best way to deal with a child touching himself

mummyoftwomonkeys

Hi I am sorry this isn't a money saving question but I know a lot of you give good advice on here. I sent my 4 year old son up to his room earlier to get his pjs on because he was giving me lip and I wanted him out the way for 5 mins, a few mins later I heard his bedroom door slam after a few more mins I went up to see what he was up to and he was laying on his bed with his pants and at an angle and fiddling,:eek: when he saw I was there he jumped and threw the covers over him. I didn't tell him off or anything because I don't want him to feel ashamed but I also don't want to encourage him. For a while now hes been going upstairs and taking his pants off and putting shorts on that frustrates me a little and I must admit I have told him off a few times. Ive read other posts about this and some mums tell their sons its ok to do it as long as its in private but other mums have said that this is wrong because they could move on to the next level. I would appreciate any help.:(

elsien

Not sure what you mean about moving onto the next level?
I really shouldn't fret though - most of the kids in my mums nursery school were at it at some point - they've discovered it feels nice so hands down the pants and off they go! Perfectly natural part of finding out about their own bodies - not just boys, girls do it as well.
I certainly go along with the "ok in private" advice and letting kids know it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Kimberley82

As long as its in his room whats the problem, its what humans do.

motherofstudents

My approach would be to ignore this. Destract him by providing something interesting for him to do. I won't say he will grow out of it, rather the reverse but for now I don't think there is any harm in it, just don't let him think it;s a big deal and hopefully he will find something else to do (lego ??)

mummyoftwomonkeys

someone said that they said it was ok for their son to do it and then he started showing it to a girl and asking her to touch it thats what i meant by next level. I don't have a problem I am just a little shocked that he is doing it at 4 I was expecting it at some point I just wanted advice on the best way to handle it.

kingfisherblue

My son is 13 and has special needs. He started to touch himself a few months ago. This is a perfectly natural thing to do, but I have told him that he can only do this when he is on his own, in his bed. He does forget, but a gentle reminder seems to do the trick - it can be embarrassing though, when you are in the supermarket and he's saying (very loudly!) 'Nice!'. I just treat it as though it is an everyday event and say quietly to him that I know it is nice, but he must wait until he gets home and into his bedroom as it isn't nice for other people to see him touch himself.

I don't know what you mean by the next level, but personally I would explain that it is something to be done in private. If you make your son feel ashamed, you could be storing up problems for the future.

mummyoftwomonkeys

Thanks, I think if it happens again I will try and act normal and get him to do some drawing or something down stairs lol or help me hang the washing out lol

onetomany

yep my 2 boys 9 and nearlly 15 r always touching i think because its a muscle , make sure u dont make a issuie out of it i rember my oldest when he was about 3 we was out with my mil who is a straight as anything he said mum my dinkle is getting hard i said ok, then he repeated hisself, i just nodded then he shouted mum im trying to say my dinkle has gone hard lol mil went do lally but both my boys and hubby now and then fiddle x

kingfisherblue

Crossed posts - ok, so I can understand that you don't want your son to show to someone else, or ask them to touch it. Keep it that it is private. Using terms along the lines of 'parts of your body covered by underwear' should help him define that it would be unacceptable to share his feelings of niceness with others.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

Just make sure you explain the in-private thing. What's going on with today's modern chav dragging the knuckles on one hand down the street while the other is thrust down the front of their track suit pants. I mean have people regressed back to their animal days that badly?

pigpen

We went with the in private talk too.. DS3 was THE worst ever.. he asked the HV if she wanted a feel cos it feels nice when he was about 3.. thankfully having had 2 sons herself she saw the funny side and politely declined but it was fairly mortifying!

I did however once have to mention to DS1 if he must do that kind of thing could he either do it more quietly or when I was not within earshot!.. he was about 15 and thought it hilarious!

I caught DD1 at about 16 having an investigate too...

It is all very normal part of getting to know their on bodies and growing up... I doubt there is a person out there who hasnt had happy time on their own