Advice needed for friend re marital split

Snaggles

Hello!

Just wondered if anyone can help point me in the right direction. A good friend of mine is currently 4 months pregnant with her second baby (already has a 2 year old). Her husband told her a few days ago that he no longer wants to be with her, and no matter how much she talks to him, he is refusing to change his mind and give their marriage another try.

She has told me today that an estate agent rang the house to discuss coming to do a valuation - apparently he wants to sell the house as soon as possible.

I want to try and advise her where she stands, as obviously she is worried about losing her home (she can't afford to buy him out). He has told her that selling up is the only option, as he can't afford to pay the mortgage AND rent a property for himself.

She is wanting to keep things civilised and as friendly as possible, as she doesn't want to cause any upset for their little girl, or for herself (she needs to stay as stress free as possible during her pregnancy, due to a history of miscarriages).

He has also told her that if she turns nasty, he could just give up his job, go onto benefits, and then she would get no maintenance from him (I think he's just trying to frighten her as surely he can't just give up work and go straight onto benefits??)

I've no experience of divorce, but really want to help her, as I'm worried he will walk all over her if I don't. She says people have been telling her to 'take him for every penny' but she doesn't want to (in fact, she really doesn't want to split up at all).

If anyone can give me any advice about her situation or point me in the right direction (ie should she talk to Citizens Advice Bureau/a solicitor?), I would be really grateful. Thanks.

Bossyboots

Is the property in their joint names? If so, he cannot arrange to sell it without her signature and she should make sure that from now on she signs absolutely nothing.

If she is not on the deeds to the property, she needs to get a restriction registered on the property to protect her position. She could do this herself by downloading a form from the Land Registry website.

Does she work or is she a stay at home mum? If she has no income, she would be entitled to legal aid so can instruct a solicitor to lodge the restriction for her.

Even though she doesn't want to split up, her husband is clearly putting the wheels in motion and she needs to get her own legal advice to secure her position.

flufff

all seems a little quick.Has he a new partner lined up?If they are married and hes adulterous she can keep up to 100% of the house and he will have to keep up the payments.
If hes moved out I would also further secure the property.I dont know the law on changing locks but I know she can add extra security in case he decides to waltz in and remove household items.

mountainofdebt

I seem to remember that my mum was advised not to change the locks when my dad left, especially as he was joint owner of the property. Unfortunately she soon after lost her keys and had to change the locks, after advising the police and her solicitor of the loss of course...........

Bossyboots

flufff wrote:

If they are married and hes adulterous she can keep up to 100% of the house and he will have to keep up the payments.

With the greatest of respect, this is totally wrong.

She MAY get to keep a large percentage of the house, he MAY have to keep up the payments. None of this is relevant to the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage and the individual circumstances of the couple both now and potential for the future will determine how things will be divided.

nearlyrich

I split with my ex whilst PG due to his affair, I took advice from a family lawyer and eventually got 2 thirds of the equity, he didn't pay anything towards the mortgage etc.

The most important thing is to look after herself and her children including the one that's not born yet, it's hard to see a way forward but she will get through it and it's commoner than you would think. It also happened to 2 close friends of mine a few years later and all three of us have survived with lovely children to show for the ordeal.

Be a good friend to her, remember that it's lonely sitting in the house on your own when the LO has gone to bed, give her a call, drop in for a chat. I hope it all turns out OK for her and the children.

welshcakes

One of the foremost concerns of your friend seems to be retaining the security of a roof over her and the kids heads. She should remain in the property.

Most divorces end up with solicitors and courts and this will likely be the case in her situation as there is a breakdown of communication, child and asset matters to be resolved.

If reconciliation is defintiely out then my plan of action would be preventive steps -

Freeze credit cards and joint bank accounts.
Photocopy all documents (such as bank statements, deeds, policies, marriage certificate, pension statements, loans, latest P60s for BOTH of them)
Keep a diary of dates of conversations, threats, actions eg day he informed her he wanted to split up, date the estate agents rang her, the date he leaves etc.
Make appointments to see several local legal aid family solicitor firms (1st 30 minute appointment usually free for everyone - make sure she gets a legal aid application form to fill out for all future representation)
Let her midwife/gp know as it is important that they are aware of any specific stresses that may impact on her health

Facts are:

Court judges do not force sales of family homes where it would lead to the children and caring parent being made homeless or severely uprooted

If the property and mortgage are joint then both parties remain equally liable for the outstanding mortgage regardless of who makes what payments

She should ring up Child Benefit and advise them that she is shortly to become single parent - she will be entitled to a lone parent supplement. Her CTC will also increase depending on how much her husband currently earns.

Furthermore, she is entitled to a single adult discount of council tax

If the mortgage doesn't get paid, the house will be repossessed and he will also lose out big time.

Things to think about:

Most threats are hot air but always bear in mind that rotten apples will cut off their own nose to spite their face. He may well give up his job to avoid paying maintenance but will he really do that - how will he afford to live/pay his bills - he won't be entitiled to benefits if he voluntarily resigns.

Let the mortgage company know, perhaps there is a payment holiday scheme.

Is she able to consider down-sizing? She needs to sit down (with a good mate hint) and calmly write down income/expenditure and all the possible avenues she could take.

Does she have family who could buy him out? Could she cover the mortgage by renting out a room?

It's all horrific when it first hits a parent so she'll need loads of hugs and a bit of humour to get her through the scarey bits. But there is life after divorce trust me.

flufff

I thought lone parent had been done away with on child benefit?She needs to claim benefits though.Once on benefits she will be entitled to legal aid which she needs post haste and get her to see a solicitor.First half hour is free..

welshcakes

http://www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/YourMoney/YourMoneyArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=4003043&chk=2jFRr7

link for lone parents, hope it helps

Snaggles

Thank you all for your replies, I just want to gather as much info for her as possible, as I think she is too overwhelmed with it all at the moment, and has had the fight knocked out of her, and I don't want him to push her into anything too quickly, before she has time to think, or take proper advice.

As far as I know, there is no-one else involved (or if there is, she doesn't know about it). I'm going to try and put all the information together for her, so she can digest it and think about what she wants to do. My biggest worry is that, as several of you have commented, it is all happening very fast - I think he is hoping that if he rushes the house sale through, he will be able to walk away scott-free. He has basically told her that when marriages split up, the house is sold and they both take half of the profits each (she was surprised when I said this wasn't necessarily the case).

I feel so bad for her because I'm pregnant too (we didn't plan to have babies at the same time, it was just one of those weird coincidences!) and I feel like it must hurt her to see us making plans and being happy. But she is a good friend, and I want to help as much as I can, either with the practical stuff or as a shoulder to cry on.

Pity we are both pregnant - I think this is a situation that is crying out for a bottle of wine or two.

Snaggles

Sorry, missed a few questions:

Yes, the property is in joint names at the moment, so at least it can't be sold without her signing anything.

Yes, she is working at the moment, she will go on maternity leave in a few months, but she is intending to return to work afterwards.

No, unfortunately downsizing isn't an option as it's only a 2 bedroom house, and she can't take on a lodger for the same reason.

Thanks again for all the info, you have all been a big help to me (and hopefully to her), and pressing the thanks button doesn't seem like enough.