Although we have good relations, she made subtly clear that the visiting situation will change. I am very worried that I will not be able to see my kids as much as I would like to.

It would concern me that she is considering moving the children to another country after a short time of knowing the new man.

It would make far more sense for them to have at least one trip to the new place to see what they all make of it, to meet the new man's family and friends and give the themselves time to learn the language.

Chained

RAS wrote: »

And what happens about the house?

We haven't discussed that matter, yet.

I am trying to take things one step at a time.

My children come first at this stage.

RAS

So if she moves out and abandons the house, can you afford to pay the child maintenance and pay the whole mortgage, knowing that she will get 50% of any increase inn equity when you sell?

Chained

RAS wrote: »

So if she moves out and abandons the house, can you afford to pay the child maintenance and pay the whole mortgage, knowing that she will get 50% of any increase inn equity when you sell?

Is she still eligible to 50% after she stops her payments?

clearingout

I think your children need to be the priority, but do keep an eye out for the house as that's a potential minefield for you. On the face of it, I think you are right to be concerned. A new relationship with someone who is themselves divorcing (never easy, even if amicable and agreed by both parties as necessary) and undertaking not only a house move but a whole country, new language, new customs, way of life move as well and you potentially have a recipe for disaster for everyone. I think RAS is right - you need to start writing. You need to outline what the arrangements are now ask questions about how she expects things to continue once moved. You would be right, I think, to ask about arrangements for education, her work prospects and those of her partner. I would be wary of suggesting he is incapable of supporting a family on a teacher's salary - he's professional, his job is probably moveable with some red tape, he is respectable as a result of his job title. Be careful how you approach this - money isn't everything. If you're supporting your children financially, that should be enough for you. Does your ex speak French and does her new partner? What are their connections with France?

Your children have a right to an on-going relationship with you, this includes seeing them at Xmas (or at least every other Xmas) and on or around their birthdays, for summer holidays etc. Be careful to make any arguments about the best interests of the children and their relationship with you, focus on the contact and see what responses you get to other questions about housing, work, education. I would also make it clear that you have sought legal advice, and that until you are satisfied appropriate arrangements for on-going contact are in place, you do not (yet) give permission for the children to be moved to France. Send it recorded delivery, keep a copy and a keep a copy of evidence it was signed for in case you need it. Better still, speak to a solicitor and run a copy of your letter by them before sending - do it right and it won't come back and bite you. You can write your own letters but have a solicitor purely for advice sitting in the background.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Do the same as my BIL.

He left his ex and moved to France to live with his new wife and get work over there. Came back here frequently but irregularly to see their daughter. Pretty much a phonecall two days before to drop everything, he was on his way over, which his ex did at the expense of stability or any ability to predict what went on from week to week.

She then got a brilliant career opportunity in Germany and moved in with her new partner at the same time.

BIL acknowledged that he didn't exactly stay around within easy reach for any emergencies or even to be at parents' evenings or the like, so kept his mouth shut, didn't try and run his exe's life/ruin her future and that of his child and just changed the address on his Satnav to a German one and bought a German phrasebook.


You can't force her to give up her future to keep her in the place you prefer. Neither she nor a child is property for you to give or deny permission to be moved.

Mojisola

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Do the same as my BIL.

He left his ex and moved to France to live with his new wife and get work over there. Came back here frequently but irregularly to see their daughter. Pretty much a phonecall two days before to drop everything, he was on his way over, which his ex did at the expense of stability or any ability to predict what went on from week to week.

Chained wrote: »

I am divorced with two children ages 4 and 7. We are all UK citizens.

For the last few months I was forced to relocate to Norway due to work related obligations but I have been travelling back to the UK once a month to visit my kids for 3-4 days at a time.

Slightly different situation.

I wouldn't move to another country without doing a lot of research on the matter and learning the language before I went. I would want to know what the schools were like and have some idea of what work I could get and where we would live.

I don't think anyone would want an ex to move the children without showing he/she had put at least as much thought into the move. It could be a wonderful experience for the children to live in another country and became proficient in another language but it's not something to be rushed into because a new partner has recently come on the scene.

thegirlintheattic

You need to speak to your ex about this.

As you have also moved countries and this has not affected visitation I don't see the major problem. If your ex doesn't want to bring the kids anymore or have you stay then arrange to pick them up and bring them back with you/to a rented cottage in France, and drop them back. You already pay for your exs travel.

Are you sure your ex's hints are that she wants to restrict your visiting rather than she doesn't want you staying in her new partner's home or at *their* family occasions? I wouldn't want my ex staying under the same roof as my new partner - awkward, and it seems as though you had presumed that would be where you'd be staying.

FBaby

Mojisola wrote: »

Slightly different situation.

I wouldn't move to another country without doing a lot of research on the matter and learning the language before I went. I would want to know what the schools were like and have some idea of what work I could get and where we would live.

I don't think anyone would want an ex to move the children without showing he/she had put at least as much thought into the move. It could be a wonderful experience for the children to live in another country and became proficient in another language but it's not something to be rushed into because a new partner has recently come on the scene.

I agree but it is very possible that she has already done that research. OP won't know everything about his ex situation. France is not a strange country requiring thorough research. Her new partner might be very hands-on and already done all the research for her. It might be that they haven't been together for long, but have known each other for some time.

I do tend to agree with Jojo. It is much better to accept that the move will take place and work on insuring that contact continues to take place regularly. The OP's ex is entitled to the life she wants, all she owes the OP is to make the children available for regular contact. Unless the OP has any evidence that the children will come to harm, he is unlikely to be able to stop the move just on suspicions. An amicable arrangement is much more likely to lead to reassurance than trying to obstruct what probably means everything for his ex.