How to give some OS help without offending...

MrsTinks

Mics_chick wrote:

Instead of saying "well I used to" I would say something along lines of "Things were hard for us when we were starting out/kiddies were little..."

I'm younger and have no kiddies Otherwise a great suggestion

The recipe collection is coming together tho Once I have a half decent amount I'll print them and laminate

CFC

The great 'I know someone at work who is a bit hard up, he only works 16 hrs a week so really he's on benefits too and his wife does X to save money' line is good as well!

You could write down a load of shopping tips and pretend that they're the distilled words of her wisdom.

If you're on really good terms you could make the helping out into a bit of fun - it sounds as if you'd like to help out financially a bit? Maybe tell her for her birthday you're sending her a Tesco home shopping hamper (chosen and selected by you) and her mission from now till her birthday is to try out all the recipes in your laminated folder and check them out cos the hamper will consist of a week's worth of ingredients on the cookery laminate?

MrsTinks

We're on pretty good terms But I think the last suggestiong by CFC is absolutely fab! I'll be trying that!

TheToothfairy_3

I have to agree with Queenie on this one. If she wants advise, she will take it. If not, then it will fall upon deaf ears...it depends on her personality and the amount of 'telephone' contact you have.
When I was struggling a few years back, if anyone had sent or given me help, I would have been mortified...just my way!
But as the years have gone on, I have found with others it is a fine tune between being forthrite and perceptive.
I only give help and/or advice if someone has asked directly for it or has dropped a topic in conversation.
For instance, a friend of mine wanted to cut down her bills and said that the washing powder she was using cost alot...what do I use? I then told her about the powder-soda crystals combo I discovered on this site (quite casually mind). A few weeks later and she is raving about it and the site too!.
If she had had just a general moan about finances and mentioned the washing as one of those concerns then I would have told her of 'something that helped me when I felt the same way'.
I don't think money saving in the home differs whether you are younger or older, child or childless. The principles are the same.
If she asks - tell, if she drops it into conversation - tell, but otherwise don't.
By following this myself I have found friends, neighbours and relatives calling me up about allsorts because they know that they won't feel patronised or belittled...just someone that may (or may not) know the answer.
HTH. X

Linda32

As others have said, I'd go along the lines of "well I buy this or that". A chap at work asked me once what I would use to clean the inside of a microwave, well I suggested the stardrops and hot water way, of course :rotfl:

Far to much like hard work, that :eek: and wanted to know about a spray, so I just laughed and said, "well you can use Flash or whatever if you want too, but I wouldn't far too expensive when stardrops will do"

beachbeth

If you buy her a slow cooker or other helpful gadget you could always say that a relative bought it you for Christmas but you already have one and so you thought she might have use for it? Then say you thought you would include recipes with it in case she hasn't used one before.

miggy

tine wrote:

I'm going to try and find an A5 folder with ring binder thingies to make it easier...).

Great thread! You can get A5 ring binders in WHSmith, probably elsewhere too.
You can use letter writing paper (I use Tesco's plain writing pad, 100 sheets) which fits well.
The fact you got on well is a great start so long as you don't push too much! That way you have an excuse to ring or email her, which in turn gives opportunities to drop things in to the conversation. For instance you could be amazed that someone was paying X for some foodstuff when they could have made it at home for a fraction of that. If she is also paying X, she then has the chance to say 'Oh, how do you you make it then?'
Being friends with her is important - don't jeopardise it for the sake of the project. If she gets to know and trust you she is much more likely to look to you for good advice, and if she doesn't - well, you still have a new friend!
Edit: Don't forget to compliment her when she does something well, and ask her advice from time to time too!

morganlefay

If she has a computer can you introduce her to MSE ? Or would she recognise your name and be very offended ? I have found some fantastic oS ideas on here - especially the SC , all the recipe threads, and Morrisons great £1.29 ham shanks. The fact that other people out there are being very ingenious at saving money and sharing ideas was a real lightbulb moment for me, and the kindless and friendliness might be really good for her if her BF really isn't trying. We have public use computers in my local library, so actually anyone can do this if there's an incentive. Good luck, you seem to be being the sort of SIL I wish I had !:T

dannahaz

beachbeth wrote:

If you buy her a slow cooker or other helpful gadget you could always say that a relative bought it you for Christmas but you already have one and so you thought she might have use for it? Then say you thought you would include recipes with it in case she hasn't used one before.

That's a good thought beachbeth - but if they think it was passed on as a spare there would be little incentive for them to try it. They might even sell it.

Building on BBs suggestion, what about buying her a slow cooker as a "housewarming pressie", and saying you remembered she mentioned not being a very confident cook so this might be just thing to help. Include a couple of recipes (not too many or she'll be overwhelmed), and maybe even the ingredients (or a Tesco/other supermarket voucher pinned to a list of ingredients to buy). Add that you can't wait to hear how it turns out. That gives you an opening to ask about it if she doesn't come back to you.

MrsTinks

morganlefay wrote:

If she has a computer can you introduce her to MSE ? Or would she recognise your name and be very offended ? I have found some fantastic oS ideas on here - especially the SC , all the recipe threads, and Morrisons great £1.29 ham shanks. The fact that other people out there are being very ingenious at saving money and sharing ideas was a real lightbulb moment for me, and the kindless and friendliness might be really good for her if her BF really isn't trying. We have public use computers in my local library, so actually anyone can do this if there's an incentive. Good luck, you seem to be being the sort of SIL I wish I had !:T

I know they have a computer but they are not on the internet (financial reasons) so e-mails are out for the time being (sadly as I communicate all the time on msn and e-mail and find it so handy ) I am definitely going to take it gently and not be too pushy (also I am 99.9% certain that my future MIL would help me out sneaking stuff like food in... that way I can help a little extra without her even knowing! At least until she feels happy to ask for help from me...) - I'm going to use my knowledge and love of cooking to kick off and if initially she thinks I'm a food cooking loon then I have no problem with that hehehe Well it's pretty accurate after all! I even amazed my family at Christmas with every meal being home cooked and they were going back for seconds and thirds! So obviously I have come a long way since I left home (when I could infamously burn supernoodles...) and it shows on my waist lol!!!