Depression

Tiff_2

All the lights are on but no-one's home!:rolleyes:
I think it was a great idea to put names to faces.:T
As you've had the courage to post photos, I guess it's only fair that I do it. Sorry:D Here we go.....






lol - sorry guys I couldn't resist!:rotfl:

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

EthelBloggs

lmfao, Tiffy that one looks like he needs a good wash!!

thank you for the complment btw xxxxxxxxx

Tiff_2

I don't exist guys!:eek:
I'm trying to put up a real Tiff photo and all I get is an empty oblong with a funny geometric symbol in the left hand corner!:rolleyes:
Got to love you and leave you but if anyone knows how I do this, please tell!;) I'm on Windows Vista basic home.
HUge huglets.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

EthelBloggs

The way i did it is to upload a pic to tinypic.com, then it gives u a link

click on the image thing on here.. put the link in and hey presto! there it is

quick tiffy.. do it

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sazbo

tiff your pc is rebelling at the prospect of me posting a pic!!

Sazxxx

Sazbo

EthelBloggs wrote:

The way i did it is to upload a pic to tinypic.com, then it gives u a link

click on the image thing on here.. put the link in and hey presto! there it is

quick tiffy.. do it

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, quick!:D

EthelBloggs

Sazbo wrote:

Yeah, quick!:D

and you!!!! xxxx

Sazbo

EthelBloggs wrote:

and you!!!! xxxx

LOL hun, people will be suing me for mental distress - we'll have to set up a new thread and then where will we be?! :rotfl:

Sazbo

ok maybe if I can find a non-scary one tomorrow I'll post it, don't have any on my home lappy, honest guv

Karrie

Tiff wrote:

Hi karrie!
How are you hun? Welcome to the family. I didn't post yesterday.:o I wrote a War & Peace equivalent reply to your post and then the new computer froze!!! I was just too tired to start again.:rolleyes: Anyway angel, here's the short version - well...!:rolleyes:

:eek: TIFF MEGA-MEGA-MEGA POST WARNING!:eek:

My DS ( and I ) have been bullied.
I'll explain at this point why he was bullied. He was polite, helpful, friendly, and loved to dance and act and sing. They don't start school until 6 in New York and they don't teach football or cricket. So, of course, he was gay! Had to be!:rolleyes:

He's also bi-racial. If I hadn't been awake during the surgery to have him, I wouldn't have believed he was mine! He has his dad's 'afro'-type black hair but a lot softer, his skin's the colour of cafe latte, big brown eyes that get a blue circle around them when he cries (I'm blue-eyed blonde), and eyelashes that sweep down and are better than any mascara could give you!;) He looks Italian until he gets his deep tan in high summer. So he was good looking and also kind of clever.

After we moved back from the USA, he was just turning 7 and after 3 months at a very small primary school, the bullying started. Name calling, punches, group attacks, breaking his things, emotional cruelty, racism ( a group held him down & charged 50p a kick. DS managed to get up and punched the ringleader in the mouth, removing a tooth). DS got told off but nothing happened to the others - and all this at primary school!

We got moved and he started junior school. It wasn't long before the bullying started there too. Same thing - gay, racism, physical assaults, constant verbal abuse etc. Three bullies lived in the same street (not a good area) & they killed his 6 month old cat with a pellet gun, then waited until he came out and DS saw the cat and hugged him, crying. The boys came over to him with the pellet gun, laughing at him for crying!

As he was leaving junior school, we were moved again because the bullying was now going on in our street.
We moved in on September 11th. Bear in mind that even though we'd just left his dad due to domestic violence, our inlaws still lived and worked in New York, just as we had. Thank God they were all right!
Sadly the move given to us, was very near the senior school that all the dirtbags from the junior school would be going to also.

Again the bullying started at the senior school. Even the form tutor said that a lot of the kids were like animals and she wished she could slap them sometimes!

Emotional abuse, physical, left out of everything, beaten with sticks - you name it. DS was spat on, punched throughtout the day - in & out of lessons! - called names, had bikes ridden into him on the way to & from school, was pushed, beaten with a metal pipe and switches from the woods, pushed out of the lunch lines, called Taliban (ignorant fekkers couldn't even get the ethnicity right!), not allowed to walk on the path to his own house because he was 'black', smacked around the head and had belongings stolen.

The only thing the school could do was suspend the kids DS knew for a few days & then they'd be right back doing it more. If he didn't know them, he had to go through the students photobook at the school to ID them, because complete strangers, even in the upper school were doing it to him.

The final straw came when DS was assaulted over 40 times in just under 7 weeks! I removed him from the school and he was put into the next nearest senior school, which had more racial variety. The bullying & gay thing continued. The worst thing happened to him then. A group of the kids in school tried to set fire to him.

DS refused to go to school anymore. He was getting very low naturally. It didn't seem to matter what we did, the poor kid's hell was getting worse each time.

We were moved across town to a nice area and due to my appeal to the panel, he was accepted into the full best school in the area. He reluctantly went. He was depressed, waiting for it all to start again. He sat under a stairwell at lunchtimes and cried.
My son threatened suicide.

BUT! The new school were amazing! They got him sessions with a staff counsellor, who informed the teachers in private - even DS didn't know this. He began to make friends and working hard.

Last year, he left with 10 GCSE's (7 between A & C), a diploma in computer systems support from a day release scheme at the nearby college, he also took a GCSE in Performing Arts ~ Dance there. Because I had no money, DS had never had an acting or dancing lesson in his life. It was the first time the course had been done there, he was the only male and he came out with an A. He auditioned with the local am-dram and got the lead role of 'Tyrone' in "Fame - The Musical!" and he was tipped for the West End by the local paper and had a great review. He was also a prefect. He won the school drama award every year. He started to hold little dance sessions in school for anyone, for fun. At the Prizegiving Night in late October, he was given his exam certificates and also won three cups, including ones for the Highest Attainment in Drama and one for The Most Outstanding Contribution to Performing Arts.

DS now travels 2 hours on a college bus each way, every day, to attend Stratford-upon-Avon College where he was accepted to study for The National Diploma in Performing Arts (in acting dancing and singing) and is getting mainly distinctions and merits. And yes - I am bloody proud of him!

So what's the point? I hear you cry - as well as Shut up Tiff!:rolleyes: The point karrie is that I couldn't give up. With a few Tiff letters and the following actions, we turned it around. Here you go hun - knowledge is a wonderful friend sometimes.;)

-Document every call, event, action. Times, dates, and names.

- Involve the police. This is what I did. It is not bullying (sounds so harmless) it is assault, aggravated assault, racism, actual bodily harm, theft to name but a few. It is a real crime and the police will take it seriously,whether at home or school.

- I believe it's either 8 or 10 years old, a child is responsible for any criminal act. They can be interviewed and cautioned and if it gets worse will be charged with the above crimes.

- The school has a legal duty to protect your child and provide a safe learning environment. They can be sued if they fail.

- Tell the appeal panel that he cannot go to that school because his physical and mental welfare is at serious risk
there due to the bullying. They have the authority to place him in a full school as they did with DS. It also helps to point out in your letter that though they are full, the local education authority will fund his education at the school so their resources won't be affected.

- You should make the school he's supposed to go to aware of what's happening. There are counsellors available to students. That school will be responsible for the students' actions.

- Any supporting letters from your health team will help angel. I provided this and it is relevant. Involve your mental health team and gp.

- Inform your local MP and your local education authority as to what's happening. CAB can also help with advice. There are numerous bullying helplines you can google for, angel.

I know how upsetting this is for you as his mum karrie. To hear my DS threaten suicide seriously, will chill my soul forever. But you have got options hun.

Guys, I'm really so sorry to have posted another Tiff Chronicle and tbh, I feel embarrassed - sorry!:o
I promise to look up the word 'short' today.;) I just wanted to show how bad it can be ad that you can win! Hope this helps a bit hun.
Good luck karrie!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff
Thank you so much for taking the time to write your story on my behalf. It did bring me to tears and it made me so angry. Setting fire to a child?? I still come back to the same question - why? No child should have to go through what your child went through. Like your son, mine is kind, considerate and polite. His teachers have mentioned this over the years. He put up with bullying in school a few years back and he didn't tell me. I heard it from other mums. I am a single mum and I work. I felt so guilty and felt that I was never there for him. It took me a while to realise wether I worked or not, it would have still happened. I promptly went to the school and it was nipped in the bud.

These boys are now 10/11 and they are nearly as big as me. And when I have to go and rescue my son (he phones me when he's got a problem) they scare me to death. I physcially shake with anger and with fear. He will take the long way round to the local shop "just in case" the bully boys are about. And if they are, he will come home. These boys are allowed to roam the streets at all times of the night. I truly believe that if the parents cared or put a little more effort into their kids, they wouldn't behave like this.

I haven't slept and have lost weight already. That's when I know the depression is getting bad, when I lose weight. My stomach constantly does somersaults. I hope that I can be as strong as you were. I have written to my local councellor who helped me a few years back regarding a "den" that the bully boys were hanging out in. I have asked that he put in writing that I contacted him and he did help me. I am going to write to my GP tomorrow and ask that he write a note stating that I suffer from depression and have done for many years. I am also going to see his teacher tomorrow - don't know why really. Just want to know his opinion, I guess. Not sure if they are allowed to speak about admissions.

He had a football match today and all the other mums were saying they cannot believe he isn't going to the same school as their children. They also gave me some very useful information about 3 children who live outside of the county that have got into the school where my son wants to go.

Mum says not to get down and ill over it all but it's so hard.

Tiff I admire your courage and well done for being such a great mum :T

Whilst my boys problems are no where as severe as what your son went through, it breaks my heart that he could. It would break my heart sending him into battle every day.

How the hell did you, as a mum, cope with all that happened?

Thanks again.