Not been invited..

nicole.17

Maybe slightly off topic?

My boyfriend of 4 years had been invited to 2 of his cousins weddings within a few weeks of each other.

The first one a few weeks ago was a small church wedding but was then followed by a big party with a buffet (couple have been together 2 and a half years).
The second is going to be a huge wedding from the start, big everything but with a sit down meal followed by a party (couple have been together 3 years).

I have not been invited to either, and I am feeling slightly annoyed and left out. I have met both cousins a few times. If I bring it up with my boyfriend he just tells me to stop being silly ect, but I take him to every family event with me! :( We do live together, and have done for ever a year.

Also, my boyfriends sisters partner was also not invited but both my boyfriends mum and his sister made such a huge fuss about him not being invited that he is now able to go (They didn't even turn up to the first wedding out of 'principle' but are going to the second one)! They have been together 5 years, but I am just feeling really rubbish because his mum didn't even think about saying something about me not going.. and she never would have made a scene about it. :mad:

And his mum had the cheek to say to me yesterday 'aww it's a shame your not coming to the wedding, you could have come shopping with me and the girls to find outfits' (his sisters). :mad:

My parents think my boyfriend should have said something, or said he was not going and that would have been the right thing to do. But I don't know.

Argh rant over. But please, someone tell me if I really am just being silly and thinking way to much into it.

PasturesNew

Maybe they can't afford for everybody who isn't married to have a "+ 1" invite.

Just enjoy the spare time and spare money you'll have due to not being invited. Last wedding I went to cost hundreds in outfit/hair/gift/travel/accommodation/food/drinks.

nicole.17

PasturesNew wrote: »

Maybe they can't afford for everybody who isn't married to have a "+ 1" invite.

Just enjoy the spare time and spare money you'll have due to not being invited. Last wedding I went to cost hundreds in outfit/hair/gift/travel/accommodation/food/drinks.

I did think about that, but then surely I have been to weddings that give out evening only invites which wouldn't cost them anymore.. just maybe a restriction on numbers It also annoyed me that I could have gone to the wedding a few weeks ago as my boyfriends sister didn't even bother going!

I'm not one to kick up a fuss, so i'm happy that I am better than his sister/mum/partner for not making a big drama out of it Just bottled it up instead..

I also don't understand the reasoning of 'if your not married then it's different', how is it? Some people choose to never get married, and in my opinion it does not prove your commitment!

Janey3

I agree with your parents. I would have expected boyfriend to have gracefully declined the invitations if you were not invited, it's not as if you've just met your boyfriend and in a new relationship.

I certainly wouldn't let them know it's bothering you - just make a mental note of it for the future!!

(Just read last post - good for you - hold your head high and rise above it all!)

Mrs_Huggett

The sister, being female would have started the ball rolling with the huffing and puffing about her boyfriend not being invited, and Mum joined in, as they do....Your boyfriend is....................a bloke, they would have to be told that this is not the way for people to behave, literally you have to grab them by the shoulders and speak really slowly because they just don't get it, the Mum sounds like she could do with a couple of lessons in tact, Is he the one? If so then you will know what to do when it's your turn!!

MrsDrink

From your original post Nicole we can't judge how big their family is, which is possibly one reason why they haven't invited you. The reason I say this is because MrD's family is massive - his mum has 5 sisters and they all have 2+ children. If we were to invite all of his cousins and their respective partners (and children cause you can't invite both partners and not bring their children ) then there would literally be no room left for our friends. Even for 'just the reception'. Venue number restrictions, cost of buffet, possible cost of free bar (;)) etc would all add up.

Fortunately (in my opinion) there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to weddings (other than the vows and "I do". I do feel sorry for the Bride and Groom who had to invite your boyfriend's sister's partner just to stop world war three from erupting, and I'm glad to hear you wouldn't dream of repeating such a performance.

I would urge you to not be upset by this. It probably bears no judgement on how they see you - i.e. as part of the family or not. Weddings are expensive business and unfortunately the biggest thing that adds to the cost is number of guests.

As for saying your partner shouldn't go - it depends on how close he is with his cousins. If they are close as a family then I suspect the backlash and fall out as a result of this would simply not be worth it (cutting his nose off to spite his face comes to mind). If they aren't close though I think he should make his own mind up and not be pressurised into one thing or another.

nicole.17

Mrs_Huggett wrote: »

The sister, being female would have started the ball rolling with the huffing and puffing about her boyfriend not being invited, and Mum joined in, as they do....Your boyfriend is....................a bloke, they would have to be told that this is not the way for people to behave, literally you have to grab them by the shoulders and speak really slowly because they just don't get it, the Mum sounds like she could do with a couple of lessons in tact, Is he the one? If so then you will know what to do when it's your turn!!

We do plan on getting married in 2014, so defiantly the best thing to do is to keep a mental note and remember who invited me when it's my turn

amandada

Go and have a lovely day doing something just for you, on their wedding day, and console yourself with the thought that you don't have to spend your day in the company of VERY rude people!

MrsDrink

I really don't think they are rude people for not inviting her.

(I also think how long each couple has been together is irrelevant).

melancholly

MrsDrink wrote: »

(I also think how long each couple has been together is irrelevant).

but i think that is key...... not inviting a partner when a couple has been together for a decade is not the same as if they have been together 6 months (most people don't invite a plus one unless it's pretty long term - imo, 4 years is pretty long term). and not everyone chooses to get married (we have friends who have been together for 25 years with 3 kids who just never felt the need to tie to knot), so it can't be based on married versus 'just' a couple.

i can understand tough decisions need to be made to keep numbers manageable. but a phone call to either the BF or his mother just to explain wouldn't do any harm and would avoid people wondering why and assuming the worst. of course the bride and groom can have whoever they want, but when you only invite half of an established couple, it's usually courtesy to say why as it unusual and would be seen as rude by many many people.

MrsDrink

Sorry I should have been clearer - I meant how long the bride and groom had been together.