How to give some OS help without offending...

MrsTinks

We went to see my future in laws this weekend and what a world apart we are... Think of me as a mix of all 4 characters in the good life and SIL as... well not...

Now I have to admit to not taking to her future husband but her choice I shan't interfer... Neither of them have a job SIL is a stay at home mum with her 16 month daughter and they have just been given a very nice council house (2 bedrooms). Now I say nice - it needs some work but it's got potential and it's safe and clean for little 'un.
We got on very well and she's a lovely girl but... with so little cash and so on and a BF whom I wouldn't trust with a penny - how can I help her out so she and her daughter if nothing else is well clothed and fed? I don't want to call her and say "look I noticed money might be a little tight" because I don't want to hurt her feelings and she is doing her best! But I also know that £5 here and there won't be missed from our end (not as much as they might do good anyway...) but I don't want to send cash for many reasons, and dropping of a bit of veg and stuff is out of the question.... they live about 500 miles away!

So please help! I want the help to be as OS as possible, as healthy as possible and if possible I want it to help her learn to cook (I'm starting a little cook book for her with easy to do recipies - greatly inspired by Black Saturn! and laminated so she can collect them and store them... I'm going to try and find an A5 folder with ring binder thingies to make it easier...).

I have a spare copy of Thrifty Ways for Modern Days so I am going to send her one of my copies and I know her mum helps out too so I'll try to stick my head together with hers and find ways of helping in the little ways...

I want to help so badly but I don't want to offend her by suggesting she can't cope even if she is struggling... HELP!

Sarahsaver

Ooh I feel so close to saying to people sometimes 'STOP BUYING PROCESSED FOOD' and sandwiches from shops for that matter. People waste so much money on 'essentials' Yes we need food but we don't NEED to spend a lot, as us OS'ers know.
Your approach is probably more subtle than mine (or rather my imaginary aproach LOL) but you are doing the right thing IMHO.
This is often a cause for controversy in the media, but you DO get enough to live on if you are on benefits, so long as you spend wisely, orrather avoid spending as often as possible!
Point her in the dorection of freecycle. Even if she has not got a computer libraries offer free access, and often have parent and toddler sessions too.
DOn't broach the subject on the defensive, i.e. 'don't be offended but...'I hope you dont mind but...'
Instead something like ...I have done this for a friend (make one up or maybe you have done it for real) I have done the same in 'real life' given a friend clothes for a younger child, shared cheap and filling recipes and so on. People appreciate it.
Hopefully in time she will learn some of your resourcefulness.

MrsTinks

Thanks Sarahsaver

I know I can sneak something in as she was on about not being a good cook etc and I said (like I always do lol) that she could just call anytime and I would ofer what help i could with advice etc So I know I can do some helping there under the guise of helping her improve her cooking

I guess I just felt very lost as to how to approach it all without offending her as obviously I don't want to do that! But also getting her to realise that she can make life so much easier and healthier for herself and the little one

Keep any suggestions coming!

redballoon_2

what about saying to her that you are struggling with money because of x y z and you have found that xxxxxx and xxxxx help with not spending so much...

sammy_kaye18

redballoon wrote:

what about saying to her that you are struggling with money because of x y z and you have found that xxxxxx and xxxxx help with not spending so much...

I think thats a good idea myself - ive doen this with my sister and am proud to say shes getting the hint now and watching what she spends - she has a 13 month old daughter too - ive given her clothes etc for babe and even use to go round with bathces of home mad ebaby food when my niece was weaning simply because 'id made them for a friends baby i was supposed to babysit but it fell through for reason x y z so my friend said i could have them and ive no use for it'

Why not buy her soemthing - like a lsow cooker and suggest a few meals to go in that - cheap, money savign and she coudl make the measl as fancy or as cheap as she likes - i got mine for £8 off the loal market appliance sales man! alternatively jsut send it to her so she has to ring you an dask what,why, where , how, abotu it and give her a few tips over the phone and you could gently slide in moneysaving into the convo along the lines fo its really cheap to use and you can bung stuff in in the mornign and leave it to cook all day so she has lots of spare time with little un!

dlb

The making a book of recipes, hint and tips is a great idea, i am doing this for a hard to buy for brother in law for his b/day.
Sort of looks like a homemade present when really its a hint hint look at this.

moggins

I'd give her a copy of the Tightwads Gazette for her birthday

Queenie

First of all, remember the old adage: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!

If you try too hard, your words will fall on deaf ears, the recipient needs to *want* the same thing you are trying to offer

Now, by that same token, slowly but surely you can sow the seeds and hope that they grow.

When my son and his g/friend and new baby moved into their first flat, I used the computer to make a Household Notebook for them. Because it was personal to *their* needs and was given as a housewarming gift, it was well received.

You could invite them over for a home cooked meal or take a hm casserole and a hm loaf over to them

You could invite her over for coffee and be in the process of baking a cake or some hm biscuits when she arrives. My recipe for Every Day Biscuits is so easy, my boys make them and they take minutes to prepare and bake!

You could offer to take her shopping when you go and if you see her picking up something expensive or you know could be done/bought cheaper, tell her so!

Lead by example If she respects you, she will be far more open to your tried and tested ways. Note of caution, don't introduce something you haven't tried yourself or know to be accurate

Baby steps!! Rome wasn't built in a day and you don't want to come across as interferring or overbearing. Wishing you all the very best x

MrsTinks

I'd love to invite her over everyone but it's a LONG treck ooo about 500 miles one way...

I think step one is to use the recipies to help her cook better (and send her Thrifty Ways - after all I have a spare copy she might as well make use etc etc etc ) - I am going to liase with future MIL and her husband as they are already on the same line of thinking...

It's birthday time in July which is a little way off but that will give me about 6 months to get her used to the OS way and then I can give her a SC for her birthday

MrsTinks

redballoon wrote:

what about saying to her that you are struggling with money because of x y z and you have found that xxxxxx and xxxxx help with not spending so much...

I would need to adjust this a little... she knows we're not poor or hard up (well ok we have debts but debts we can comfortably afford - to her I think it might sound condensending if I said I was struggling on the same level... but I might twist it round a little because I wasn't always comfortably off So I might do this like a "well I used to... " I'll give this one some more thought thanks tho redballoon!

Mics_chick

tine wrote:

I would need to adjust this a little... she knows we're not poor or hard up (well ok we have debts but debts we can comfortably afford - to her I think it might sound condensending if I said I was struggling on the same level... but I might twist it round a little because I wasn't always comfortably off So I might do this like a "well I used to... " I'll give this one some more thought thanks tho redballoon!

Instead of saying "well I used to" I would say something along lines of "Things were hard for us when we were starting out/kiddies were little..."