Am I being silly?

LegalBlonde

delete him and any connected from fb!!!!!!!!!! there are so many things we find out "un-naturally" from fb....

browneyedbazzi

I don't think feelings are every 'silly'...they just are what they are and you shouldn't judge yourself for feeling any particular way.

My case is quite different because I was relieved and quite happy when my ex shacked up with someone new - he had been the controlling, possessive, obsessive type and knowing he was with someone else meant I was in the clear from all that horribleness.

That being said, I'm still very careful about making sure he doesn't know I'm with someone else now (or where I live, where I work etc lol) because I don't want any of that ugliness to crop back up!

January20

Squirrel, your feelings are normal. Whatever we believe that we are conditioned to think that the most successful relationships are through marriage. At the back of my mind, it's always there. I'm single and my ex-husband remarried, and although I don't care, and I don't care about him, it always feel like he is a step ahead of me. (Doesn't help that I'm competitive and still hold a grudge because he cheated on me lol!)

And I think your second problem is that you really want to get married and are waiting for a proposal that is not coming, but why would your present partner offer a marriage proposal when he has all the benefits of being married without having to agree to an official commitment? Perhaps you should have a frank discussion with him?

Marisco

I must be the odd one out here!!! It bothered me not one wit! My ex left me for someone else, then I met my oh. Two years after we separated he asked for a divorce. I laughed and told him I was surprised it took so long. He has a very strong sense of "doing the right thing" and living with her would not have sat well with him. Six months later he got married, 18 years later I'm still not married, and oh and me are as "happy as Larry".

FattyBettyBoo

it is a completely normal human emotion to feel sad when someone succeeds where you failed (put bluntly).

My ex (and DD's father) had never had a long term relationship before me and we hit the rocks quite quickly. I decided that it was obviously him that was unable to form proper relationships. He is now happily engaged to someone he has been with for 2 years and they are planning to get married soon. I felt exactly the same as you and it took me a while to realise why - I had always thought 'we' failed because of him and that no one would be able to form a relationship with him. This made me think it was 'me' - but actually it was just 'us'. Hope you feel better soon x

Gigglepig

If marriage is important to you then that is something to discuss with your OH. If you are already trying for a baby then getting married is hardly rushing your partner into something? If he isn't willing to marry you then I'd question how come he feels ready to have a baby with you.

dark_lady

I agree. Why are you willing to get pregnant to him if he is not willing to marry you. i see a child as a bigger commitment than marriage tbh.

bobble_hat

Very normal to feel like this. My ex left me for someone else, they are still together and I have to suffer their company at family occasions (close friends of my BIL).

I'm married with a wonderful Hubby and DD but it always throws me when they turn up, we broke up years ago. I plucked up the courage to talk pleasantly to her this weekend (to be fair I always do) as I felt sorry for her, he is an abusive alcoholic.

So they're not married with no intentions so far, they are trying to move house as they have the neighbours from hell and my family tell me that in a drunken mess the weekend before he confessed that his relationship is dreadful because he's gay! I also have it on good authority that he's still playing the field.

I know all of these things and I know she did me a favour really, as I never would have left an abusive destructive relationship as my self-esteem was so low and I'm so happy in my own life, but I still hate seeing them together. I think it's because I was lied to and taken in and I never ever had it out with them.

I used to feel that he was seeing the world and travelling, which we never did and they were having a great life that we'd never had together. Now I realise that really don't know what goes on behind closed doors and she looked... well... broken and grey. Their honeymoon period is definitely over.

Caroline73_2

Gigglepig wrote: »

If marriage is important to you then that is something to discuss with your OH. If you are already trying for a baby then getting married is hardly rushing your partner into something? If he isn't willing to marry you then I'd question how come he feels ready to have a baby with you.

Because being married just isn't important to some people. maybe the OP's OH wants to spend the rest of his life with the OP, have children together and show how committed he is by his daily actions not a 20 minute legal ceremony!

OP - personally I didn't give a toss when my ex got married but he'd already left another woman pregnant since we had split. However I know that most people I know thought I was weird for not caring so I am probably abnormal and you are normal.

FBaby

I've felt exactly like that, not with marriage, but having another child. Our children were the only good thing that came out of my relationship with my ex and if it wasn't the stress and pressure I was under whilst with him, I would have loved to have a third. By the time I met my partner, I was 38 and had given up hope to be a mum again so was over the moon when my new partner said he would like to have a baby together. I didn't want to raise my hopes up, was prepared that it would take some time, so couldn't believe how luchky I was to fall pregnant first month trying. Unfortunately, I miscarried a few weeks later. That only made me feel even more focus on being pregnant again. I suspected that my ex and partner were trying again, a few things that were say to the children (as in 'how would you feel if you had a brother or sister...) It did annoyed me because both were on benefits at the time, with already two of her children living there and my ex not paying a penny in maintenance for our two children, but sure enough, whilst we learnt that we actually had fertility problems (supposedly, falling pregnant that time had been a miracle), she fell pregnant. I dreaded the day he would tell me, prayed that I would at least be pregnant first. When he told me, I prayed that I would fall pregnant before she gave birth, but it wasn't meant to be.

I was totally dreading the moment, dreading seeing my kids being all excited, showing me picture etc... I felt such a massive sense of injustice and jealousy, especially as the reason I left my ex was that he had built massive debts behind my back, betraying and lying to me, it was eating me inside. My partner tried to be supportive, but couldn't understand why it was affecting me so much.

In the end, time does miracles and 4 months later, I am not feeling one bit as upset my it as I thought I would still be. I have accepted it and I don't compare myself so much to him any longer. I've stopped comparing his life to mine and concentrate on what I have. I could very much compare myself to some of single friends and realise how massively lucky I am to be in a loving and trusting relationship.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way I do, it's totally natural. I am also waiting for my partner to propose after 2 1/2 years together... he tells me that we will one day because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I don't think it will be any time soon. I have little doubt that my ex will do it before I will, but that doesn't upset me as much as the baby because I don't want marriage as much as us sharing a baby together.