How to help him

TheTruthMachine

I have a friend who I work with, On the way home from work tonight I receive a call from him and when I go to answer it I don't get the usual hello I hear him and his father arguing.

Basically the argument is my work mate hasn't had two days off his electroinic time sheet approved. This is a company error (I can verify this as I am the manager he come to, for us to get it sorted) As he gets paid weekly our payroll department can't action it until next week. Basically his father is saying bullpoo (replace poo with the common word in that phrase) and ball cocks. but obviously the word thats come out with commonly. and that he is lying and talking carp and being really nasty. I heard my work mate trying to explain but being beaten down. I feel really sorry for him.

He got into a little mess with money so owes money on credit cards. He roughly earns £225 after tax. He is paying £150 a week to become debt free and is nearly debt free from what he is saying. He pays £50 to his parents £15 for travel into work. and the rest for himself. I know he is skint most of the time so these two days are alot for him to loose. I am just worried about the way his dad is treating him.

I texted him seeing if he is okay and if he needed a place to crash. he refused.

I am thinking should I give him the two days pay to get his dad off his back? Should I suggest he come stay with us for a bit as I am worried about him. He has been offered a job in another office in Wales but refused saying he wants to stay near his family.

How can I help?

Mupette

are you in a possition to request something in writing, officially that is, so that if needs be he can show his dad.

i think just by offering a place to stay, he knows where to come for help

TheTruthMachine

Mupette wrote: »

are you in a possition to request something in writing, officially that is, so that if needs be he can show his dad.

i think just by offering a place to stay, he knows where to come for help

As a company we wouldnt supply such a document (As none exist!)
I could give him a letter but from past experience, his father would call it a fake.

scheming_gypsy

To be honest, by Monday their argument will be over and he'll get the extra in next weeks wages and his dad will believe him

Emmzi

I would expect his dad is going mad because son has lied to him about money so very, very many times.

Is that possible?

If he wants help, he'll ask.

Never ever lend him money.

tizerbelle

You should not get involved any further. Presumably his call to you was accidental?

I understand you saying he is a friend but he is also a colleague and difficult as it is you need to keep a distinction between personal and professional lives, especially if you are a manager and he is not (assuming this by his wage level).

As a friend, you have asked if he needs help. He has said no. As a friend you should accept and respect his decision.

As a colleague you cannot take any further action e.g. sending a letter representing the company unless 1) he specifically asks for one and/or 2) your normal processes would allow for this. If you take action as a colleague (without authorisation) then you are interfering and over-stepping the bounds of your role.

Any

What does it have to do with his father? Did he not have enough money to pay the father the £50 a week then?
I then suspect that the father is not believing him because he had lied to him so many times before.

Surely showing a payslip or bank statement where the money is coming in should be enough to show father he is telling the truth.

If you give him the money to get his father of his back, then the father will just KNOW (in his head) that he was lying as otherwise he woudln't have the money until the week after... So not a good plan, is it!!

podperson

At the end of the day you have offered him help and a place to stay if he needs it. He has refused and said he is ok. I appreciate he is a friend and you are worried about him but that's all you can really do.
You don't know the situation with his family, as others have mentioned above if he has got into 'a mess with money' then he could have lied to his family previous about money, borrowed from them, been bailed out by them etc. This could have led to them not trusting him anymore about money matters and although it sounds like the father isn't exactly going about things in the best way then your friend may appreciate more then you then he may have some justification for feeling this way. Things will be sorted next week when the money comes through and his father can see he was telling the truth. You have offered help, I would suggest leaving it there - money can be seen as a very private matter by some people and your friend may not appreciate you overstepping boundaries with it.

19lottie82

Yes, I'd just leave it. it's not really anything to do with you. Maybe offer him a place to stay if he need it, but stay way out of the issue its self.

I agree with the others, after you have been messed about by someone who owes money, it get's to the point of "the boy who cried wolf". As someone said, if it is a genuine error, it will be rectified next pay day and all will be back to normal. Who knows, he might even get an apology from his dad who may start to trust him a bit more after all of this.....

Savvy_Sue

Emmzi wrote: »

Never ever lend him money.

In most places I've worked, it would be a disciplinary offence to do so.

paddedjohn

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

In most places I've worked, it would be a disciplinary offence to do so.

really? sounds rather odd. you cant lend a friend £20 outside of work? i would lend him the money just to see how far they could take it if it was between myself and a work friend and off work premises.