Want some opinions please.

joeblack066

New relationship (2 months). DD (14) not happy about it - I've been single for 5 years and in that time her Dad has died. I have seen my new beau about once a week and she has met him at a family meal at a restaurant. Tonight I was meant to see him but she was extremely unhappy and I didn't want to leave her in this way, so I cancelled the evening. His reaction (by texts) was very brattish, in which he has accused her of trying to drive a wedge between him and me and that she is being too selfish. In the texts he was all 'me me me'. If his texts had been more "I'm really sorry that you're cancelling as I was really looking forward to tonight, but I understand if you feel thats what you need to do" I would have felt like talking DD thru it all, but my reaction now is he just ain't worth it! What do other people think?

balletshoes

My opinion? 2 months is a very very new relationship, especially if you usually see each other only once a week. If your daughter is very unhappy right now, you did the right thing, she comes first.

You and your daughter also come as a package, and if your bf doesn't have endless amounts of understanding and patience about this, he's only going to get more resentful and that doesn't look good for your future together.

mouseymousey99

Pretty much with balletshoes. Does he have any children of his own? 2 months is not a long time and you did totally the right thing. Play it by ear, if you want to see him fine, but put yourself and daughter first. Could be he had 'planned' something nice for you and the phone call didnt come out right? Lots of fish in the sea as no one in particular said to me, but should have! Best wishes.

joeblack066

That is exactly my reasoning - that over the next few years there will be lots of occassions when DD needs me over anyone else and he hasn't given me any confidence that he would deal with that well. No kids himself, never been married. Thanks guys :-)

meritaten

I'm with balletshoes and mouseymousey - That was a very childish reaction! Not your DD but the BF! scuse me, but him claiming after only two months into a relationship that your daughter was driving a wedge between you doesnt bode well for the future!

view

Hope it all works out for you. Have you asked your daughter why she doesn't like him? She might not be ok with any 'man' in your life, the poor thing very likely might be still grieving for her dad and at the moment needs to feel your full concentration on her.

kelloggs36

A very childish reaction, but then she was acting selfishly too - if she had a genuine reason for not wanting you to go out then I would have stayed, but she is being unreasonable by expecting you to drop everything for her - you are entitled to a life too you know!

Gigglepig

Maybe he was childish, but he also has a point.

You are the adult, if you have decided to go out it is not up to your 14 year old to have a tantrum to stop you. If you give in to it surely that teaches her to do it again. (Of course she would rather have you to herself, any child would.)

In any case perhaps 2 months is a bit too early to introduce him to your daughter... unless you are already very serious.

pigpen

sounds like they are both being childish and vieing for your attention.. are you a bone? lol

The OH .. Id tell him to stop being such a child and youll speak to him later when you have stopped being cross and you are both being rational. I can see his point but he obviously put it across in the wrong way. Id also be wondering what was wrong with him that he had not been married before or had children.. maybe he was dumped at 3 months for being possessive and jealous and controlling.. Id be treading very carefully.

DD Id ask her if she expects you to be on your own forever.. she will be grown and leaving home in a couple of years and what does she want you to do? Be lonely and unhappy?

I cant believe you gave in to your daughter having a hissy fit.. Id have told her to get a grip and that she could not dictate your life and who you spend time with.. my 14 y/o would have expected to be told not to be so silly.. if she had a genuine grievance against this guy then fair enough or if she had had an upset today and needed some TC, fine.. but for goodness sake!!

Yes she is your priority but she isnt your keeper or your master and you are entitled to have a life other than her and that is something she needs to be told.

rainbow81

I agree with pigpen on this one. Are you going to stay in until she says it's ok for you to go out??

This man might not be the man you settle down with but as long as you don't have a parade in and out of the door then it's not going to harm DD. Yes, she's used to having you all to herself but she will have to learn that you need some adult company too.

Texts also aren't the best way to communicate, next time I would have a proper conversation if you are letting him down and maybe the reaction will be a bit more understanding. Maybe it won't be, but if you like him keep seeing him and just keep your eyes and ears extra open.

Errata

Blimey - if he's kicking off at 2 months, imagine what he'll be like at 2 years :eek: Tell him if you'd wanted two kids in your life you would have had them before you met him