Time to break my silence :( pour my heart out - Sorry!

ChaseMe

traybro wrote: »

Ok. Firstly this will be the hardest thing I have wrote ever but deep down I know that I need help and it is time for me to speak out.

Ok. I worked for the NHS for a long time. I became ill and after many many tests I was diagnosed with a disease I had no choice but to have a complete hysterectomy and I was only 25. It was heartbreaking for me,at the time I had no idea what was about to then happen.
I had the operation and the operation went wrong. They caused me some damage which has left me very ill. I was too embarrased to talk to anybody about it so I shut off.I needed further operations which resulted in me losing my job with the NHS because of the amount of time I had off work.

So 5 years ago I had total hysterectomy. Lost my job. Had several complicated operations and the end result is that I am left ill. I live on morphine, will never work again and sadly I will never regain my health.
The op went wrong and I have been left completely incontinent. Of course for a young lady my age it is highly embarrasing. I claimed no benefits because I didn't want to tell anyone my problems. Luckily for me I married at a young age and I have lived off my husbands income for the last 5 years.
This years been a financial struggle and I know it is unfair for me to live off my husbands income. I faced upto my health and went to see a solicitor about the damage that was caused during my operation, sadly for me , yes i had case of neglect but I needed to claim within 3 years after the operation, the solicitor couldn't persue my case.
I tried to claim incapacity benefit and I was notified that I had indeed passed the medical but because I hadn't contributed any NI in the last 5 years, I wasn't entitled to the benefit.They sent me a further letter saying that because I had passed the medical and because of my situation... I needed to claim disability.
I have had the forms now for a while but I am so scared to fill them in. Talking about my health distresses me. Not only am i incontenant which doctors say is terminal, I also live on morphine because of other conditions.
I can't expect to live off my husbands income. I can't work again because I am unfit to work. I am so scared to fill in the forms.
If I fill the forms in and have to go for an interview... will I have to talk openly about my medical conditions? I'm extremly embarrassed and I am only 33.

Hi Op. My sympathies to you. .

What i don't understand though is that you say you worked for the NHS at the time the OP happened and as a result of their incompetence your were then sacked by the NHS for having time off to recover from their mistake.

That can't be right can it?. Or have i missed something..?.

Sam____2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I think the OP means that it is not going to get better.
I think I know Olderwiser what you were thinking as regards DLA - special circumstances - but I don't think that's the case.

I see people are beginning to get a little suspicious about the OP. There seems to be a lot of posts lately when people replying are becoming 'judge and jury' which I think is a shame.

If you are not convinced posters are genuine then don't reply!

If we reply trying to help it may also help someone else who has a similar problem.

OP - from your other threads it seems that you are trying your best to do what you can(work wise at home)under, what I imagine, are very difficult circumstances.

Now I just want to remind you that DLA is for care and mobility needs and is not based entirely on your medical circumstances. Therefore, you should read up all about it and try to consider the care and mobility needs that you have.

As someone suggested, you should get some help completing your forms.

As for the medical yes it is embarrassing but it will be for a very short time compared with the rest of your life. Good luck!

what happens more and more on here is that people tell half a story, if we don't get the proper facts then it's difficult to help, I asked the OP to clarify, I wasn't being judgemental or rude, thank you.

It changes things a lot if she is able to work, and also, if they have children may be entitled to tax credits etc they may not be claiming.

SuziQ

As the previous poster says, ensure you are not missing out on any child tax credit or working tax credit your family is entitled to- and you shouldn't feel guilty about your husband supporting you, that is what marriage is all about!

traybro

Thanks for your replys.
Yes I have been with my husband for 18 years, since I was 15 and we have been married 11 of those years. We had children before i became sick thankfully.
To the poster who says they would have been off like a shot, sure I wouldn't have blamed him, its emotionally herrendous for me and I am sure inside it is for him also.
Yes, I worked for the NHS indeed, and yes after I was diagnosed and had the operation I needed 5 months off work because I had abdominal total hysterectomy. The operation didn't go to plan, they made mistakes which left me needing more time off work. I had 6 months @full pay and then 6 months@ half pay ,before going into a no pay situation.Due to doctors and specialists not knowing if I would or could work again the NHS ended my employment. Of course I should have gone to a solicitor straight away but emotionally I had shut off from everything.
So yes, whilst I had several more operations to try correct their mistakes, I lived solely on my husbands income.
Should he support me, yes husband & wife support each other but it didn't feel right,I at least needed to make a contribution somehow.
In the last 5 years my health went down the pan in other area's. I had an accident and suffered spinal damage. I applied for what was known back then as incapacity benefit and I had to have a medical, the outcome was that I passed the medical and was entitled to incapacity benefit but because I hadn't paid enough national insurance in the previous 4 years, they wasn't able to award me it, although I was entitled to it.
I was in a situation where I wanted to at least contribute something in the household, I was sick and I wasn't able to claim incapacity benefit.
I went back into employment but it didn't last long because my medication was increased to morphine which does deal with the pain but the side effect is that it makes me sick.
I then attempted to become self employed so I could contribute towards mortgage & bills, it didn't pay and I was running at a loss so I stopped it.
My health took another turn for the worse and very recently I have been diagnosed with another disease. I know that I am not going to recover. I had a very happy life up until I needed an hysterectomy. Since they made a mistake during the op, other area's of my health also declined.
I went to visit the citizen's advise bureau who have really helped me.I am now told that it is disibilty allowance I should be applying for.
My query isn't about proving it etc. My doctor,consultant and district nurses will be able to sumbit the medical records & reports. My concern is having to talk openly about it. If i start going in depth then I shut off. It's part of my life that I find really difficult talking about.
For the poster questioning my previous post.don't jump to conclusions.You have read a post about me attempting being self employed. so what? and fyi it didn't work out. If I could have held down a job then believe me I would do so, I couldn't because of the amount of time i need off work for treatment & the nature of the pain relief I need. I attempted to then work from home , where it didn't really matter so much if I needed treatment at the hospital twice a week.
Regardless to posters asking about previous posts, trying to figure out how old my kids are etc in relation to when I had hysterectomy :shocked: the question I asked is will medical evidence be sufficient or will I be expected to open up fully?

Barneysmom

Hi I'm sorry I can't help you in a practical way but just wanted to send you (((Hugs))) you have been very brave talking about your health here.
I hope your application is a success and you get the financial help you need xx

Sam____2

traybro wrote: »

Thanks for your replys.
Yes I have been with my husband for 18 years, since I was 15 and we have been married 11 of those years. We had children before i became sick thankfully.
To the poster who says they would have been off like a shot, sure I wouldn't have blamed him, its emotionally herrendous for me and I am sure inside it is for him also.
Yes, I worked for the NHS indeed, and yes after I was diagnosed and had the operation I needed 5 months off work because I had abdominal total hysterectomy. The operation didn't go to plan, they made mistakes which left me needing more time off work. I had 6 months @full pay and then 6 months@ half pay ,before going into a no pay situation.Due to doctors and specialists not knowing if I would or could work again the NHS ended my employment. Of course I should have gone to a solicitor straight away but emotionally I had shut off from everything.
So yes, whilst I had several more operations to try correct their mistakes, I lived solely on my husbands income.
Should he support me, yes husband & wife support each other but it didn't feel right,I at least needed to make a contribution somehow.
In the last 5 years my health went down the pan in other area's. I had an accident and suffered spinal damage. I applied for what was known back then as incapacity benefit and I had to have a medical, the outcome was that I passed the medical and was entitled to incapacity benefit but because I hadn't paid enough national insurance in the previous 4 years, they wasn't able to award me it, although I was entitled to it.
I was in a situation where I wanted to at least contribute something in the household, I was sick and I wasn't able to claim incapacity benefit.
I went back into employment but it didn't last long because my medication was increased to morphine which does deal with the pain but the side effect is that it makes me sick.
I then attempted to become self employed so I could contribute towards mortgage & bills, it didn't pay and I was running at a loss so I stopped it.
My health took another turn for the worse and very recently I have been diagnosed with another disease. I know that I am not going to recover. I had a very happy life up until I needed an hysterectomy. Since they made a mistake during the op, other area's of my health also declined.
I went to visit the citizen's advise bureau who have really helped me.I am now told that it is disibilty allowance I should be applying for.
My query isn't about proving it etc. My doctor,consultant and district nurses will be able to sumbit the medical records & reports. My concern is having to talk openly about it. If i start going in depth then I shut off. It's part of my life that I find really difficult talking about.
For the poster questioning my previous post.don't jump to conclusions.You have read a post about me attempting being self employed. so what? and fyi it didn't work out. If I could have held down a job then believe me I would do so, I couldn't because of the amount of time i need off work for treatment & the nature of the pain relief I need. I attempted to then work from home , where it didn't really matter so much if I needed treatment at the hospital twice a week.
Regardless to posters asking about previous posts, trying to figure out how old my kids are etc in relation to when I had hysterectomy :shocked: the question I asked is will medical evidence be sufficient or will I be expected to open up fully?

it was me who mentioned earlier posts and I did so to ask you to clarify the situation as when you have children there are other benefits you can claim, ctc etc, and regarding the employment, you were working from home so was asking about that to see if that would still be a viable option as you hadn't mentioned it on this thread.
Tell you what though, I'll leave you to it, sorry for trying to get all the facts so people could give you the correct information...

Torry_Quine

I really feel for you and just wish that some people could show some compassion.

It does sound that you have care needs and would be eligible for DLA which isn't means tested and hopefully with the evidence may not even need a medical. However even if you do try not to worry and just be open and honest about how your illnessses affect you, they have heard it before and won't be shocked by what you say. I know that it's hard but you have come through so much I'm sure you can do this.

Just to say that your husband has proved himself to be brilliant through this.

traybro

Sam, you assumed I wasn't solely living off husbands wages because I was running at a small internet business, if people had have read correctly and been part of that discussion then they would have known i stopped it because i ended up running at a loss. Anyway, my questions been answered, regarding if I will have to talk openly or not, thats all I needed to know.

Torry I know what you mean but believe me, compassion and sympathy seem to have the reserve effect on me :)Part of the reason I shut off is because if I thought about it too much I know I would be depressed.
It's unfortunate because I am young and a mistake in theatre escalated from one thing to another. I just have to remind myself that there is people worse off than me.
Thanks all anyway.At least knowing I'm likely going to have to open up about things, I can take that on board and have a think about it before submitting the form.

traybro

Oh and if any of you are unfortunate in needing an operation, if it goes wrong then bear in mind that you only have 3 years to take action. I couldn't face upto the future, so i didn't want to see a solicitor.
My friends and family knew that there was not only medical negligence but I had also lost my career with the same organisation. By the time they pushed me into acting it was too late, the 3 year period had elapsed.

make_me_wise

traybro wrote: »

My query isn't about proving it etc. My doctor,consultant and district nurses will be able to sumbit the medical records & reports. My concern is having to talk openly about it. If i start going in depth then I shut off. It's part of my life that I find really difficult talking about.

I am so sorry OP for everything you have been through and the consequences you are left to suffer with now. I can completely identify with you shutting off when you find yourself in a position which requires you to think about or talk in depth about what happened to you.

This is a very common coping mechanism that kicks in when people are faced with discussing a very traumatic event in their lives. Its as if your mind almost goes numb and you cant talk or think about the situation past a certain point even if you wanted to.

I am pleased that you have a good medical professional support network around you. They are fully aware I would assume of your medical conditions and the restrictions this puts on your life. Could the district nurse, yourself and your husband go through the forms together? Between the three of you the questions could be answered very fully without the need for you to think beyond what you feel capable of.

At any interviews you face could any of the medical professionals involved in your care speak on your behalf and explain to the examiners why this is necessary? I apologise if this is a silly sugestion. I have never been in your position so dont know the rules regarding how the interviews are undertaken.

You are entitled to this help in order to make yours and your families life easier. I would urge you to take all the advice and extra help you can so you can recieve this benefit. I wish you lots of luck OP.