Buying ex out of the house

Hannah2011

Hi,

My boyfriend (of 9 years) and I bought a house which completed in January this year. About 3 months later he started having a "relationship" with a dippy student and in June I found out and we broke up . I am now trying to buy him out of the house which is fine with the mortgage but he is asking for more equity than he is entitled to. We put down £19,500 of which, £2100 is his and the rest is mine. We are tenants in common and have a deed drawn up to set out the guidelines with the deposit. Now, my problem is that my ex is demanding £3000 :eek: for me to buy him out. This doesn't seem too huge I know but I'm only 24 and what makes it worse is that a week before I found out what he'd been doing, I paid £1300 on my CC for a holiday for us both. He's now demanding £3k, holiday debt to be written off, a laptop that I bought him as a present in May and a few other bits and pieces. This basically totals £4500.

I can't afford to pay him, he's not having the laptop (I need a new one myself) and he's got himself a free holiday.

The house we bought needed completely refurbishing but we only did part of a new kitchen, so the house hasn't gone up in value.

Is there anything I can do to make him see sense on this??

Thanks... and sorry for the essay :rotfl:

dimbo61

Tell him to get a life !!!
Say you will put the house on the market to sell ASAP and he will pay half the costs of selling
He will get nothing!
The problem you have is that you may well not get the mortgage on your own!
I dont know your income or the size of the mortgage but time to talk to a solictor and then your lender GOOD luck

holly_hobby

Has he moved out of the property ?

You are not married, and the split of property is detailed in the tenants in common deed, which I suspect shows it as his return of £2,100 & a split in any equity the property has achieved since purchase. (which from what you say appears to be nil to negligible).

He is not IMHO legally entitled to anything else, unless of course it is legally documented. Is his demand of 3k on top of the £2,100, or is 3k the grand total. (and he is asking for an extra £900 ? )

When you say "holiday" debt to be written off, is he saying that he is refusing to go half with you on it?

Have you tried to cancel the holiday, and just forfeit the deposit amount ?

Why do you think he feels jusitifed in asking for such extras, when he is the guilty party ?

H

DVardysShadow

Hannah2011 wrote: »

I am now trying to buy him out of the house which is fine with the mortgage but he is asking for more equity than he is entitled to. We put down £19,500 of which, £2100 is his and the rest is mine. We are tenants in common and have a deed drawn up to set out the guidelines with the deposit. Now, my problem is that my ex is demanding £3000 :eek: for me to buy him out. This doesn't seem too huge I know but I'm only 24 and what makes it worse is that a week before I found out what he'd been doing, I paid £1300 on my CC for a holiday for us both. He's now demanding £3k, holiday debt to be written off, a laptop that I bought him as a present in May and a few other bits and pieces. This basically totals £4500.

I can't afford to pay him, he's not having the laptop (I need a new one myself) and he's got himself a free holiday.

The house we bought needed completely refurbishing but we only did part of a new kitchen, so the house hasn't gone up in value.
Is there anything I can do to make him see sense on this??

Thanks... and sorry for the essay :rotfl:

You may find it hard to make him see sense, unless you see some yourself.

Now you are only 24. Does that mean that the laws of arithmetic are less favourable to you?

The laptop is his and his alone. You gave it to him as a present, you said so yourself.

And the holiday. Well he says it must be written off. But what are you saying? That you are going to set it against the equity he recieves?

Basically, you should stick with the terms of the deed for dealing with the equity and settle the property alone. Leave the pother issues for another day, to argue over without any leverage. You will lose out on the holiday, I am sure - but while you and he are arguing and bringing other issues into the property settlement, you will never get the property sorted.

And take a look at the kind of bloke you get involved with in future. Your losses on the ex will be money well spent if you learn that - and you are getting away very lightly compared to some on these forums.

If a bloke finds a woman who puts up £17500 for a house - when he only puts up £2000 and she gets him a laptop and pays £1300 for a holiday, he is on to a good thing. The trouble with generous women like you who can manage their money is that all to often you spend what you save on fools and wasters who don't appreciate you, so it goes wrong. Look for a man who does not need you to pay for him.

SunFlower

Wow, he's got some nerve!

Don't fall for it: he's acting as though he holds all the cards and you owe him something, which is not the case. Morally, if nothing else, he is the one who was having the affair.

First up, don't be a push over! If you aren't agreeing to something, tell him in no uncertain terms.

Secondly, what paperwork have you got to back your claims up? With regard to the laptop (the least of your worries, really), is he still living with you? Do you have access to it? Do you have receipts to prove you bought it?

Thirdly, what can you prove r.e. deposit? If you can prove you stumped up most of the deposit, tell him if he decides not to sell his share of the house to you that you will put it on the market, and that the proceeds will be divided up between you in accordance to the percentage of deposit paid (is that what happens? Check with a legal eagle). Point out that if forced, you will sell, and by the time all the legal fees etc. are paid for, given that the house hasn't gone up in value, he will end up losing as much as you will, so it's in his interests as much as yours to come to an amicable agreement involving the minimum of solicitors etc.

Fourthly, look him straight in the eye and tell him that you owe him no money and that you will not pay him A SINGLE PENNY and by asking you for £3K he has made you realise what a lowlife, money-grabbing idiot he is, and he has made you realised how much better your life will be without him, and that under NO circumstances will you be emotionally blackmailed.

As for the holiday, can you change then name on his ticket, take a friend/relative with you to have an amazing girly holiday and celebrate being rid of him? If not, and his name is on the ticket, tell him to stump up or else (although he could claim it's a gift, so I'm not sure how far you could go with this).

Darling, you are SO much better off without him! :T How DARE he act as though he holds all the cards - you do!

DVardysShadow

SunFlower wrote: »

Wow, he's got some nerve!

Don't fall for it: he's acting as though he holds all the cards and you owe him something, which is not the case. Morally, if nothing else, he is the one who was having the affair.

First up, don't be a push over! If you aren't agreeing to something, tell him in no uncertain terms.

Secondly, what paperwork have you got to back your claims up? With regard to the laptop (the least of your worries, really), is he still living with you? Do you have access to it? Do you have receipts to prove you bought it?

Thirdly, what can you prove r.e. deposit? If you can prove you stumped up most of the deposit, tell him if he decides not to sell his share of the house to you that you will put it on the market, and that the proceeds will be divided up between you in accordance to the percentage of deposit paid (is that what happens? Check with a legal eagle). Point out that if forced, you will sell, and by the time all the legal fees etc. are paid for, given that the house hasn't gone up in value, he will end up losing as much as you will, so it's in his interests as much as yours to come to an amicable agreement involving the minimum of solicitors etc.

Fourthly, look him straight in the eye and tell him that you owe him no money and that you will not pay him A SINGLE PENNY and by asking you for £3K he has made you realise what a lowlife, money-grabbing idiot he is, and he has made you realised how much better your life will be without him, and that under NO circumstances will you be emotionally blackmailed.

As for the holiday, can you change then name on his ticket, take a friend/relative with you to have an amazing girly holiday and celebrate being rid of him? If not, and his name is on the ticket, tell him to stump up or else (although he could claim it's a gift, so I'm not sure how far you could go with this).

Darling, you are SO much better off without him! :T How DARE he act as though he holds all the cards - you do!

Apart from sharing the moral indignation and agreeing with the advice over the holiday, I think that so much of the rest of this post is going to exacerbate the situation.

holly_hobby

Agreed ... whilst we appreciate the heartache this must be causing .... its the boards role to give factual, realistic and lawful advice to the OP ..... lets stick to the legalities.

He is only legally entitled to any equity in the prop in accordance with the terms of the tenants in common agreement (which the OP had the foresight to have drafted).

The couple are not married, so division of assets is not as straight forward as a married couple.

If the OP gifted the laptop to the ex, outside of a commercial transaction (which the OP has admitted to) the laptop lawfully belongs to the ex (I am talking if it got to court).

The holiday, well the OP really can't demand he pay half or all - unless there was an agreement between them that OP would book & pay on her credit card, with the ex refunding her half (or whatever his contribution was to be).

The best she can hope for there, is as I have already posted, cancel the holiday and forfeit the deposit, or sell the holiday (there is a website where individuals sell booked holidays, can't think of the link, I will try & remember it and come back to this point), or go on it herself with a companion (obv changing his name).

OP needs to seek some legal advice on this, and if necessary get a sol letter drafted to him, clearly putting him in the picture as to just what he is entitled to recieve or not.

We still don't know if he's moved out .... hopefully OP will come back with some more details.

The trick here is to remain calm and level headed with this guy, as its in that frame of mind that you make the best and most logical decisions.

To which we will support you all the way, with level headed advice and guidance...

H

SunFlower

My bad...I assumed that the holiday was booked in full knowledge of both parties on the basis of 'I'll pay you the money when I have it', in which case OP is within her rights to at least to attempt to keep his word.

What was the agreement, OP?

DVardysShadow

SunFlower wrote: »

My bad...I assumed that the holiday was booked in full knowledge of both parties on the basis of 'I'll pay you the money when I have it', in which case OP is within her rights to at least to attempt to keep his word.

You know, the property is so simple to sort out. There is a deed, and that should be the end of it for the property. The arguments on the rest can stand or fall on their own.

But once the laptop and the holiday get mixed in with the property, all the benefit of the deed is lost. The laptop is a lost cause. For £650 on a holiday, it is not worth arguing until the property is dealt with, there is so much more at stake.

At least there is no cat to argue about.

holly_hobby

DVardysShadow wrote: »

At least there is no cat to argue about.

:rotfl::rotfl:( I know I shouldn't ..) but that did make me titter !!!

Hannah2011

Thank you for all your replies.

The deed of trust we had drawn up sets out that the equity we each put in is returned and any profits made should be shared equally. The house has not increased in value in 6 months and therefore he should only be entitled to his £2100.

The holiday was booked a week before I found out about his little adventure and it was last minute so we both went on it (as "friends"). I tried to cancel it but couldn't and no one I knew could get time off work at 2 weeks notice! I was booked by me on the understanding that he would give me half the money towards it. Of course, that was the deal before we split.

The laptop is on a credit agreement in my name and I am paying for it each month. I understand what you say about it being a present but this present was given when he was off with another woman, it was given in good faith and he's not keeping it.

No he is not living at the house any longer. He is still paying his half of the mortgage but no bills. I have agreed in principle that the mortgage be put in my name and am just waiting for the paperwork to come through.

I have a friendly solicitor doing that side of things, she says that the amount I give him needs to go into the transfer. He has to happy with this amount or he needn't sign the document.

He is demanding £900 on top of his deposit plus the laptop and to not pay me back the holiday. He originally was asking for £5000 plus the other bits because "the house means so much to me". He thinks I'm stitching him up because the house will probably make £15,000/£20,000 profit once it is sold in a couple of years (I am an estate agent locally so I know I got myself a bargain!). I don't feel like I should have to pay him off because of a stupid mistake that he made and the path he has chosen to go down???

Thanks again for all your help