Lack of confidence holding me back...?

crazycatlady1984

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

I know what you mean about the humble thing. I am always very humble. I can't stand it when people are rude to waitresses in restaurants and I end up going over the top the other way and being a bit of a groveller! This ends up with people not respecting me because i'm a bit too humble. I guess there is a danger of being so humble, you become humiliated!

I think the key is balance. Go through life not being rude, but also remember you are just as important as the next person. Don't bow and scrape.

ha, Jerry, we sound like two peas in a pod :rotfl:

As important as the next person.........v v true, but a tough one for me to always remember......I quite often find myself speaking really fast because I am so conscious of "wasting" peoples time....omg I have some issues :eek: just as well I've bought those self help books, sounds like I have a lot of self helping to do!! :rotfl:

smileylondongal

Well done, you're doing the best you can to get yourself in the right place - you do need to manage upwards, sometimes though, so if you need your manager's help, ask as they're the ones who brought it up!

morganedge

crazycatlady1984 wrote: »

On the flip side of that, I do know that whilst some ppl, if asked to do something will go "yeah, no problem at all, I'll get that done" whereas my initial reaction is often "omg, am I smart enough to do that? Do I know what I'm doing?" and I guess thats written all over my face which isnt good.

I can so relate to that, and it bugs me!

We seem to live in a time where he who can bull-$!!!! the best is rewarded the most.
I think it's much more logical to, as per your example, question whether you are smart enough to do a certain task.
And Like you say, lots of people are like ''yep, no problem. I can do that!!''

I don't know where this sort of confidence is born from.

What's even more annoying is that often, it turns out that these people CANT do the task they were so willing to take on, but it doesn't seem to 'knock' their confidence, and they would react exactly the same should the same situation arise in the future.

hawk30

morganedge wrote: »

I can so relate to that, and it bugs me!

We seem to live in a time where he who can bull-$!!!! the best is rewarded the most.
I think it's much more logical to, as per your example, question whether you are smart enough to do a certain task.
And Like you say, lots of people are like ''yep, no problem. I can do that!!''

I don't know where this sort of confidence is born from.

What's even more annoying is that often, it turns out that these people CANT do the task they were so willing to take on, but it doesn't seem to 'knock' their confidence, and they would react exactly the same should the same situation arise in the future.

Maybe they are confident because they know they are good at their job! If you are good at your job (and it sounds like the OP is) there is no need to continually question your abilities.

NoNoDrama

I hate these companies who think they can pick away at your personality. People are different. If you are under-performing fair enough discuss how to improve that but telling people they lack confidence etc out of order

donquine

I expect you were so upset because your manager hit the nail on the head. If your manager had been a bit wider off the mark, you would have shrugged it off, but home truths are really hard to deal with.

I am a naturally quiet person too - a born listener, rather than a chatty person. I hate small talk, I hate being the centre of attention and public speaking makes me feel sick. Starting to relate?

Over the course of my career, I've actively created opportunities for myself at work to acquire new skills and I've booked myself on courses to keep my knowledge up to date. It's easy to exude confidence when you know your subject matter inside out - a difficult task when you're not really sure of what it is you're talking about. Your manager has identified you need help, so grab onto that opportunity with both hands and suggest more training. The more you know, the more confident you will genuinely feel.

Knowing a lot about your core subject area does make doing brand new things just outside that core area less scary. The topic may be different, but if you've dealt with similarly difficult things in other fields, you remember you've capable of working through such problems and delivering a solution.

I hate public speaking, I really do. So I've volunteered for opportunities to talk in front of dozens of people and each time I've done it, I've felt a little bit less sick inside and my technique has become better. Accepting you need to improve yourself and confronting that challenge head on yourself is scary, but it works wonders. If you give off the impression that you're shy and not very confident, no one is going to give you such an opportunity if they can avoid it, not necessarily because they don't think you're capable but because they don't want to put you through it - so volunteer yourself!

I'm not a naturally chatty person. I'm a born listener. But being a born listener means I really hear what people are saying, so I know what all my colleagues and clients have been up to recently and I can force myself to bring up those little details next time I speak to them and ask them about it. People love talking about themselves. They also like the fact that you remembered the insignificant details of their life. Deflect. There's no need to talk about yourself when others are so happy to tell you their life stories!

You know you're not a naturally confident person and that is absolutely fine if you deal with it. Ask your manager for support, but make sure the drive to make changes comes from you, because if you want to make changes, you will be able to. You're not confident. That doesn't make you stupid. You're capable of recognising you have a problem and fixing it. The fact you were so upset means you do have pride in your work and you can turn that feeling into determination and stride on.

PS I got accused of the same thing as you, early on in my career. I promise you, never again since. It is possible to come back from such a criticism and really shine.