Am I being unreasonable?

NoAngel

Sugar_moon - About your first post - We're in a similar situation. OH had planned to invite all of his cousins and their OHs but we recently realised that two of them are getting married (and we don't seem to be invited), so OH has taken them off the guest list. Not to be spiteful but I think he had felt he 'should' invite them. We're inviting four friends that were otherwise only getting evening invited instead and happy to have them at te full day.

elvis86

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

I have to say Im quite shocked at the spiteful response thats been written back to me, I thought people on here were nice! I came on here for honest points of view not a full blown spite attack!

Why are you shocked? Because you posed a question and someone didn't give the response you were looking for?:cool:

If you're upset by my "spiteful" response (really?), imagine how your cousin will feel about you throwing your toys out of the pram and refusing to attend his/her wedding because you weren't invited to the ceremony. Now that's spiteful... I merely answered the question you posed and explained my reasons why.

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

Elvis or whatever your name is, who rattled your cage? Youre one of the kind of people that ruins these forums cos you feel brave being nasty behind a computer screen! I may have to 'grow up' but you seriously need to get an attitude check!

And you're one of those nightmare family members who think that their wishes should be prioritised over everybody else's, even on someone else's wedding day.;)

lollyb84

Hi Sugarmoon,

Re your second post - most people on here are nice - I promise! I guess if you ask for people's opinions you should be prepared for them to disagree with you though there's no need for nastiness.

Re your first post - I have a large family and OH doesn't. So we made the decision to only invite some people, based on our relationship with them, rather than how close they were in our family tree IYSWIM? Anyway, we only invited a couple of my aunties and uncles and no cousins, despite the fact that I went to the wedding of one cousin a few years ago. The mother of this cousin (who had an invite) couldn't make the wedding, but passed the invite onto the cousin, on the basis that we'd been to their wedding. Cue HUGE family fall-out when I had to 'uninvite' someone who hadn't been invited in the first place!

For what it's worth I think you should invite the people you want there, rather than the people you think you 'should' have. Stay strong in the face of criticism, and your day will be much better for it. We had people we love and care about at our wedding day, not people we don't even exchange christmas cards and I'm so glad we did.

HTH.

x

PootleFlump_3

OP you asked if you were being unreasonable or looking at things the wrong way and to the majority I think the answer is yes (but thats not because people are trying to be nasty - just honest with you.) You should invite people you want to be there, not invite people as a token gesture because you were (or werent) invited to theirs. IMO the whole point of a wedding is to celebrate the day with the people closest to you, not people that you feel you should invite to avoid causing offence. If you arent really bothered about them going then dont invite them. If you really want them there then do. Simples!

Sugar_Moon

Elvis sling your hook your comments are just annoying and Im not going to read or respond to any more you write

Sugar_Moon

Pootleflump I completely agree and to be honest i suprised myself when i re read what I wrote last night. It did come out wrong and I think wires have been crossed. It is their decision, as much as my wedding day will be my decision. Ive invited them cos I honestly wanted my all of the family there and guess I thought they felt the same.

Bennifred

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

Elvis sling your hook your comments are just annoying and Im not going to read or respond to any more you write

This is a bit strong - what did elvis say that was so upsetting?? You did ask for opinions, and if people are good enough to reply, even if you don't LIKE the reply then you should not be rude to them.

Have a nice wedding!:beer:

ellay864

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

I have to say Im quite shocked at the spiteful response thats been written back to me, I thought people on here were nice! I came on here for honest points of view not a full blown spite attack!

I've looked back and people haven't been spiteful - they just haven't agreed with your view. I don't think any of us have got nasty - we've been honest which is what you should expect.
You say yourself that you wrote in haste in a bad mood...well I'm sorry but we don;t know that, we just read what you've written and have no idea if you were rattled or calm when you wrote it.
Perhaps you'd be better off waiting when something riles you, see how you feel the next day then write it all when you're feeling less wound up.
We all know what it's like to have family issues so you're in a place where people will be sympathetic if they genuinely feel you are being wronged. On this occasion they didn't, they've rationally told you why and you've over-reacted to that feedback

elvis86

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

Pootleflump I completely agree and to be honest i suprised myself when i re read what I wrote last night. It did come out wrong and I think wires have been crossed. It is their decision, as much as my wedding day will be my decision. Ive invited them cos I honestly wanted my all of the family there and guess I thought they felt the same.

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

Elvis sling your hook your comments are just annoying and Im not going to read or respond to any more you write

This is classic!

You've actually changed your mind yourself now, you think in hindsight that you were being unreasonable, and yet I'm still in the wrong for stating that in response to your original question?!:D

In all honesty, I'm not surprised that despite only being able to accommodate 50 people, you can still manage to invite parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and partners. With an attitude like your's, you can't have many friends to make up the numbers! Maybe that's why it's difficult for you to appreciate that your cousin and his wife may have a lot of friends who they're close to and want at their wedding, over you? Tbh I'm surprised you're even getting invited to the reception, if you're this awkward and abrasive in real life..:cool:

And yes, I think that was called for. OP might be new, but she'd do well to realise that this is a forum, where if you ask for people's opinions, you'll get them. This isn't https://www.iwanttorantunreasonablyandgettoldbyotherpeoplethatiamcompletelyrightdespitethefactthatiamblatantlynot.com , and reacting angrily to people who disagree with you is downright childish and rude.;)

elvis86

Sugar_Moon wrote: »

Ok, Im getting married on a budget next year, have been scrimping & saving like mad to get the day how we want it. Weve written a guest list to give us an idea on numbers/cost etc. As we can only invite 50 max Ive kept it to close family members (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and their partners).

Now a few months ago I was invited to my cousins wedding and he hadnt invited my partner, due to financial reasons, and although ive budgeted for him and his new wife, I agreed to go and didnt have a problem, as I understand how much these things cost.

Tonight another wedding invite plopped on our doormat, this time from another cousin who has only invited me to the evening do. I felt so p'd off! Here I am scrimping to ensure all my family can come, with their partners only to find I dont even get to go to the day event!!
Needless to say Im refusing to go. Im just offended. Apparently theyre having most of it paid for by my aunt and uncle, and his wife to be is demanding more money for it- so why are they leaving out family? My H2B said 'dont bother inviting them to our day event then', but is that going to cause problems? Being childish?

Am I looking at this wrong? I dont think its financial reasons theyre doing this, as theyre nearly 40 and getting most of it paid for, and the venue is of a good size!

PS. You've since edited your post, but I was responding to your original sentiments as detailed above.;)