How do you start dating again or am I past it?

ally18

This is perhaps a daft question to most people but it is a genuine one for me because I have actually never been on 'dates'.

I married my first and only boyfriend many years ago so wasn't used to going out clubbing etc so I'm not sure how to start again.

No longer married and Im starting to feel a little lonely. I've looked into doing courses to get out and about but there are literally none in my area due to being all cut, I tried looking on the internet for clubs such as book clubs but couldn't find any.

I dont have friends to socialise with and I work in a singleton post so a bit stuck there. Tbh it sounds like I'm a no hoper doesn't it?

A couple of weeks ago I put a profile on one of those internet dating sites but didn't actually join because I can't afford it at the mo. I've had over 200 views but only 6 winks but not having done this before I don't know if thats normal or is there something wrong with me!

Have to admit this feels really daunting and scary and I'm 44!! :rotfl:

Any advice at all?

VfM4meplse

Hi ally18, and welcome to the fantastic world of singledom :hello:.

I think you're doing the right thing, but you will have to subscribe to Match to see the benefits. They do usually have offers around the BH weekend, so keep your eyes peeled for these.

I would highly recommend that you keep an open mind, and make contact with people that you find vaguely interesting rather than restricting you search to a man-hunt, as you'll expand your social circle and have fun in the process.

jakes-mum

Hi ally18, i cant really help with the single scene but as for past it, my grandad passed away a few years ago, my nana (80 at the time) was extremely lonely, was even going to bed at 6:30pm so she didnt have to sit alone in the house, having dinner at 4pm when my dad went over to see her so she had someone to eat with, well she now has a new 'friend' who she has the girly giggles over, serious school girl crush from what ive been told! . So if my retired nana can find someone to have over for tea im sure you can at 44

ally18

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Hi ally18, and welcome to the fantastic world of singledom :hello:.

Thanks ,

Do you really need to be an extrovert to do this because I'm not. I find it hard to speak to people I don't know and I think me being shy is going to be a bit of a hindrence. Is it best to be yourself or try and put a bit of a front on it, iykwim?

VfM4meplse

ally18 wrote: »

Thanks ,

Do you really need to be an extrovert to do this because I'm not. I find it hard to speak to people I don't know and I think me being shy is going to be a bit of a hindrence. Is it best to be yourself or try and put a bit of a front on it, iykwim?

No you do not need to be larger than life - normal is recommended of you want a second date! - but after you've been through a few frogs you do get bolder. My problem to start with was being ultra-selective, focus in life has always worked for me in every other area in the past but has actually been a big hindrance in this dept. Just remember you have a life to live whilst you look for Mr Right, enjoy every opportunity that comes your way and you'll build up a collection of fantastic memories....

DUTR

As post #5

Flora_Poste

What about volunteering for the National Trust or the like. I have a few friends who do this and it's just a way of making contacts with people, some of whom may turn into friends. They are usually a really nice bunch and you will learn new skills as well.

Or maybe at the local hospice. Or animal shelter? Something that interests you will mean meeting other people with the same sort of interests. Then it's not just about finding a new man but also about a lot of new friends too ( who might also just have a single brother, cousin, workmate hanging about looking for a new partner......... )

ally18

jakes-mum wrote: »

So if my retired nana can find someone to have over for tea im sure you can at 44

Oh, thats brilliant for her, thanks for that.

VestanPance

Being a single female Internet dating would seem the easist option for you. Every woman I've know to try it had been inundated with messages, not always the kind of messages they want right enough!

ally18

Thanks for all your replies already everyone.

I did try doing volunteering with the elderly not long ago but found it just wasn't working out with working full time and my family so I had to withdraw from it.

ally18

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I think you're doing the right thing, but you will have to subscribe to Match to see the benefits. They do usually have offers around the BH weekend, so keep your eyes peeled for these.

I will look out for these offers then as I really can't afford the costs of joining, they are so expensive plus i'll have a look at all the free sites as well. If I go on them all, I will be looking desperate. :rotfl: