what can i do now help ?

bigsteve32

hello just need advice about trying to see my son again last time I seen him he was 3 and my ex-wife turned him against me and he would say my daddy is at home and I was not his dad and he would cry when I went to pick him up he said he didn’t want to come with me. So I gave up it was killing me then I had a mental break down and I didn’t see him again then I got married again and hada daughter my ex-wife keeps stopping me where she works and keeps demanding I change his name over to hers now I don’t go to that shop at all now BIG supermarket for years now It’s been killing me not seeing my son only see his pic on Facebook he is now 13 and she has won again demanding the name change now on Facebook saying the courts will do it without my consent and CSA after me as well as other threats I have always keep in touch with the CSA and keep all up to date and after seeing a free 30 mins constitution with a family l lawyers they told me to write a comment back on Facebook a fair comment telling her not to contact me that way and send her a letter with my address on so she knows that too. What can I do now one person said write a letter saying I would like to get to know him and others saying not to WHAT can I do where am I going wrong?

make_me_wise

I would block any contact on facebook. I would also contact another solicitor and ask them to write to her advising that you wish to have contact with your son. She cannot legally stop you seeing your own child. It does seem as if this will need to be sorted out in court as relations between the two of you appear to have broken down. I believe that until the child is an adult she would need your consent to be able to change his surname. That should really be your sons decision. I think at 13 he is of an age where his feelings and opinion will be listened to by the courts.

RAS

Whoa there guy.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

hello just need advice about trying to see my son again last time I seen him he was 3 and my ex-wife turned him against me and he would say my daddy is at home and I was not his dad and he would cry when I went to pick him up he said he didn’t want to come with me.

At which point you really did need to go back to court.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

So I gave up it was killing me then I had a mental break down and I didn’t see him again then I got married again and had

bigsteve32 wrote: »

a daughter ?

Sorry you had such a hard time.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

my ex-wife keeps stopping me where she works and keeps demanding I change his name over to hers now I don’t go to that shop at all now BIG supermarket for years now

Ask your solicitor to write to her and tell her that

1. You do not agree to the names change.
2. that you remain deeply upset by the way she alienated your son and prevented hiim from seeing you and misled him about his parentage.
3. that collaring you when you are in a public place to make this sort of demand is haressment and that if she does it again, you will inform her employer.
4. That you want to see your son and will be asking for contact.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

It’s been killing me not seeing my son only see his pic on Facebook he is now 13

Do you know anyone he knows?

bigsteve32 wrote: »

and she has won again demanding the name change now on Facebook saying the courts will do it without my consent

In some very rare situations they will consider it but I suggest that you tell her from the start that you will fight it.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

and CSA after me as well as other threats I have always keep in touch with the CSA and keep all up to date and after seeing a free 30 mins constitution with a family. lawyers they told me to write a comment back on Facebook a fair comment telling her not to contact me that way

As above but add the comment that you are up to date with your CSA payments and always have been.

bigsteve32 wrote: »

and send her a letter with my address on so she knows that too.

Maybe an e-mail address might be better? One just for this purpose?

bigsteve32 wrote: »

What can I do now one person said write a letter saying I would like to get to know him and others saying not to WHAT can I do where am I going wrong?

You can certainly write. You might want to offer mediation first? After that ask for contact.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Good advice from previous posters. Also don't, what ever you do, get in a Facebook war with her. This is too important to be spread all over a social networking site.

Mrs P P

ETanny

I hope you can gain acccsess to your son soon. Im sorry you had such a hard time after she stopped you seeing your son.
Like the PP do not post on facebook. That is the worst thing you can do. Social networks have become a breeding ground for airing dirty laundry that doesnt need to be shared!
Block her and then go to a scolicitor and ask them to write a letter.

bigsteve32

I 1st want to thnak you all for you advice, given me lots to think about. The Facebook is already blocked and the message was done via in box, so was not available for anyone to see and all i did was respond to her to say speak through solicitor not here and blocked her. i dont think i have the strenghth to stand up and fight her without some help,(solicitor).i do not work but my wife does and i have commitments, bills, morgage etc, we looked into legal aid and we are not able to get this. i have made enquires into solicitors fees and we could risk loosing our home if i go this route, but feel i need legal support to get her to listen. have you any advice on where i can access this support but without making myself broke.

unicornblue72

she cant change his name unlesss no contact for five yrs or he reaches 16 etc plus as you give csa i am sure a judge will see this as a way of who doing your best for him with the challages that you have before you when it gets to court say you are happy to do the conatct centre etc and just want a realitonship with your son i wish you luck dont give up in the end the truth always comes out

bigsteve32

anymore info out there for me thanx steve

make_me_wise

I would suggest speaking with CAB. They are extremely knowledgeable and may be able to save you lots of time and expense in the long run.

One thing that has bothered me a bit is how your son may feel about you. Not through any fault of your own you understand. If when he was just 3 years old his mum saw fit to try and turn his mind against you, who knows what he has been told ever since. He needs to know that his dad is a good man and that contact would be a positive thing in his life. Discovering the lies his mum has been happy to tell him could devestate him. Things need to be handled very carefully so that you and he can get back on track as painlessly as possible. Your ex should be thoroughly ashamed. It is despicable to use a child like a pawn in a game.

Maybe I am clutching at straws but is there any relative that could be a mediator here. I would like to wish you luck with gaining contact to your son. Every child needs both its parents.

Blackpool_Saver

unicornblue72 wrote: »

she cant change his name unlesss no contact for five yrs or he reaches 16

where do you get these two pieces of information from please?

I consulted a solicitor and my ex had had no contact for 13 years, he said 18 years or permission from Father.

clearingout

have a look at the Families Need Fathers website as there will be useful info for you there. You may need to accept that your son, at 13, will not want to see you (more about how awful his mother has been about you rather than anything you may or may not have done) but you can at least try and open the channels of communication. Is he on Facebook? You could contact him directly if so? Can of worms, I suspect, which some may not recommend but it's another idea in the pot, so to speak!