Want some opinions please.

belfastgirl23

Well...you need to explain to your date that your daughters needs will come first and see whether he has a problem with that. If he hasn't dated someone with kids before I'd give him a bit of a by on it this once but if it happened again after the big talk then I can't see how that could be a relationship that would work longer term. His reaction definitely raises a red flag for me but I would be prepared to give him another chance to talk about it. If he doesn't acknowledge he was wrong though (even implicitly) that would worry me a lot.

But I also think you need to have a talk with your daughter and make it clear that if she throws a hissy fit in future you won't be giving in to it. Only you will know the difference between her sounding off and playing up and her really being in need of her mum, so you would have to use your judgement on that one. But keep in mind that when she is 25 she is probably going to regret having played up on you in situations like this and if you give in to tantrums she will feel even worse.

paddy's_mum

I have to admit to a sneaky feeling of pity for the poor guy! It sounds as though it was a rather late cancellation of the evening and he might genuinely have put a lot of thought, effort and/or money into the planned arrangements.

Think on it for a moment - has he already bought theatre tickets, booked a table, arranged with four friends to meet up for a meal in a nice restaurant? All those things need hard cash or deep embarrassment to cancel at the last minute. I suspect that this is what is behind his "brattish" responses and if he's really keen on the OP into the bargain, his very disappointment is all the fuel that's needed to make a tactless hash of responding to her.

Although I can't say why, I have the idea in my head that this particular cancellation is not the first time it, or something very like it, has happened. If it genuinely is the only time, then what is he scared of and expecting to happen in this relationship (or a failed previous one) to provoke accusations of the daughter coming between them? It seems a strange thing to say on the strength of just one hiccup.

In your shoes, OP, I'd be giving him a second chance. Your daughter's attitude is selfish (if normal!) but she won't be the one sitting in front of the fire with you on a cold winter's night ten or fifteen years from now so look to your own happiness too. Good luck.

FBaby

When did you cancel? How far in advance did you plan the evening? What were you supposed to do? And why was your daughter so upset? Did I understand right that you and her dad were not together any longer when he died? Did you cancel the evening by text?

I think all depends on the circumstances. If your daughter was very upset because she found an old letter from her dad and got very upset over it, I think that would be a very good reason to cancel, however, I would hope that you would have bothered to call him to explain how upset your daughter is, that you are very sorry, but wouldn't be able to enjoy the evening leaving your daughter so upset, maybe offered him to come over instead.

If however, your daughter just brought the tears on suddenly because she didn't like the idea of being alone that evening when you were having fun, begged you to stay with her because of it, and all you did was texting him half an hour before you were supposed to meet to say 'daugther upset, staying with her, sorry', I think he would have a very good reason to be angry, and he probably would be the one better off staying clear.