what can i do now help ?

gratefulforhelp_2

What kind of solicitor advised you to communicate via faceache??????????????????/

OP your son at this age will have a big say in whether he sees you. You need to discuss with a different family law solicitor whether this is worth your while now.

You also need to come up with answers for your son (not us) to some questions like...

why now?
why has it taken so long?
why are there CSA issues?
why did you stop seeing me?

I'm sure you have good answers to all these, but you need to be prepared.

pigpen

My friend still had to get permission from the father of her 2 to change their surnames even though he had not seen them for 12+ years.. one is 15 and the other is 13..

Gigglepig

Firstly, I don't think a name change is a big deal compared to the access issue. Surely seeing him and being there for him is more important?

But...If you have not bothered to try to re-establish contact with your son in the last 10(!) years then I would not be surprised if he at 13 years old doesn't want to see you. I would not pressure him, but just make it clear to him that you are sorry you haven't been there for him and that you will always love him and would like to see him.

If he already called another man "daddy" when he was just 3 then presumably you did not see that much of him prior to this either?

I understand that it is hard for you. But, If he has had another father figure in his life all this time when you were not there for him, then that may be a good thing! If you speak to your son about it, and it turns out he himself wants to change his name and consider the other person his dad, then I would think about swallowing my pride and being happy for him.

abacus73

bigsteve32 wrote: »

hello just need advice about trying to see my son again last time I seen him he was 3 and my ex-wife turned him against me and he would say my daddy is at home and I was not his dad and he would cry when I went to pick him up he said he didn’t want to come with me. So I gave up it was killing me then I had a mental break down and I didn’t see him again

I am sure it hurt to see your son so upset and to be rejecting you and saying another man was his dad. But he was just 3 years old. Probably trying to make sense of all sorts of garb being spoon fed to him by your ex.

At 3 he would have had very limited understanding of what he was saying to you and how much it would have hurt you. I think walking away was a huge mistake, something I doubt you did lightly. However its a decision that could take time to explain to a child who now hardly knows you.

I think the advice given by previous posters has been spot on. I wish you lots of luck in gaining contact with your son and building a good relationship. Id expect and prepare for alot of questions from him though.

halibut2209

I assume you are on the birth certificate? If not, then she does not need your permission to change his name.

bigsteve32

yes i am on the birth certificate and i was married to her

bigsteve32

Ok he was a family solicitor I seen for ½ hour he said just send a simple message back to her saying not on here and block her so I did.
And with the CSA I have made sure I contacted them all the way through with them telling them my different changes where I live moved and change of money.
I was told this was to scare me in to changing his name.
I am scared of her and there family they tried there hardest to stop me and they have surely won now.
And now my little one keeps asking me that she like to see her brother what can I say to her.
And also do I write a letter off myself to ex-wife asking to have contact or do I go and see legal advice and a letter from a solicitor that way.

make_me_wise

Go and see a solicitor and get them to write on your behalf. It may be that once she recieves something from a solicitor she may realise how serious you are about having contact with your son.

One way of seeing him could be to suggest that you start off with supervised contact. Not with her or one of her family around. There are organisations that solicitors can put you in contact with that are a link between parents with care and non resident parents. She could drop your son at the location, sometimes a church hall. You would be there already and your son would come through to you. You and the ex would not have to see each other at all. Normally this gives you a couple of hours once a month at first to get to know each other again.

By getting a solicitor to approach her about contact in this way it shows a willingness to take things slowly and wont necessarilly make her feel backed into a corner.

If she refuses to play ball then it may have to go to court. I doubt she would want all the expense that this would incur especially as she wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on. Its amazing how the harshest people tend to buckle when a tiny bit of legal intervention is made. Dont give up hope that you may end up seeing your son and it needn't cost you everything if a solicitor approaches things the right way.

RAS

Please ring http://www.fnf.org.uk/?_kk=families%20need%20fathers&_kt=42ee49af-5a93-47f6-b159-b22e2cdb8801&gclid=CJbrjaj25aoCFUoKtAod9Qre6Q families need fathers. They have a help line open every evening.

unicornblue72

hi blackpool i got adisve from a online soilcter serivce they were lots of post the soilceter that replied was a family they said the no contact thing was like if in prison and no birthday cards etc (the birthday cards etc and no visting was the issue i was having even though my ex saw his eldest daughter ) my daughter 12 at the time was distaruaght no seeing her dad for 18mth no txs no callls etc even though he would pick up his eldest ) the change of name is based on if the child would benfit ie no contact and mum has remarried etc so child feels inculded etc it may be 18 but do remmber that they was a 5 yr no contact before could staart it by which time she would but 17 and nearly 18 as then they depoll but i may of got that bit wrong but i cant remmber as a few yrs ago so apolise if i have in end her stepped up but she detrusts him the damage is done