Depression

Pumpkin_Pie_5

Welcome back Tiff - Take it easy hun <gentle huggles>:D

Horasio

littlemissmoney wrote:

Please may I ask for some advice from you lovely people?

What's the best way to help someone who is depressed? Is it best to carry on as normal or encourage them to talk about it?

When you are feeling low, what do you want the people around you to do? What do people do/say that really annoys you (so I can avoid that)? Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to help and don't know how

Thank you in advance for any ideas.

I think if you can get someone to open up and talk about it is the best but people can be proud or feel bad about it, so not always easy.

They need to trust you, they have probably been hurt before and are cautious.

If it is a friend you know well, you could ask how things are, but they may not speak about it then. I tend to find people talk when they feel safe and relaxed doing normal activities after they feel they can trust.

For myself, and everyone is different, I don't like people telling me to put a lid on it, pull myself together, patronise, abandon or get nasty or judgmental with me. It helps to speak about things and rants tend to pass quickly. Giving the impression you care unconditionally is the best way to handle it.

Sometimes they want to be left alone, as they cannot convey how they feel clearly at that time.

Whatever the reaction it is their issue and nothing to do with you.

beer2006

littlemissmoney wrote:

Please may I ask for some advice from you lovely people?

What's the best way to help someone who is depressed? Is it best to carry on as normal or encourage them to talk about it?

When you are feeling low, what do you want the people around you to do? What do people do/say that really annoys you (so I can avoid that)? Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to help and don't know how

Thank you in advance for any ideas.

Honestly (well taking in mind that this is the person that refuses to admit that he is depressed at all, but still somehow posts on here now and again) I would say the best thing to do is just listen, listen to what they are really saying, just actually listen to the words, don't be patronising, don't try and solve all their problems, just listen.
Hold, cuddle, and do whatever they want to do, talk, sit still, go for a walk, go for a drink, whatever.
Everyone is different.
Suggest some things until you hit upon the right one.
Eventually you should.

learning_to_drive

Best thing to say, just snap out of it, not possible, i feel like belting anyone who says just snap out of it. Its so much more than a low mood.

Tiff_2

littlemissmoney wrote:

Please may I ask for some advice from you lovely people?
What's the best way to help someone who is depressed? Is it best to carry on as normal or encourage them to talk about it?

When you are feeling low, what do you want the people around you to do? What do people do/say that really annoys you (so I can avoid that)? Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to help and don't know how

Thank you in advance for any ideas.

Hi littlemissmoney!:wave:
You're more than welcome here hun. You've already been given great advice. It's hard to say what to do angel because there are different kinds of depression and different levels too. I'm afraid it's a case of different strokes for different folks angel.

Is the person related to you lmm? Have they been diagnosed by a dr? What help are they getting?

It's hard for loved ones - you don't know whether to push the person or to tread on eggshells. The snap out of it approach usually makes people feel worse about themselves. I think that you should try and maintain your normal relationship with the person and let them know that if they want to talk, that you are there for them. Remember, they might be finding it very hard to come to terms with themselves.

There are several charities that deal with mental ill health. There are factsheets available to read and print for free.
If you can, ask the person how you can help them. Be prepared that they won't know probably. Go with them to appointments, if they'll agree to it, because the doctor can advise you on your personal situation hun.

Places that offer expert advice include MIND, Sane, Rethink, CAB, Depression Alliance and a whole lot more, if you search on the internet - try entering carers -mental health & see what comes up. Do be careful though - some can seem very scarey if you don't know yourself how ill the person is - they don't all apply to everyone! That's why it's best to see your gp hun and ask them what you should do. Your gp can also point you in the direction of the various help available for either a carer or the client. Here's one link that might help angel.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+depression.htm

Sorry I can't suggest anything solid but I don't know the situation. Just be yourself angel.;)
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!
Doing little bits as and when I can.;)
Found this info on Depression Alliance site. Might help someone I hope.
Love to everyone.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Talking to someone who is depressed

DO SAY
1. You're not alone in this.
2. You are important to me.
3. Do you want a hug?
4. You are not going mad.
5. We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
6. When all this is over, I'll still be here, and so will you.
7. I can't really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
8. I'm not going to leave you or abandon you.
9. I love you (if you mean it).
10. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me.

DON'T SAY
1. There's always someone worse off than you are.
2. No one ever said that life was fair.
3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
4. So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?
5. Try not to be so depressed.
6. It's your own fault.
7. I think your depression is a way of punishing us.
8. Haven't you grown tired of all this me, me, me stuff yet?
9. Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.
10. Have you tried chamomile tea?

Further support can also be obtained from the following organisations:

Caring about Carers
www.carers.gov.uk

Carers UK
www.carersuk.org

The Princess Royal Trust for Carers
www.carers.org

EthelBloggs

Mornin tiffy... how are you feeling? *huggs*

EthelBloggs

beer2006 wrote:

Honestly (well taking in mind that this is the person that refuses to admit that he is depressed at all, but still somehow posts on here now and again) I would say the best thing to do is just listen, listen to what they are really saying, just actually listen to the words, don't be patronising, don't try and solve all their problems, just listen.
Hold, cuddle, and do whatever they want to do, talk, sit still, go for a walk, go for a drink, whatever.
Everyone is different.
Suggest some things until you hit upon the right one.
Eventually you should.

Hiya beer.. doesn't matter what your reasons for being here are.. we're just very happy that you are

I lurk in your thread too.. even tho I've no business to be there, lol. I think it's just nice that we all find comfort in some way from each other.. even if it's not always obvious how or why

CarolnMalky

Morning everyone! Im shattered today...Ive been bottling my feelings and thoughts up again-daft I know-but its my party piece.It all came tumbling out in the bath last night(does this happen for anyone else-all my crying seems to be done in the bath!) DH was at hand with a box of hankies and hugs.I have to say I felt much better afterwards and even settled down to watch a film.

Hope everyone is reaonably ok today (((hugs))) xx

EthelBloggs

aww carol.. have you thought about keeping a journal? I was advised to do it but found it a bit difficult but it's been recommended to me by various people in the mental health care world and is sposed to be a really good way of making sense of things.

Your hubby sounds lovely tho.. and I hope you feel much better for letting it all out *huggs*

Bit early for me to tell yet how I am today.. too much blood in my caffeine stream, lol but..... I've got the washing machine repair man coming round later so hopefully no more launderette for meeeeee